They make their money selling ad space on their website.

Agreed. This is for FYI purposes.

Jedi--look at the ads. Many of them are for arbitration services. They get kickbacks from these services.

Yeah, when you mentioned being about being able to pay to get posts taken down, my first thought was "that is a genius business model".

It's not very honorable, but they are playing both sides of the drama. Drive traffic by hosting very juicy content, then offer the perps clemency for a fee.

I just wanted to ask a question about old mutual friends, etc.

There were a lot of people at WH's gym that knew/know about the affair and some continued to be friends with him and me separately. They didn't think what he was doing was right, but they never actually said anything to him either (from their own admission). One girl texted me yesterday. She is nice enough, but I consider their silence tacit support. I get that people don't want to get involved in stuff, but I find it hard to even consider these people anything but moral cowards.

It may have been my fault for going totally nuclear with exposure (like people that were pretty far removed from the situation) and expecting something from that; but I just can't shake the feeling that these people know and they just kind of didn't say anything to this guy they see everyday (or work with).

Maybe I'm old school but I don't think they are your friends if they weren't willing to say something to your WH. I'd consider them acquaintances and I think feeling a bit repulsed by them is completely normal given the circumstances.

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't spend much time around those people if I could avoid it.

Just get new friends

What he said.

Oh yeah, of course. But should I even tell her why or just ignore/block. I have a very strong urge to tell people off when wronged. I'm wondering if I should say, "Given what has gone on and the fact that you didn't say anything when you could have, I really can't be friends with you anymore" or just block/ignore. I know it should probably be the latter, but I'd REALLY like to say something.

If you don't plan on being friends with them anymore and they can't cause you problems, I don't see the harm in calling them out on their cowardice. Who cares what they think?

True.

I actually truly hate these people, along with the WH. Like true, unrepentant hate. I've never had that feeling before. I've been mad, of course, but never like, "don't ever come near me again for the rest of your life." That's how I feel about WH and about them.

So yeah. I think I will. I won't go out of my way to do it, but I'll do it if they make contact with me at all.

If you think you'll regret not having said something when you had the chance, then I'd say do it. That's the entire reason I confronted OM in my situation, I knew I would regret letting that deadbeat off the hook without hearing from me.

But if it's not on your bucket list, then I'd say leave it. The more you even think about these people, the more you're thinking about WH.

Called her out. She got mad, of course. Meh.

Well you knew she wasn't a friend of your marriage because she sat back and did nothing when asked. Who needs friends like that?

Yeah, that's true. I think it bothers me that it was so many people. Maybe it was because so many of them are/were single and/or because so many people in northern California are moral relativists. It bothers me, but there is nothing to be done about it.

I am choosing a better group of friends here. I just have to remember that my old life is no longer worth really thinking about. Its over. Dead and gone including many of the people in it. What I lost, I don't want anyway.

This will sound harsh, but in my experience young single never-married people are idiots about this circumstance. Talking to people in this demographic after my exposure it was obvious that they didn't understand how affairs happen, or how they affect people.

I actually had people tell me it was wrong of me to expose when WW hadn't confessed the affair herself. Because, you know, all waywards confess. That's how you KNOW the affair is real.

And maybe to turn this around on us...how many of us BSes would have married our WSes if we knew how dangerous their boundary issues were? I doubt I would have, OS friendships bothered me going into this! I just bought the whole line about "yeah, but it's hard for me to make female friends!"

Ax,

I agree. Never married people have no idea how incredibly horrific and painful it is. That's why WH hangs out with them.

I have had the worst of all worlds. My OW is single with parents who are complacent. My in-laws are complacent and my WH basically has all enabler friends. He doesn't talk to his old Christian friends at all.

And yes, the boundary issues were there. We were long-distance while we were engaged and while there wasn't an affair, there was a woman I think WH liked. She didn't give him the time of day, so it didn't amount to anything, but I was bothered by it at the time. And no, I would not have married him.

I'm reading a bit about how enablers are "secondary abusers." So yes, it definitely makes sense to cut them off; but I am also glad to say something because we have a moral obligation to fight evil. These people don't care about me or my family even in an abstract sense (like, I don't know her very well, but I hate to see a family break up). That's evil.

Here is my MB take away from all of this--lifestyle really, really matters. We were part of a community that was based on a shared hobby , not shared values. And while it's great to have hobbies, the people that participate in that hobby are mostly single, secular, moral relativists. Both their lifestyle and worldview are unsupportive of marriage. There is no way on earth I could ever live that way again. So I am so glad I am out of that environment.

My whole H's family are enablers. My wedding and wedding shower were hijacked in parts by a 5 year old because no one there is capable of setting good boundaries. I even specifically set ground rules and they were ignored by my H! (red flag anyone). Add to it, his vocal young cousins (never married) who berated me for making things public and it was a complete nightmare. Plus his school was all "never married", and one who crowed about how great her divorce was.

Oh wait, there was one married couple who were both enablers because they wanted to get along with everyone else in the department rather than protect my marriage when I point blank asked for their help. That H admitted to cheating on every girlfriend he had before his wife and bragged about things that his wife told me were not true when I checked them out independently.

None of these people add to a good life.

Community being key is a good observation. It feels like the MB mentality is such a minority that you have to keep those like minded people in your life when you find them.

Has anyone here ever actually be sued over internet exposure? OW is threatening to do so. I don't think she will, but I was just wondering.

My question would be....sue for what?

Telling the truth?

Does she think she has a better claim to damages than you? She's got a little egg on her face...you've had a marriage disintegrate.

I think she is bluffing and trying to shut you up.