Wish I had some sage advice.

They don't understand the dynamics of an affair. They're forming opinions based on what she's telling them while she's in the fog.

My FIL was firmly on my side at the beginning, but he's lost hope and is now expressing sympathy rather than being determined to help.

I would go with walk away while you are relatively unscathed. If WW's family dynamics are screwed up, you can't fix it. As you said they are all adults. I'm confused by what you wrote though. You said all her siblings know about the RO now as being the reason you filed D. So who is in the dark about what?

Blood is thicker than water........

It is just the way families are.

They accept their wayward people.

It is easier for them than standing up to them.

The MIL is upset that the divorce is happening. She was hoping and praying for a different outcome.
Her message may not be rational but emotional

My in-laws won't talk to me anymore either. My MIL was very supportive and then just cut me off. It's a defense mechanism. It's just denial. She basically just thinks as long as he sees his kid AT ALL he is being a good dad and that's what she cares about. He first husband was wayward (my wh's dad) and was a terrible father. She should see what is happening, but just won't say anything. I was texting her for a while even though she wouldn't talk to me, but then I just have up. She doesn't care about our marriage, so I jugs stopped. Not worth the time.

Parents have a very hard time with this, obviously. I would maybe talk to her once or twice more, but if she is the same way, let it go. Enablers are very hard to stop and should just be cut off. If someone isn't helping you, they don't really care about the marriage, so it's not worth it to keep hammering home your point.

The sibs are almost certainly in the dark that their parents have basically asked me to give up on WW at this point. The siblings were talking to me about what I'd need to see from WW to feel comfortable withdrawing my D filing.

I'd like to reach out to the siblings and see if they've had any luck talking to WW, but now I feel awkward since their parents obviously want me to let this go.

I get the impression from her parents that keeping the peace in the family (and protecting WW) is more important to them than saving the marriage.

I guess I'm not sure what is dangerous? What could prevent you from being unscathed at this point? Do you mean physically? If not, what do you have to lose?

If you cause a ripple in their family dynamic, maybe that's good. Families should have things out in the open. I grew up in a family that had "certain things ya just don't talk about". It was nonsense. I was around my friend's families enough to see that "out in the open" was much, much better.

Even if that's not the case, your problem now is saving your marriage, not fixing communication issues in her family(maybe help later though). I would go all out if my WW's family would actually talk to me, or if I wouldn't have to expect a RO for contacting them.

I would also like to say that I can understand not being willing to trample everything in your way, at this point; for something you may never get back.

The devil's advocate for me on this is that it's all academic. The siblings may not have any pull with WW anyways. What's hard to know is how much effect exposure had on her in this regard.

Both she and OM actually changed their phone numbers after exposure so I do think they got plenty of pressure. I just don't think WW got much from her immediate family at this point.

I agree with you face, that there's really nothing to lose. I guess part of me just thinks any conversation with any of them is going to be so melancholy at this point, very awkward.

Gotcha. If you are still interested in salvaging your marriage or in letting the sibs know that their parents have asked you to "let her go" then I would simply tell the sibs that is what MIL(FIL?) has asked of you and let the cards fall where they may. On a practical level, you have already "let her go." Her family may mean well but the onus is not on you for WW to act right.

Letting people in on the truth vs fighting for the marriage are two different things. You don't owe your MIL silence to the sibs or anyone else.

Things can always turn around.
When I was in similar shoes, I remembered the Rocky movies and decided thAt I was going to fight for my marriage till the final round. That's all we can do. Our best.
That way, I can always say I did my best.

But sometimes God and fate open other paths for us to walk on. I do know this. My uncle was killed at the age of 29 in Cambodia. (During the war) . He was young. My aunt works in hospice and sometimes helps young people prepare for death. We have a limited number of days. And we should try to be productive and enjoy them. Dont let your cheating, lying wife make you miserable.

Yeeaaahhh....this is the hard part. I'm a fence sitter at this point and I hate it.

I look at the uncontested part of this and think...you've only got 20 days....most people have to wait months or years.

Plus my own family's reaction to the idea of me having anything to do with WW at this point is:

I mean, they really do not like her at this point.

I know I gotta man up and figure this out, but anyhow that makes it interesting.

The SIL who's been the most supportive...it was her husband who met with me way back when to talk about things and encourage me. I'm thinking of meeting up with him and comparing notes. He had a lot of information on how the family was handling this with WW that I was not privy to at the time, and I think he might be able to help me understand the current dynamic in that camp. I'll probably see if I can meet up with him.

Your family doesn't like her because most people dont appreciate cheaters and liars.

Yeah but the RO battle was the dealbreaker. That was the point of no return, LOL.

I still have contact with my ex-inlaws...some more than others. But I also have children with my ex. My ex hated that I was still on good terms with his family during our divorce/post D. I have regular contact with my youngest ex-SIL. She and my ex do not get along so she would rather talk to me anyway!

I understand.
My mom hated WW after the school said she was sending my 4 year old to school hungry and yelled at the teacher for feeding her. My mom told me that made her hate my ww!

I hated her after she accused me of drugging, kidnapping and raping her.

Your family has standards and they care about your freedoms. That's good.

If things never work out I don't want contact with any of the in laws. They're good people but I'd rather just put this all in the past. I'd probably feel different if I had kids and custody issues...but I don't.

That would be the best course of action.
You need to decide if you want to plan B for a couple years or just move on. Either way, Dr Harley would encourage no contact.

***edit: I mean no contact even if you dont want to save the marriage. Sometimes he supports lengthy plan A lasting years to win the wife back.

Totally relate. I'm pretty sure WH is a lost cause, but if he did turn into another person overnight, I don't know what I would do. Probably be so stunned, it would take a few days to recover.