Yes, he reached out to me today. I used the radio email link accidentally. Thank you for following up.

i WILL call that lawyer, see a therapist...

Which mommy forum do you recommend?

I finally found the email you sent. Sorry for the delay.

The impression I get reading your post is that you fell in love with a man who had great needs that you have been trying to meet for him. You may have a natural attraction to men who need you and appreciate what you do for them. But this man seems to have such serious problems that you may not be in a position to help him. In fact, his problems may be so great that they put you and your son in great danger. Ask your counselor if he or she feels that you should stay separated until your husband has gained control over his anger and would be safe for both of you. I would certainly advise you to stay put until you and your son can be guaranteed safety. I know that separation may put a financial strain on you, but that would be better than for you or your son to be permanently injured or killed.

You are getting quite a bit of support from those on the forum, so continue to post to them. They care about you very much. Write me back if you have any questions about what I have written to you.

Best wishes,
Dr. Harley

JFIO

Your story really moved me.
You chose the words to describe exactly what I have lived.

If I only love enough, eventually some of the love must come back to me.
If I could only be helpful and kind enough, the other person will eventually trust me.
If the other person would only understand how it hurts he/she will stop doing that.
If...

Talk and self-help books only work for spouses which are fairly normal. The gaslighting, the entitlement, the lack of love, the lies, the fact that you start doubting yourself, if it is really your fault... After having spent way too many years trying to love a narcissist into a warm-hearted person, I could write a book (or two). (By the way NPD and BPD have overlapping characteristics, you might want to have another look at the DSM IV concerning your ex.)
You probably know the famous experiment of the little monkeys which grew up without their real mother, and who clutched unto the fur or unto the iron mother. In hindsight I was hanging unto the iron-wired mother, trying to melt a lifeless rock into a real person. You cannot love somebody like that back to health. It is a bottemless pit. Sad for you, but even sadder for them. They will never know the reason for their unhappiness.

I am an M.D. too. I was amazed how easy a relationship could be once I found my true love. How easy it is too be with a normal person. You can't imagine. After years having done everything in every book and having sore knees from praying. It was like having struggled though thick mud and suddenly discovering you can fly!
You might want to read up about love and the Stockholm syndrome.



Some quotes which I found applicable:

There are no victims, only volunteers � Dr Phil

if i could only make him/her understand what he/she is putting me through... They do understand and are making it perfectly clear to you that your needs do not matter to them. - Wayne and Tamara Mitchel

forgiveness does not mean that you put someone in the position to let them coninue to hurt you. - Wayne and Tamara

If a person is nice at first and then turns nasty, the easiest explanation is that they weren't nice to begin with and succeeded to hide that for some time. (Instead of the other way around.)
Sometimes the first impression you had from a person is not the real them. They were just pretending and manipulating long enough so that you would be captured. - me

If you go into a relationship with a loving heart and honesty and the other person sets out to deceive and manipulate and lie to you, you will in all probability not see through it as an honest person. It is not your fault. - Oprah (to the woman who had a relationship with a nice man... who murdered his pregnant wife while dating this woman)

People will always give themselves away with the stories they tell about themselves and by what they brag about. - Dr Joe Carver

So when you vote for a politician, or hire an employee, or choose a neighbor or a date: don�t ask yourself if they are charming or make you feel good. Ask yourself if they listened and thought about what you said. (Note from me: in the beginning they can listen to you, until they know what makes you tick, so they can manipulate you. Listen to the stories from how other people treated them (badly of course, they were the innocent victims of their environment) Look for examples of when they learned from making a mistake (you can even ask them that question). Ask what their self-doubts are. Charm can interfere with your objective observations and even your negative gut feelings.
Beware! Never stop paying attention and thinking. That�s what pathological narcissists do. It�s not surprising that what offends us most about them is that they are rude, uncaring, and �thoughtless people.� I think that�s the key difference between healthy narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder: thoughtfulness. - Bill Eddy


In general: beware of people who have a history of being mistreated and are pityfull beings, or who tell you over and over about their problems. Run, you are not their therapist. Let them find someone else to deal with their whining. You had better choose someone who is cheerful and has a realisticly positive outlook for the future. Someone resilient and dependable who can pick herself up after falling.
I also made the mistake of wanting to rescue people. You can't rescue them, they will only drag you down with them. Let them join a self-help-group. Nowadays I run from disfunctional people, because it does not work that way and you know as a licensed psychologist, that you cannot treat someone to which you have too close a connection.

I wish you all the happiness in the world. In 2 years from now you will be more of your true self than you have been in the last years. I am certain, that you will not make the same mistake. You will have learned and naturally be more cautious.
I wish you God's blessing.

And my brother nor parents are the PARENT. I talked to a lawyer and my options are super limited as far as not having to return home if this goes to court. Can I, should I file a PFA? Is it even possible without any documented evidence?? I really don't want to go back frown:(

Thank you. I am STILL struggling to believe that he is a threat to my child. I think I do need to follow up with a woman's shelter. I did cancel my flight again, and he has been using that against me. My biggest concern is that the judge will order me to return my son to the state.

[quote=pleasewearmyshoe] If your husband wants to see your son, he can come there and visit. You need to stay put and stop wavering.

Thank you. I am STILL struggling to believe that he is a threat to my child.

Thank you. I am STILL struggling to believe that he is a threat to my child. I think I do need to follow up with a woman's shelter. I did cancel my flight again, and he has been using that against me. My biggest concern is that the judge will order me to return my son to the state.

Did you make sure to tell the lawyer that you are not married to this man? Effectively, this man will have to take you to court to have any rights to your son. No courts are going to make you move back. A man who will wrestle with you over a gun is not a safe man. You know that.