He is not her husband and not even married people would be 'expected to share the burden' of abusive, dangerous and uncaring actions.

As someone who is childless , you have the luxury of throwing your life away on a man who doesn't care for you - we've given up advising you to have standards. But we are talking about a violent man and a child here. She owes the man who is abusing her nothing - it's her child she owes.

You are giving dangerous advice.

Seriously why would she have a discussion with him and show her concerns and that she expects change? We've seen what will happen if she does this. He will manipulate her some more, say he's going to change, threaten to kill himself and once again she will be sucked right back into this hole.

And talking to his therapist about it? She can't rescue him. They are not even married.

pleasewearmyshoe: You need to talk to your family as Melody suggested. Get your plan in order as to when you are going to leave. I wouldn't be telling your BF your plans or have any kind of discussion with him. You know exactly what will happen if you do this. He will suck you right back in and will probably become violent.

I would get everything in order and do it when he is not home so you don't have to face him. I would be leaving him a letter stating you and your son don't feel safe around him and will be moving out.

Do not have a conversation with him about it.

rocksolid is right, remove yourself from the situation first.
Inform him after the fact.

My plan is to tell my family and then not take my flight back home to him. Then I'll get a lawyer asap. My best friend is supporting me, and I know my work will too. My only chance is to cut him off cold turkey. Praying for the courage to follow through..

***EDIT***

Courage is a choice you have to make while still afraid...I know you can do it!!!!

Did you contact Dr H?

Please familiarize yourself with Marriage Builders principles, or refrain from posting.

***EDIT***

Please read the TOS.

I'm not trying to take the first persons opinion and run with it. But I've been manipulated so long that the more outside objective I can get, the more real this is feeling for me. I have to leave and let him clean up his own mess. It his problem. Not mine. as much as a feel like I need to be here for him... But gosh the little bit of time I'm having to spend at home with him, acting and deceiving like nothing is wrong.. is just normalizing everything all over again. Ugh. Just a few more days and we're free. I just have to commit. I have to commit. The hardest part of all of this, is knowing, that being the father of my son, I will never be free of him completely

You sound like you are in a better frame of mind today and know what you need to do. You will feel much better now that you have a plan.

You are doing what is best for yourself and your son.

Good job. Stay strong and stay the course.

Did you ever write Dr. Harley?

We can guide you on parallel parenting. That means you are very separate from him and his focus is forced to be responsible for his own parenting rather than leaning on or having much to do with you.

That all depends on his being safe enough to parent. You can consider legalities later, for now, get out of there.

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Moderator's note: Please check your email.

STOP disrupting this thread.

I never heard from Dr. H it's a long shot I suppose.

When did you write him? If you haven't heard back from him within a couple of days, you should click notify on your post and ask the mods to help get you in touch.

Can you delete threads I'm worried he might discover it if he has yet.

What makes you think he knows about MB?

What's happening PWMS? Were you able to move out yet?