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Thank you, I really appreciate your reply.
Me-BH-35
WW-31
Married for 5 years
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Hi Jedi: sorry for the delay,I made the mistake once and asked her questions, but we totally stopped talking about it. It is hard sometimes but I am doing the best to stick with Plan A.
Some people out there thinks that affairs are not a big deal, but it is horrible. My WW PA affair not only caused a lot of emotional pain but it also created financial issues. We are both now unemployed, we both resigned to move back to the USA and basically we are living from our savings and family support. I am doing the best I can to return back on track. Thank you very much to everyone here in this forum for your replies. Sir, I want to clarify something: Plan A is only a temporary measure to win back a wayward spouse during an affair. After the wayward has ended the affair (by sending a No Contact letter and agreeing to extraordinary precautions) then you should be following the steps in Surviving an Affair. Because Plan A is a plan of unconditional love, it is temporary in nature. Plan A cannot continue indefinitely and you should be introducing the Policy of Joint Agreement into your marriage.
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Sealife, how are things now?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Hi SugarCane:
Things are a lot better, but still recovering. The hardest part was to get back on track and to find a job. We moved back to the states and we are getting counseling. My WW is very remorseful but in general following all the MB recommendations.
There is no more contact between WW and the OM, my WW gave up the computer, closed accounts, changed phone numbers moved away etc. However, the POSOM although he was exposed, tried to initiate some contact my posting random stuff like a picture of him with message in hand online in hope my WW see it during the holidays. So, I am still in high alert.
Last edited by Sealife; 01/30/15 12:02 PM.
Me-BH-35
WW-31
Married for 5 years
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Hi SugarCane:
Things are a lot better, but still recovering. The hardest part was to get back on track and to find a job. We moved back to the states and we are getting counseling. My WW is very remorseful but in general following all the MB recommendations.
There is no more contact between WW and the OM, my WW gave up the computer, closed accounts, changed phone numbers moved away etc. However, the POSOM although he was exposed, tried to initiate some contact my posting random stuff like a picture of him with message in hand online in hope my WW see it during the holidays. So, I am still in high alert. How do you know he tried to initiate contact?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Hi:
I know the online social networks where the POSOM hangout. The OM keeps some of those accounts open for everyone to see what he is posting. My WW is not using her computer anymore, and she closed all the social networks accounts and we monitor each other accounts. But the POSOM post stuff like pictures of him with paper in hand with messages and stuff, that happened twice like two months ago.
Me-BH-35
WW-31
Married for 5 years
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So, it is kind of an online cold war that the POSOM is keeping. The guy is a loser, apparently my WW was the only interesting thing that ever happened on his life.
Me-BH-35
WW-31
Married for 5 years
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So, it is kind of an online cold war that the POSOM is keeping. The guy is a loser, apparently my WW was the only interesting thing that ever happened on his life. What makes you think the messages are for your wife? Can you read them?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Hi, yes the messages are for my WW. The OM will take for example a selfie with a paper on his hand and start the message with a "Hi WW Name".
I talked to the OM parents and other people, the guy is just creepy no moral values kind of guy. I was ready to plan B if my WW tried to contact the OM,but so far there is no contact and although we have ups and downs we are following the MB plan. My WW keeps telling me that the affair with the OM was the worst thing ever happened to her.
Me-BH-35
WW-31
Married for 5 years
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We moved back to the states and we are getting counseling. Tell us about the counselling. Is it joint, marital counselling? What is the goal of the counsellor - have they told you the end result they are seeking? What acts or activities are you required to perform each week to help your marriage? Do you talk about the affair when you are together in the meeting?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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By the way, I am keeping what I found about those postings to myself. I don't want my WW to get curious and start looking around.
Me-BH-35
WW-31
Married for 5 years
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Hi:
I know the online social networks where the POSOM hangout. The OM keeps some of those accounts open for everyone to see what he is posting. My WW is not using her computer anymore, and she closed all the social networks accounts and we monitor each other accounts. But the POSOM post stuff like pictures of him with paper in hand with messages and stuff, that happened twice like two months ago. If your wife is really doing all this, then you need to stop looking at his network sites yourself. Doing so is triggering you and encouraging you to live in fear. If you have confidence that she cannot see these messages herself, then there is no need for you to see them. You say she is not using "her" computer any more, but does she have a smartphone, and does she used a shared PC? Have you got spyware on those devices? If she is not yet going out to work, and those devices are monitored electronically, then she does not have an easy means to look at him in secret and you need to stop doing so yourself.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Hi SugarCane:
You are right I need to stop checking the social network sites. She have a regular phone not a smartphone, no apps and international calls and texting are blocked.
Me-BH-35
WW-31
Married for 5 years
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Hi SugarCane:
You are right I need to stop checking the social network sites. She have a regular phone not a smartphone, no apps and international calls and texting are blocked. If she has remained NC with OM and is living her life completely transparent then do not waste your time checkout by OM's social sites. It will keep you remained triggered and will hinder your recovery. How much UA time are you getting?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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How much UA time are you getting? I asked about your counselling because I want to know whether this is part of his advice. I suspect that your "difficulties" with recovery, despite having moved continent and cut all contact, and despite your wife's apparently doing everything right, is because you are not doing UA time (or enough of it), and because you are talking about the affair in your counselling sessions.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Hi SugarCane and BrainHurts:
We are doing UA time, you are both right, I need to stop and don't waste my time checking. Thank you for your replies.
Me-BH-35
WW-31
Married for 5 years
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Hi SugarCane:
No, the counselor is against talking about the affair. But you are right, I just need to stop looking at those social network websites.
Me-BH-35
WW-31
Married for 5 years
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Have you listened to the clips in here? Beware of Bad Counselors
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,537 Likes: 9
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Hi SugarCane:
No, the counselor is against talking about the affair. But you are right, I just need to stop looking at those social network websites. You haven't fully answered my question about this, though.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Posts: 9,537 Likes: 9
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How much, and what do you do?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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