Creating a grid and filling inyour hours of activity will help you both figure out where you have time for UA. I believe you have plenty of time. Know why? Because my husband and I each work 80 hours per week and still find at least 15 hours or UA time, usually more like 20-25.But this only happens because we make the #1 priority.

There are 168 hours in a week. Even if you sleep 50-60 hours, that leaves over 100 hours for activities.

Can you exercise together?

Do you have time before work/school that is being wasted?

How many hours per week is the TV on?

You said you quit all gaming. Did you get rid of your consoles and game paraphernalia?

In some states, 10 years old is considered old enough to stay home by oneself for short periods of time (a few hours).

Texan, I would sit down with her and block out the most PRIME hours of the day when you have the most energy. For most people that is between the hours of 5 to 8-9pm, Saturday afternoon and Sunday afternoon. You want to plan your UA time FIRST and then fill in time for less important things like your job, schooling, etc.

Do you have a babysitter for your son?

I would LOVE to be able to give my wife all of my undivided attention in a date/intimate setting but she seems to just put me off, keep me at arms length without coming out and actually saying anything damaging about our future.

I will proceed with trying and try to keep a positive attitude. I will make all the time possible to take her out of the house and have UA (as long as she agrees, of course).

EDIT: She said previously that she would think of something to do, but now is just putting off talking about it.

Why not present this subject to her? Tell her the purpose, the goal and show her the worksheet. Tell her this is how romantic love is restored to marriages.

I have presented it to her, but haven't unveiled this program. I was waiting until she showed at least some verbal voluntary assent. As long as all I'm getting is "I'll think about it" I seriously don't know what more I can do. I will continue to try. I will continue to be loving, kind, and everything a husband should be. Until she actually makes a firm decision either way (I'm no so sure she hasn't already and just is afraid to tell me?) what else can I do? I want a wife who I love and who loves me. I'm not willing to just sit and let lukewarm relations stagnate anymore. We both deserve better.

LEAD the way and show her what you've been doing! She may love it.

All she can say is no. You've courted her before, yes?

It involves the risk of her saying no. You smile, say OK, and keep on going like the terminator.

I would show her the program. She can't buy an idea if she doesn't know what it is.
I would sharpen up your selling skills and think about how this program would benefit her. People buy things when they see a personal benefit.

Perfect!!

Action, not words.

This is my question too.

Will you get rid of the objects that detracted you and your time away from your Wife.

Give them all away, Now.

Someone can post the list of potential date suggestions. Use Them.

LTL

Texan, are you avoiding this question? Like MelodyLane said, "Unless you change your lives to make your marriage the FIRST priority, nothing will ever change."

This morning I joined a gaming addicts group. When I get home today I will uninstall all the games on my system. I may sit my wife and son down and have them watch me do it.

You are completely right that actions, not words, are the only things that have a chance to rebuild the trust I've lost. I'm literally on my knees in the shower daily praying that I get another chance to restore what we once had together. You guys do give me hope that it is not impossible.

Of course it's not impossible!

How long would it take you to re-install them if you want to?

If you really are an addict, then you need to do more than this. You need enable Parental Controls, if you have a Mac, so that your wife has to approve every website that you visit, or you need to install spyware on your devices, so that she can see that you are not re-installing the games.

Even dumb phones allow you to play games, and they do not allow for the installation of spyware, so it might be better to get rid of any such device.

Also, you need to get rid of any dedicated games consoles.

Get rid of your gaming system. If you have any Xbox Live or similar accounts, Cancel them. If you have any IRL friends that you were gaming with, you need to let them know that gaming was destroying your life and to never ask you to play again.

Getting rid of the gaming console is VERY important. If you can see friends inviting you to play or just the potential game play in front of you, you WILL start again.

If you were thinking to keep the console for TV/Netflix, forget it. You will end up playing. if that is an issue for your family, get a Roku.

I never really used consoles. It was always PC gaming. I never played with IRL friends, just anonymous "others."

My wife actually said, "I don't think you need to uninstall. You need to play sometimes." I explained that is not how it works out for me. This isn't something I'm doing for her, it's something I need to do for myself. I have lost way too much time to this and I want out of the loop.

I think she got so used to being without me that the idea of being with me again makes her uncomfortable.

Texan, I'm a gaming widow.

Get rid of the software, unsubscribe from the marketing emails.

And you're probably right, she's not used to you being engaged.

When my H left gaming, he was grouchy and bossy. He started to see all the things the kids and I were doing "wrong". He got bored. This is were you need to be proactive and not lovebust your family. Schedule fun UA. Ask your wife about things you've put off around the house because of the gaming.

Clean up your side of the street. Show your wife, by your actions that you are serious about the marriage.

She probably developed her own independent behaviors. Gently start to incorporate yourself back into your families lives. It took our kids some time to get used to dad being around and available. They resented his authority for awhile. They were mad at him because he hadn't been around and attentive and didn't appreciate him jumping back in. It's a reality of neglecting people.

Thanks so much for your post. I am sorry for what you went through. I have actually started taking care of things at the house. Her immediate comment was "You let it sit that way for months, why are you messing with it now?" I can only push forward and try to stay positive.

She has expressed that she doesn't like being "pushed" by me. I get it, but it still hurts. I cannot blame her for her feelings, even if they hurt incredibly. I want to encourage and rebuild trust, I don't want her to think I'm trying to steamroll her into something she isn't ready for. This is just all so complicated right now.

I'm trying to make a conscious effort not to let my ego do any talking. I know addictions foster selfish behavior and self-centeredness. I am trying to be aware of that before I do or say anything to her at this point.