Here is an example. He calls our daughter tonight. She was laughing at me acting silly and it made him mad. So he proceeded to tell her to tell me "Thanks for being such a distraction when she's trying to talk to him" this stuff throws me over the edge!!!

In my state that is standard in a divorce, especially with infidelity. Allowing her to spend the night would be against my decree.

Here is an example. He calls our daughter tonight. She was laughing at me acting silly and it made him mad. So he proceeded to tell her to tell me "Thanks for being such a distraction when she's trying to talk to him" this stuff throws me over the edge!!!

I am not upset with Indie, her information has been valuable to me. I just caught the vibe that since I don't quite understand how doing some of these things will help my emotional well being and not harm it, that I am not welcome here. I also feel like I am put in a bad light because my ex husband had an affair and I am not lashing out and making it near impossible for my daughter to feel comfortable around us both without feeling animosity, that I am wrong. Very wrong to this forum. I just want to do the right thing. I just want to appear and be as though I have moved on and don't hold all kinds of bitterness and resentment because my ex-husband couldn't stay faithful to our marriage. It stinks, and I hate it. My self esteem took a huge, MAJOR hit on top of what I have already dealt with during the marriage. At this point, I don't know where to turn, nor do I know what is right or wrong, but my ex husband is a major A*&hole and has the capability of making my life miserable when it comes to the daughter that we share. He's a liar, and a cheat with no feelings. It's sad to find this out 15 years after I met him. I am only 31 years old and feeling this way.

I'm in Alabama. My attorney strictly advised me not to stray from the divorce papers. If I give in once and change my mind later, if he ever starts having all kinds of women in and out of his house the judge will look poorly on my allowing it one time. I'm not dealing with someone I can make adult, conscious decisions with. Normally, no I am not around when he speaks to our daughter. Tonight we were at the nail salon and he, of course called my mobile. I don't block or change my number because I am afraid of emergencies and him not being able to reach me. From now on, after tonight if he wants to speak to our daughter he is to call the house phone and never call my cell again unless my daughter is in his care and something terrible is wrong. Also, I spoke with my daughter tonight. She was very uneasy and didn't want to talk about it. Especially considering the stunt he pulled tonight. She shut me completely down and started crying saying "I don't want to talk about it" I see counseling in her very near future.

Oh, and there is no such thing as giving and taking if we need to switch up days. When we first divorced I accidentally planned a beach trip for myself and my daughter on what was my weekend but his designated holiday. I think it was labor day. He wouldn't let me take her to the beach because it was his holiday per the divorce papers and that supercedes who ever is supposed to have her that weekend. She was so upset. I told him it was an honest mistake that I had not memorized the divorce papers. It was a no go still.

She will soon become his wife I am sure and will be considered my daughters step mother. What good does all this discord do my daughter? Would it not be better for her to know that she is surrounded by many people that love her and for me to just deal with the heartache on my own terms?(

I have been separated from her dad since February 18th of 2014. He told her the day we left that "Daddy had done some very bad things to hurt mommy and we would be going to stay with gammy for a while until daddy could figure some things out" .

I am not upset with Indie, her information has been valuable to me. I just caught the vibe that since I don't quite understand how doing some of these things will help my emotional well being and not harm it, that I am not welcome here. I also feel like I am put in a bad light because my ex husband had an affair and I am not lashing out and making it near impossible for my daughter to feel comfortable around us both without feeling animosity, that I am wrong. Very wrong to this forum. I just want to do the right thing. I just want to appear and be as though I have moved on and don't hold all kinds of bitterness and resentment because my ex-husband couldn't stay faithful to our marriage. It stinks, and I hate it. My self esteem took a huge, MAJOR hit on top of what I have already dealt with during the marriage. At this point, I don't know where to turn, nor do I know what is right or wrong, but my ex husband is a major A*&hole and has the capability of making my life miserable when it comes to the daughter that we share. He's a liar, and a cheat with no feelings. It's sad to find this out 15 years after I met him. I am only 31 years old and feeling this way.

