I think you handled it well. My WW did not even tell her family that she filed for divorce. I've been the one to keep them updated. Not on my strategy, of course, but letting them know where we are in the process. I'm not sure it's called for, but I feel like I should let them know since they're in another country and she doesn't tell them anything.

You handle all your decisions with clear thoughts, which is more than positive... talking with in-laws must be tough, whether you get along with done or you dont.

I think you are doing a great job of not getting sucked into WW's dirty way of doing business.

As a best practice, you should close all social media during divorce or any personal lawsuit.

I personally think that you will be better off in a year.

There is a lot of talk about "the fog" which Dr. Harley explains is another term for "irrational thinking." But sometimes posters explain it as an alien possessing the body of an unwilling victim and the wayward spouse under the alien's mysterious control, which is not true. The fact is, your wife consciously chose and continues to choose to break her wedding vows and pursue an adulterous relationship.

There comes a point when one must step away and move on. Personally, I was married for 10 years and 3 kids so I can relate in some ways to the challenges that you are facing. However, I think you should thank God that you didn't have children with her. After divorce, she can pursue her worthless, deadbeat boyfriend and you can go out and pursue a good woman that is willing to show you love and care.

Sometimes when we are fighting for a marriage we feel like it's live or die...that if the ship sinks we die. But that is not the case. There are literally millions of beautiful women from all walks of life and God may bless you with one in the future.

The lessons you have learned here, if you choose to continue to apply them to your life and future relationships, will help you be more successful and attractive.

Amen, brother, Amen!

Thanks guys, and thank you for being frank, Jedi. I do appreciate that.

I'm really a yo-yo right now emotionally. I think the combination of the court hearing and the contact with her family about the divorce has set me back a bit in that process. I'm moving towards where you allude where I let this all be in the past, but I'm not there yet. I don't know why.

I know I won't die with this marriage, and I really don't worry about finding someone new, truly.

The D being filed and having given her family a formal goodbye is a big step for me. I'm actually about 2 months ahead of schedule on when my Plan A was going to end.

I know that this situation is an ugly disaster, that she's treated me like garbage here. I can't explain why I'm not to the point of closing the door on her forever yet. I've been sitting here trying to for like 10 minutes, I can't find the words. I'm loyal to a fault I guess.

I do thank God that we didn't have children, and Dr. Harley said the same thing to me when I talked to him before our show. I also am thankful that we don't have a house or any huge joint investments to spar over. I'm getting out of this pretty unscathed compared to a lot of you. I am fortunate.

When you exchanged vows, you took those to heart. You put yourself all in. That's what a good spouse does. And because you are a man of principle and conviction, the death of your marriage is hard to reconcile. As it should be.

It's a process, Axe, and your recovery will require some time. You have taken the right steps, you are paying the price, are you are winning the race because you are doing things right.

I can't explain why you haven't closed the door either. I can't explain why I haven't, even though I am burdened with a beautiful son with my WW. It would seem it should be easier for me to hold the door in consideration of my son but, that is not why I hold out.

I think, there was a woman you loved, that you still remember, and you can't stand giving up on. Loyal to a fault is only an insult to yourself. You are loyal to the possibility of a woman who is far more than she is allowing herself to be right now. She may never realize what you know she can be and what she had the potential to be. You can do nothing more than what you have done and are doing.

I remember my wife sometimes. I remember a woman completely unlike the WW I know now. I married a woman with morals and a clear definition of right and wrong. That woman has vanished, as far as I can tell. I hold out hope that she might return but, that hope is very small these days.

You surely have faults, Ax. We all do. Loyalty to the person you gave your life to is not a fault.

Thank you, face, for writing this. I needed to read that, too. Sometimes I feel ridiculous for fighting for my marriage when my WW is actively fighting against me.

Well, gents, there is also the whole matter of self-respect as a counter balance to patience and willingness. At some point we become enablers of poor behavior from self destructive individuals, as Jedi alluded to.

This is the war within me. Do I fight for my marriage because I believe it's sacred, or do I let my WW go and pursue her self-destructive behavior? If I give up, am I exercising self-respect or failing the woman I vowed to cherish through good times and bad? No one would fault me for giving up. In fact, my friends and family are actively encouraging me to stop fighting for my marriage. But I have read far too many accounts of affairs and subsequent reconciliations not to believe there is some sort of temporary insanity in play here. I know my wife was a good person. She had her faults, but she was a good person. You can't fake being a good person for 18 years. My wife is a Christian, but she is at this time behaving as an unbeliever.

