It's odd that you are on the Marriage Builders forum and yet take such a dim view of marriage. This forum is a place where we can learn to find and be a great marriage partner.

Atheists, just like people who revere God, normally want a spouse who practices sexual exclusivity, extraordinary care, who will engage in a permanent relationship to each other. The vows are to each other, in front of witnesses.

You don't have to be a Christian to have a wedding. A wedding is a public ceremony making your vows before witnesses. [and God, if you are religious] Atheists do get married. A wedding is a legally recognized union. Dating is not.

It makes no sense for you to come here and demand that we recognize your little dating relationship as a marriage and then work overtime to denigrate the institution of marriage. Bottom line is that there is a huge difference between dating and marriage, whether you want to accept it or not.

Your boyfriend has no commitment to you and his new relationship is just as legitimate as your relationship. I would just accept that he has moved onto something better as most renters do.

I dont have a problem with marriage, just with the ceremony. Been there, done that. The holy witnesses had a bottle under the table. By the end of the night everybody was jumping around the restaurant. What does it has to do with being in relationships? Commitment is a choice to be committed to each other disregarding of the witnesses. My boyfriend's commitment is all another story. For the sake of a hypothetical discussion- I strongly believe that commitment is made between 2 people in the relationships. Saying that witnesses make any difference is the same as to say that long as witnesses don't know, it is ok if the husband lies to you in person. If two people in love and one has affair, do you think it is some how less painful if there is no signed paper that they supposed to be committed? Betrayal is betrayal- being not married does not make it ok or any less stressful. If legal marriage offers you an extra layer of protection and sense of security, that is great- I have no problem with it. Many people do not need that extra layer. They are either committed or not. Either lie or not. Betray or not. It is simple.

Now- to clarify- we were hoping that one day we will be getting married. But we had no way to know what will happen in the future. From the practical side, and based on your comments, I should of know better then, and predict such an outcome. After all he is not going to become financially stable any time soon, therefore- we will not get married in reasonable time, therefor- I should not take my chances with this man. Right? Well- I took my chances and we had great time. We just have a problem now. People get together from different circles, religions, race, and classes all the time. You can not assume that just because one is poor, he is not a marriage material. It just makes it harder to accomplish, that's all.

Dating is not a "commitment." And my suggestion would be to stop demanding we give your little dating relationship the same gravity as marriage while you denigrate marriage in your next sentence. That makes absolutely no sense.

YOU might have hoped you were getting married, but your boyfriend has moved onto greener pastures. You would be wise if you did the same. I think you know he won't marry you anyway.

I am not demanding anything. You are free not to respond. I reserve the right to decide how to perceive my relationships and what meaning and value it has. Many people in the world can not get married for one reason or another. Some couples can not get divorce from previous relationships, some couples live in countries where marriage is not allowed between the same sex couples. But their relationships are as real to them as for any other married couple. If you refuse for some ideological reasons to discuss my issue and help me to make these relationships better, I can understand. I do not discard the option to end this union. But you have to accept that people look for different things in the relationships and their view on it can very. "Dating is not a "commitment." But the sex is. It is either exclusive or not.
Sorry- this thread gets long and hypothetical as there is not much action going on to discuss. I am aware that this arrangement was not working to meet our needs. It is not clear at this point if we will try to make it work, make it better or decide to move on. I am considering different options. I will update if something develops. Thank you for your support.

You can choose to perceive reality or not. That is certainly your prerogative. But it is also our prerogative to point out that dating is not the same as marriage. I don't think its caring to help someone "support" a dating experiment gone bad. Dating is a job interview for marriage. When the interview goes bad, it should end the relationship.

I would like to remind the OP that the purpose of this forum is to help people learn and implement Marriage Builders concepts. The Dating and Relationships forum exists to help unmarried people who want to work towards marriage. I don't see this thread being used for that purpose. This is not a place to argue against marriage but a place to learn the program. Since there is not a specific question that is being asked, and since you reject the idea of traditional marriage, we will lock this thread.