Recovery is a two to five year process. As already mentioned moving far away helps recovery. Many cases moving is required.

You have this backwards. As you heal, you will be able to put those thoughts behind you. It is like being raped, you don't just put the trauma out of mind with a snap of your fingers. For you, the solution is very precise: a) time and b) recovery of your marriage. If you will go through this program diligently and affair proof your marriage and create a romantic, passionate marriage, those thoughts will fade away. If you are happy in the present, your mind does not tend to go to the past.

If you don't go through this program [the one described in Surviving an Affair] your resentment will GROW and fester year after year. But this does not have to be your fate.

Here are some good clips about just compensation.

What is Just Compensation?

EddieHead,

Get a polygraph for your WW to make sure you have the full truth and don't end up learning new details 5 10 or 20 years from now.

Get a DNA test for your child to put that monster of an issue to bed.

If you can get OM fired he may have to move to get another job.

God Bless
Gamma

I dont need one. GPS on her car confirms she saw him for 5 minutes today in a forest preserve parking lot on the way to work. there is no other reason for her to have been there.

what do I do. confront her? expose again? tail her and get photo evidence?

I'm tired of all the lies

Whatever you do, don't give up your spying resource. Even if that means following her to work, and then confronting both of them. I am sorry you are going through this. I feel for you.

Don't say anything. Hire a PI to quietly tail her.

Ask her if she has anything to tell you or if there has been contact? If she says nothing to report, keep watching, if she acts guilty then she is probably guilty.

I would get more evidence first, maybe she just stopped there to think or have a smoke or a good cry.
Before you confront again, you need solid proof.

For her to quit cold turkey is hard to do, especially the way you described her leading up to her agreeing to all EP.

should i go back to his employer (the police) with new evidence, or will that just get back to OM and drive this further underground

Contact the POSOM's Betrayed Wife directly.

Let her know that they are still meeting each other behind your backs.

Don't cower to an emotionally baseless request to not contact her further. The poor hurt woman needs to know her WH is still sneaking around on her.

Also, recontact this POSOM's investigation unit again and let them know that he has been still meeting your wife and when. He may have been on duty when he was carrying on this current affair contact.

Have you reached EVERY one of His and your Wife's family members and friends of influence?

Don't leave any stone unturned. This is War against your family.

LTL

Have you exposed to your and WW's families or not? You have avoided answering this question. Did you properly expose to EVERYONE or not? Exposure to OM's work and BW is NOT enough. Please answer.

Ok, so to summarize

1. contact OMW and employer with new evidence, even though it is technically circumstantial

2. do not confront wife without solid proof, but ask her if there has been any contact to gauge reaction

3. continue to search for and expose to acquaintances and relatives

4. continue to monitor and attempt to acquire solid proof

I presume the exposure checklist is pointless now until she stops seeing him, and that following through with any of the remaining items is worthless.

It will be difficult to not confront her. I'll have to become a better liar than she is.

to be honest, I'm not even sure if this is worth saving anymore. If it wasn't for the fact that I do occasionally believe that I see true remorse in her eyes, I wouldn't be doing this.

Of course, that could just be an act as well, though turning on the tears has never been a skill of hers.

EH

You have this backwards and it is clear to me that you have NOT exposed like you have been advised repeatedly. You expose so she won't be able to see him without risking further anger, disappointment and disgust from the families. Without PROPER exposure then everything else is worthless...you will be spinning your wheels. You should expose regardless of Recovery of Divorce so this jerk can't be around your child like he was only a friend.

If you refuse to expose, then save your $ for the PI and use it on a divorce attorney.

Don't give away your spying intel source.

Just say that you are giving her an opportunity to be open and honest.

You just reply, after she either denies anything or asks you how and what do you think you know, that you are completely willing to create a much better marriage for both of you if her affair is over.

Are you SURE she met him?

Is that forest preserve on her regular route to work, or did she have to go out of her way to stop there?

LTL

And no, you don't need more proof. You have plenty. Your problem is you are afraid to expose to the families.

70k texts and 200 photos is a MOUNTAIN of evidence. You do not need a PI.

What on earth would confronting her achieve?

Would you confront the town drunk or simply take the bottle away?

Exposure is the first step in order to ruin the affair.

Of course she won't stop seeing him before exposure! She still has privacy!

Yes tell OMW contact continues, and investigation unit. Do not reveal your sources.

Will you be hiring a PI if you think you need more evidence?

But you have plenty of evidence. Why do you think you don't have enough?