Fight: "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." (Mark 10:9)

Don't fight: "But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace." (1 Corinthians 7:15)

God addresses this very question in the book of Hosea.
Throughout the history of Israel, how did God treat spiritual adultery?

I wont be returning to this forum anymore, hopefully anyways, but before I left wanted to say thanks for your sharing of your case, since it is the opposite side of my case, it somehow let me see things to be wiser when talking.

One thing I did learn about MB is that it is not just recovering a marriage the goal, it is the recovering of yourself, and easier said than done, I know that one, I went against some advises myself... but the advises here will most of all lead YOU to heal the proper way.

Best of luck and may God Bless you.

What is your take on it, Jedi? I see that God told Hosea to marry a harlot. It was to be a symbol of Israel's spiritual harlotry. In Jeremiah, God calls Israel back even though Israel broke the covenant.

There are so many former waywards on this forum who are wonderful spouses and so much more caring and aware than many who have never had an affair. During the A they were indistinguishable from each other though. It's not silly to be aware of someone's potential.

No you don't have to do anything and no one would blame a walk away. But don't for a second see it as foolish. Even if it avails nothing to her you are taking the SAS course on being a good husband under fire. That will benefit some lucky lady one day, whether it is her or someone else.

Word!

So the news that I have filed has really stirred the pot on WW's side of the family. Lots of discussion with me via FB. They seem much more interested in pressuring her to work on the M now. I don't totally get it, but maybe this is what it took.

I had mentioned the ROs to her parents but not to her siblings, and it seems nobody over there connected the dots on how serious it made the situation. They asked for details after I told them I had filed, and so I just laid it out for them. I think they get it now.

There's supposed to be a discussion between her and her parents as well as her siblings over the weekend. I have no idea if this will be productive or not, but we will see. There's one SIL who is married and has been a good ally in this, and she seems pretty fired up about ensuring everyone is being frank with WW that she is being irresponsible with her choices right now.

What I gather is that (1) WW might not have got much pressure from anyone other than her parents before this, and (2) there might be other problems her parents are dealing with about her that I'm not aware of. SIL hinted towards something like this in one of her messages on FB and I'm wondering what ever became of the collections calls I had routed to FIL after WW changed her phone number.

Not getting my hopes up too terribly much, but curious to see what happens.

It can't hurt, anyway!

Well, I'm truly puzzled.

This FB conversation with WW's family sort of went in a lot of different directions. It was a group convo with parents and all of her siblings. At first, there was a lot of shock about my filing D. People hurt and disappointed. Then there was some discussion about the "why" of why I filed, and so I told them. Think I mentioned that last time.

After we got into the why, I got an uncharacteristically gung-ho response from her siblings about getting involved and trying to help me fight for the M. That was exciting.

Over the weekend WW talked with her parents, who knows what was said. But today I get a message from my MIL that I am supremely puzzled by.

She starts out saying how disappointed she is in all of this, and how she's prayed for a different outcome. She tells me outright that WW isn't going to contest the D. She then talks about how happy I made WW and how good I was for her during the years we were together, how she remembers many things fondly with us together. Then she asks me to "love WW enough to let her go", and says nobody wants D but WW has her heart set on it.

This message was sent separately from the group message and she said plainly that it wasn't meant for the group, and that she was going to let WW talk to the rest of her family on her own about the situation. All of it gives me the impression that the parent's take on this is "let's not make this uglier/more uncomfortable than it has to be". I don't know what to do. I also know that MIL has been very concerned about how stressful this is for me, and she may just be trying to look out for me in asking me to give up rather than stick it out.

Obviously, if this isn't contested, I will be a free man in VERY short order. Something like 20 days.

But there's part of me that can't believe they've found a way to rationalize this, and that the siblings will not get told the truth about things. None of the siblings knew about the ROs when I told them, and MIL/FIL knew about it.

Maybe this is just the family dynamics here, and part of me thinks I shouldn't mess with it this late in the game, but it's hard for me to understand. I come from a family where we talk openly about things and you know where everyone stands. How can they live this way?

Do I just leave the rest of them out in the dark about this? They're all adults, 25+! Some of them were offended that I hadn't told them about the ROs until I filed D (because they would have talked to WW about it), but I simply thought their parents would relay this to them.

The practical side of me says this is screwed up and dangerous and that I should walk away while I'm still relatively unscathed. What do you guys think?