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In a nice bit of irony, I looked at the text the OW sent me the other day. Responding to my insistence that she was a big part of ruining my life, she wrote "the only one who can ruin one's life is one's self." I should have put that in the posts. Let's not think about the posts anymore.  They've served their purpose.
Remarried 7/16
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Also, your OW and mine would save more money by just paying to get the links suppressed or taken down. But it's all clearly hit a nerve. I have a feeling the OW in my case is using the RO to try to convince her workplace that nothing's going on. I believe she and my WW have tried to convince everyone I'm crazy. Wait 'til the discovery process, though. I don't think she has any idea that we'll be able to deposition people. She's only made things worse for herself.
Remarried 7/16
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I try not to think about the posts. I just wanted to make sure that I had evidence of the affair in written form, so I looked at the text (which has the power to make me want to break my phone).
Yes--breathe deep and don't think about it. Im way too scared for no reason.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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Oh, I'm saying it to myself, too. I found myself checking the posts obsessively to make sure they're still up. It doesn't matter, though. She may eventually get them all taken down, but they've already served their purpose.
Remarried 7/16
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Can someone please give me a bit of hope today? I've been doing pretty well overall considering, but I'm just tired.
I do a lot of self-care, but I still feel to enmeshed in this. I just feel trapped. I feel like reconciliation would be impossible, but that moving on is also filled with sadness. Honestly, I am moving in because there isn't really a good alternative, but it's still hard.
I get really down when my daughter is gone, which is probably part of how I am feeling now. I'm going to the bookstore to read and get coffee and as an excuse to wear my new dress.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I'm going to the bookstore to read and get coffee and as an excuse to wear my new dress. This sounds like a great idea. You will feel loads better just getting out of the house and dealing with nice people. More sleep will help. Know that and plan for it. You have loads going for you, and this may still work out, but even if it doesn't, you will have a better life and set a great example for your daughter of how she should expect to be treated. Hang in there. Lastly, are you taking A.D.s? If not, I would recommend them. Huge difference for me.
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Can someone please give me a bit of hope today? I've been doing pretty well overall considering, but I'm just tired.
I do a lot of self-care, but I still feel to enmeshed in this. I just feel trapped. I feel like reconciliation would be impossible, but that moving on is also filled with sadness. Honestly, I am moving in because there isn't really a good alternative, but it's still hard.
I get really down when my daughter is gone, which is probably part of how I am feeling now. I'm going to the bookstore to read and get coffee and as an excuse to wear my new dress. We all need hope during and after a tragedy. And, you're right, either path is a tough choice. Reconciliation requires both spouses and is hard. Divorce is hard, too. Both paths are tough and since this was foisted on you, it seems even harder, because of the injustice of it all. As you stay in Plan B and your life progresses, you will start to feel better. Affairs, divorce, death, any kind of tragedy all take a while to recover from. You are going to spend some time grieving, feeling anger and probably some degree of disbelief, but Plan B will keep you from the wayward drama. Make sure you get some exercise every day, eat right, cultivate a few good friendships, manage your money well, and in time, your life will feel a lot better than it does right now.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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WH sent an email to IM asking how he gets in touch if late with DD tomorrow since I cut off all communications except email. Do I respond with anything? It's a silly question. He has an email and he shouldn't be late anyway.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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WH sent an email to IM asking how he gets in touch if late with DD tomorrow since I cut off all communications except email. Do I respond with anything? It's a silly question. He has an email and he shouldn't be late anyway. My ex wife claimed the same thing. Need to be able to text etc. You can set up a Google Voice account and forward it to your IMs email. Its a real phoje number he can text, leave message on etc. There is no charge for it.
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Well, he is staying at a hotel 3 miles away, so I am not sure why he'd even be late. Also, I have my DDs burner phone, which I don't usually answer, but it's there.
Also, it's 2014. Emails go to phones.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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Also, it's 2014. Emails go to phones. Yep.
Remarried 7/16
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She should say he can email it and that if you contact her about any lateness it will just be a matter of checking the emails.
While phones do get email I used to try and avoid giving the waywards that impression in case they used the emails like text.
I asked them for 48 hours notice and wouldreply at the same time daily. Gives the impression I'm checking email once a day and that they can't blow up my phone.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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He is dropping her off tomorrow (this morning) and is staying three miles away. Any lateness on his part would be intentional--like last time. I am sure my lawyer will get an email from his about how I'm a terrible "co-parent" (I hate that term).
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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WH left a note in my DD's bag that he needs my SSN for health coverage with information about the plan. The thing is $900 per month! I sort of like the idea of him paying $900 because he doesn't pay for anything, but DD and I qualify ourselves for Medi-Cal. Neither plan covers my medication, so I will have to switch that. From a marriage stand point, it is best to keep this separate given Plan B, correct?
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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If you haven't seen the paperwork, don't assume you won't be liable for the $900 payment (which is crazy.) Isn't the application online? He could have clicked a box as if you are a joint applicant. I would never want my exWH to have anything to do with my insurance especially if I haven't seen anything he is sticking my name on...nope. I have a feeling you will keep a door of contact open with him. I would not want the headache in dealing with him in any way.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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There was no reason he had to add you...I assume this is a "family" plan. You could have gotten your own insurance. This is IB and him keeping a door open...any good intentions are irrelevant.
ETA: You mentioned your medicine isn't covered...does this coverage come with some crazy deductible? Asking more for curiosity.
Last edited by black_raven; 02/23/15 06:29 PM.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Yes, crazy deductible. Medi-Cal doesn't cover it either, but I can get a comparable medication under medi-cal.
Also, homegirl had the cops call me to tell me to stop posting her and that she lost a job over the postings. I told them that I am no longer posting as I already exposed her and to cry me a river over the job.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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Yes, crazy deductible. Medi-Cal doesn't cover it either, but I can get a comparable medication under medi-cal.
Also, homegirl had the cops call me to tell me to stop posting her and that she lost a job over the postings. I told them that I am no longer posting as I already exposed her and to cry me a river over the job. LOL.
Remarried 7/16
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The phone call actually made me less scared because the sheriff seemed to be amused. He told me that there has been no contact between her and my husband and I actually snorted...yeah. Riiiighht.
Meh. They are just fist shaking because there is nothing else to do. I've exposed so now it's over.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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