Can you file for an extension? My friend collected unemployment for 2 years.

Have you seen the trailer for the new Star Wars?

It might be denial based in a technicality, but keep praying that it will all work out.

I have seen the new trailers! Very excited.

AaaCCCKKK! Saw WH today! First time in 4 months.

He was supposed to pick up DD for his weekend visit at 11:00am, but he was an hour early and arranging his trunk, when I opened the door with DD. I was going to do a coffee/chocolate milk run with her before he came. I honestly, truly did not know that he would be there and did not hear him when I opened the door.

I put her down kissed her goodbye and closed the door (once she saw him, there was no putting that toothpaste back in the tube so I just let her run to him). I had already left her bag by the door.

I went upstairs and waited 15 mins and told my IM to ask to please come at the appointed time. If he is early, he is free to wait elsewhere, not in front of my house. He played with her IN MY DRIVEWAY for like 20 mins, so I was trapped inside (and I needed to go get some coffee).

The only saving grace was that I looked very nice this morning. So let him deal with that! I'm gorge and his mistress has man brows!

He may just start pushing the envelope more and more

This can be solved by changing the pickup and drop off locations to something like the library parking lot

Good call on how you handled it. Glad you were looking good.

The only problem with changing the pickup and drop off is that he can see you in our car if you don't have someone to run her over, etc.

You handled this perfectly!

Yeah, I don't want a public drop off because she is too small to walk to his car alone. If have to directly hand her off. At my house, I can stay behind the door with headphones on while my kid walks out. My IM hates him, so she doesn't want to run interference.

If I had the money, I'd have her in preschool, so he would just do pick up and drop off there.

Don't fret.
Though it is painful to see a wayward.....you did fine given the situation.

So reading Jk's thread, I definitely think I have too much contact with WH through IM and it may also be demanding/love busting. I don't think our marriage is recoverable at this point, but I DO want to learn how to be more accountable for my actions and controlling my immediate reactions. So for the time being I am going to post everything here I am think about having contact about.

So here goes--he has her this weekend, but next week on one of the days he has his " visitation" skype call with her, my dad wanted to take her to a "daddy-daughter" event. Should I ask him to move his call?

Also, he has her this weekend and he sent a message through the IM saying that he is staying one night at his cousin's house with her. Should I insist on asking where she is the other nights (he'll take her to a hotel, but I don't know where).

That is ok, but I would try to avoid schedule changes as much as you can. You don't want him doing that, so you shouldn't do it either. Typically, the BS is not sending any messages.


No, because he doesn't have to tell you.

Actually, legally he does have to tell me. It is in our parenting agreement and it is the law. I do have a right to know where she is staying. This isn't a issue for many parents here because they are in the same place as the WS.

I'm just not sure how to enforce it if he doesn't do it today. I have just told him that he needs to tell me where she'll be before a trip or I won't release her. Which is true, I won't. But now that she is gone (because she was at the cousins house) there is probably little I can do.

And I extend him the same right. He knows where she is staying at all times (at my house, of course), but I would be obligated to tell him if she went on a trip.

But what is the purpose of breaking Plan B for this information? Can you force him to tell you? I don't understand the point. You told him you wanted to cut off contact in Plan B and now you are contacting him.

True. I suppose it's not worth the effort. He's not so unfit that he'd put her in any danger. I struggle with keeping him to his word (which he does not keep) and Plan B. But Plan B is more important.

Anyway, I am going to follow the advice found here. When I do, things get better, when I don't, they get worse. So no asking about her whereabouts.

Try to remember that the less contact with a wayward the better. No contact with a wayward is where you will receive the most healing. Darker the Plan B the better for your growth, health and recovery. Unless it's an emergency there really isn't reason a BS should be sending messages.

Thanks BH and ML,

I am trying to remember that. I have been really trying to get my emotions under control. Following the MB path is hard for a lot of reasons. One of which--that is not actually talked about is that it's actually not the path of revenge/lashing out. It is really easy for me to justify my anger. I think that's why I went way, way overboard on the internet exposure postings (not even looking at them any more, thankyouverymuch). Putting up firm boundaries, but not lashing out is the height of real maturity and self-control. It's not an easy thing to achieve at all.

I am choosing as much intentional blindness as possible. I am choosing to not engage with him (or her through her exposure posts) at all any more.

I did all I could. Now it's time to really retreat. We had a sermon at church a couple of weeks ago talking about being captured by false philosophies, and the pastor also talked about a woman he met with a history of cutting and how that had captured her. He said that she had told him that most days it's better to stay in the pain because it is something she knows. It's like stockholm syndrome. I've lived with this pain for nearly a year now. I don't know how to live without it.

We are Herr to help you stay in a dark Plan B. Come to the board when you think you need to send a message to him through the IM.