Okay, Indie, say I do explain to my daughter why I am doing no contact with him. Where do I go from there? What if she cries? Tells me she doesn't understand? What if she gets angry at me?

Plan B really hasn't been an option for me.

First of all, I am sorry for the rambling. This is my mind these days...

Next week will be one year since I found out about my husbands emotional affair. He ended up leaving me for this woman. I am going to be honest about my struggles since then. I thought I was a pretty good wife. We went no longer than 2 weeks our whole 10 year marriage without sex. He never had to ask what we were having for dinner, whether I cooked or we went out he never had to fix his own meal. We argued, yes, and when we did he would curse and yell and call me names. I don't know if we didn't get along because he was a jerk with a narcissistic personality or if I was really the nag that was everything he said I was the day he decided that our marriage was over for him. Since that day, I have felt such guilt. Guilt for not initiating sex, guilt for not taking vacations just he and I. (We always took family vacations with my parents) Guilt for not being, I guess, more affectionate? Guilt for everything. However, he did nothing for me. He would occasionally buy me flowers for our anniversary, but then he'd call me a Bit*& during an argument or whatever ugly name or low blow he could throw out there and all that nice went down the drain. He didn't take out the trash, hired someone to cut grass, never helped wash dishes or clean the house, never cleaned up after or fed the animals, never helped with our daughter. He went to work, and came home. That was it. Oh and expected sex all the time. I just don't understand why the weight is so heavy on my shoulders. Of course I could have done more, but nothing would have EVER pushed me to cheat, and I don't feel that anything I did really should have caused him to cheat either. Why do the accusations he yelled so loudly at me one night stick so strong? I really feel as though this is preventing me from moving on. His mom and I didn't have a really good relationship because she was a backstabber and talked about everyone she met. She didn't raise her son and wanted to act like mother of the year occasionally. She's been married 5 times.... My family basically took him in at 16 and he lived with us until he and I got married. We stayed pure with one another until marriage believe it or not. Now his mother and the woman he had an affair with seem to have a wonderful relationship. Some of the friends we had through his job are now friends with her as well. Her family has taken him in with open arms. I tried to expose in the beginning, but I feel that the exposure actually had the opposite effect and caused him to believe that since everyone knew, our relationship was doomed and pushed him to move on. I am just so confused. My mind rolls along constantly and 99% of my thoughts are focused on this relationship they have an why we couldn't make it work, but yet he thinks with his personality that it will work with someone else. She was cheating on her husband with him too, by the way. She has two children ages 7 & 12. They all moved in with my ex husband WAY before our divorce was even final. So sad and I need some help and ideas on how to get this out of my mind and stop blaming myself for his cheating. I dream about it all the time, I can't rest peacefully because my dreams are haunted of he and I, and him and her. It's bad. Really bad. He's been so cruel to me and constantly causes issues and starts arguments about our daughter. I feel like I am not free of this man, even though we are divorced.

Also, if I don't tell him about small, unimportant functions, those are the ones his girlfriend finds out about and they show up to. Like Thanksgiving lunch at school. Parents were welcome, but their wasn't an invite sent out. Myself and my parents went to eat lunch with my daughter and he showed up with the OW. We all had to sit at a table with my daughter like a happy family. That was one of the worst days to date. Ballgames are going to be a totally different story. Her family has welcomed him with open arms. I don't think they fully know the situation, but I don't think it will change anything when they do find out.

One of the things that has stopped me from going full speed ahead at this human being is that I am afraid if I piss him off too much he will take me to court and try to fight me for 50/50 custody of our daughter, and at this point my love and time spent with her is the only thing that's keeping me above water.

He choose OW over your daughter (by moving her in thus not allowing any overnight visitation). How are you making the leap from that to 50/50?

That makes ZERO sense.

Also, I spoke with my daughter tonight. She was very uneasy and didn't want to talk about it. Especially considering the stunt he pulled tonight. She shut me completely down and started crying saying "I don't want to talk about it" I see counseling in her very near future.