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Marriage Builders Forums General Discussion Other Topics what to do if you think an acquaintance is having

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Re: what to do if you think an acquaintance is having indiegirl #2840412 01/27/15 12:04 PM
Joined: Jan 2015 Posts: 225 B buildsherhouse OP Member
OP buildsherhouse Member B Joined: Jan 2015 Posts: 225	My perspective on angry men is skewed I know. Know too many in my old subculture that walk the line between being respectable and flying off the handle just a few devastating times in their lifetime. The people you have the least evidence for lose control so badly. And I have seen women try to say they are abused and told it is just baloney they shouldn't be looking for anyone that might help and then the truth comes out after someone's been injured. Experience makes me cautious. However, I am sure you are correct in this case. I will do my due diligence and do the right thing. Married to Pearlseeker for 13 yrs

Re: what to do if you think an acquaintance is having buildsherhouse #2840413 01/27/15 12:07 PM
Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 6,108 B black_raven Member
black_raven Member B Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 6,108	Originally Posted by buildsherhouse And if you had been told the spouse was emotionally unstable and had his own affairs would you count that as being gaslight by the wayward? How would you go about informing/passing a message to a spouse you don,t know and has no idea who you are? I exposed to two BHs since my then WH had two OW... First BH...I did not know this man and he did not know me. Turns out he was also a wayward but I didn't let that stop me from exposing. Second BH...he was supposedly violent and unstable. I had met the man though. Even if he was a violent and unstable I would have exposed but I also took the claims of him being violent and unstable with a grain of salt considering the sources (OW and WH). Even though you are dealing with an acquaintance, the steps to inform the betrayed doesn't really change...it's only a matter if you want to get involved or not. I would inform a betrayed. If there is any legitimacy to the BS being a violent then I'd also consider the exposure as doing the WS a favor. BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011 Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been. We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt

Re: what to do if you think an acquaintance is having black_raven #2840418 01/27/15 12:33 PM
Joined: Jan 2015 Posts: 225 B buildsherhouse OP Member
OP buildsherhouse Member B Joined: Jan 2015 Posts: 225	Quote If there is any legitimacy to the BS being a violent then I'd also consider the exposure as doing the WS a favor. Agree. And if it were just two adults I,d be more willing to speak and wash my hands of responsibility letting chips fall as they will. I wanted to think about what it means when there are little kids in the mix. Affairs, even emotional ones which are generally excused outside this kind of forum, are ugly. The hurt reaches so far beyond the wayward. Thanks for the replies.

Re: what to do if you think an acquaintance is having buildsherhouse #2840423 01/27/15 12:53 PM
Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 6,108 B black_raven Member
black_raven Member B Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 6,108	Originally Posted by buildsherhouse I wanted to think about what it means when there are little kids in the mix. Having little kids in the mix is my biggest motivator to expose. Violence or an affair is going to destroy the lives of children...shine a light on it. BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011 Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been. We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt

Re: what to do if you think an acquaintance is having black_raven #2840439 01/27/15 01:43 PM
Joined: Apr 2012 Posts: 3,197 U unwritten Member
unwritten Member U Joined: Apr 2012 Posts: 3,197	I used to be a domestic violence advocate in a large city. In the handful of years I did this work, I never met one victim that admitted too or exhibited any signs of being in an affair. Most were controlled to such an extent by their abusers they had no opportunity for one. And most were afraid to tie their own shoes, much less do something that could put them in their grave.

Re: what to do if you think an acquaintance is having unwritten #2840455 01/27/15 02:16 PM
Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 P Prisca Member
Prisca Member P Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3	Quote The abuse card is always baloney. Not always. Markos' Wife FWW - EA 8 kids ... What to do with an Angry Husband

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