Most states allow either parent to request CS to be reviewed every 3 years. So even if he gets a low amount now you can request for it to reviewed when he makes more income.

I am not aware of any 3 year waiting period, but am aware of changes to to Substantial Change In Circumstances.

LTL

It can change anytime in CA--custody and child support. And right now, according to the child support calculator, he owes me over 1k per month. He's going to hate that.

I agree that law students are not in the blind BUT are they licensed? Insured? IF they make a mistake is there any recourse? The answer is NO.

I have never heard Dr. Harley advise a caller on his Radio Show to use law students and self help legal forms for divorce.
In any disputed case involving children, an experienced attorney is needed.

Well I have 3 kids and my ex is supposed to pay $425 a month and I havent seen a dime. Literally not a dime.

I don't recall your background but make sure you have the means to support yourself without the CS, even if you need to take some educational classes to qualify for a different job.

I made 6 figures. I'll be fine. Also, in CA you can get wage garnishment to get CS.

Then you should be able to locate an attorney that will take a payment plan based on your work and earnings experience.
I think you are spending too much time and energy focusing on how to reduce the divorce costs and not enough time on doing what you do best.

In fact, my main issue would be the alimony I would owe him when I get a job making around what I was making. I made about 30k more than him.

I am not actually. I have an attorney, just not in this county. I spent 5k trying to ensure I could move my kid without interference, which I why I don't want to spend more money on another retainer. I am still unemployed and I can't really afford that right now.

My current attorney is helping me with the parenting agreement. All I need to do after that is file (and I cannot file until March 21 since that is the waiting period when you move counties). I will get the low cost resources to first check my filing, and then have my attorney look at them. On the off chance this thing goes to trial, I'll get a new attorney in my county.

I got this.

Did the attorney say you need to pay alimony in cases of adultery?

Sorry - no. If they are working out of a law firm or accredited law school, law students work under the supervision of a licensed attorney. It is sanctioned by the bar and the work is covered by insurance. Otherwise, the students would be engaged in the illegal practice of law.

I'd be willing to bet Dr. Harley has simply never considered the issue.

Yes. CA is a no fault state. It does not matter.

However, he'll owe me much more Child support than I would owe him spousal support given the custody arrangement right. The worst case scenario is that it would cancel out. Also, he can only request spousal at the time of filing. He cannot come back at get it later. Also, I would owe for only 2.5 years at most.

The debate about attorneys vs students in my situation is not that big of a deal. I POJA'd it. I'm using both.

But I agree that in most cases, it's probably wise to get at least a consulting attorney.

Yes it can be requested to be reviewed anytime by either side if there is substantial change on either side. If there hasn't been any substantial change and it's been 3 years a review can be requested.

So I should have said, a review can be requested if there's been a substantial change and/or 3 years have passed.

PW,
My understanding is that Alimony is part of the settlement, and once the decree is filed and the divorce is official, terms of alimony are set in stone. If you are currently not employed you won't be required to pay alimony.

However, terms for child support can change after the divorce is official. Judges can change that requirement depending on the situation. Same with terms of custody.

Hold off on that job for awhile.

Hi J3ofUS,

It takes 6 months for a divorce to be finalized in CA. I cannot wait that long to work as if I do, it will be about a year of me not working. That awill hurt my long term prospects and I am in a very technical field where current skills are valued. Like I said, there will be no way that alimony would be more than child support. Right now, according to the CA calculator, I would owe him $350. He would owe me $1100. I would owe him that for 2.5 years. He would owe me that for 15 years. There is no way that this will turn out unfavorably for me.

I'm still rooting and praying for you PW.

Hi Guys,

I just want to say thanks to everyone on this board. The more I talk about the divorce, the more I realize what a good position I am actually in and it makes me less afraid of the road ahead. I am not happy about filing. I REALLY wanted to make my marriage work, but I know that his choices have made that impossible.

I am still a little afraid of the future. I will be working full time again and have a little kid. I am not sure I'll ever have the time to fall in love again in those circumstances. However, I know I shouldn't even think about that until this thing is final, but the thought creeps in there from time to time.

PW,

I'm glad you are through the hardest part. There are highs and lows still to come, but standing on your own is a big help. Remember to take care of yourself. I exercised a lot and spent extra time with my two daughters and family when I was getting divorced. Though it was the saddest time of my life, I have some very special memories of that time. How we respond to adversity and tragedy is a great indicator of our spirit to live and thrive. You are doing well!

Don't worry about falling in love at this point. You are still married, and Plan B is still an effort to save the marriage, even if it is in silence. Though Plan B might be seen as the last gasp of a marriage destroyed by infidelity, it is not always the end of the marriage. In fact, the love and care showed by the betrayed spouse during Plan A combined with the absence of disrespectful judgments and angry outbursts coupled with the self respect and dignity that takes place while in Plan B is powerful.

Once the divorce is official (I am also in NorCal so I had to wait 9 months too), then you can start to think of the crossroads you find yourself in. It's an odd, yet liberating, place to be, and you are strong and you have so much going for you.

One can't predict the future. When I was in your place, I thought it was over and I could not conceive of reconciliation, though at the same time I could not come to terms with the dissolution of my marriage and family. Talk about inner conflict. Once the divorce was official, I was ready to move forward with a new chapter in life. I started to author a new story. But as they say, if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans. Four months after the divorce was official, my wife and I started talking. She ended her affair, we put in place EP's, and reconciliation begun. Three months after that we were re-married. No one in our families thought it was possible. For awhile I didn't want it to be possible. I was angry, spiteful, and did not want give it another shot. But I also remembered my vows. In spite of all the extreme hurt and destruction wrought by her affair, I was able to get past it once she provided just compensation, and today we are both very happy together, and our children are so much better off.

My point is this: You are still in Plan B, so be mindful of the race that you are running. No one knows how it is going to end, but we do know this: If you run it right, you will win. Regardless of your husband's choices or anyone else's.

Godspeed!

Thanks J3US,

I did an awful Plan A because I was exposed to the affair for months (didn't know about MB. I was getting that terrible DB coaching-ugh, which told me to do a "180" while my soul was being crushed).

Also, until recently, I had been breaking Plan B too much. Not directly, but through my IM, who had been brokering texts. It wasn't a ton of the time, but enough to be annoying and disrespectful on both sides. But I have stopped doing that. My IM moved communication to email and I have made a VOW to not contact unless it is absolutely needed. I will post here if I ever think I need to contact to get feedback.

Since I have bad those changes in Plan B, I feel much better. I am conflicted too, of course. But I know it's best to move forward. The one thing I know is that I have followed the advice here and been better off.