You can see them on messenger, but you aren't FB friends, correct?

I've just done exposure- went to her families house aswell
He is pissed I went to their house- so is she
Saying he's coming home to pack his stuff and get out
I don't know what's going to happen

You did good. It's going to speed things up and keep you from being in limbo. He's either going to come to his senses or file for divorce.

He's come in, packed his stuff said he wants a divorce and gone to his parents. Still denying he's seeing her.
He couldn't even look me in the face.
He asked why I did it- I said to try and save us and we can't do that if your still seeing her.
He said he's not and walked out
I really don't think he will be back

What do I do now?

Did you speak with his parents to expose what was going on and ask for their support?

LTL

Mary, I haven't been here in awhile but was checking in and saw your thread. The best thing you can do right now is go into Plan B. Please read this thread How to plan B

You need to avoid any contact with your WH. Any contact from him will be abusive and he will continue to gaslight you and make you doubt yourself and everything you have heard, seen and done.

You have been very strong so far. Continue to be strong and get yourself into plan B ASAP. You need to stay dark from your WH in order to see clearly and heal.

In the link I gave you is a sample plan B letter to send to your WH, as well as other directions. Concentrate on writing the letter and posting it here first for feedback,and finding someone who can act as an intermediary (IM).

Most importantly, however things end up, remember that you will be ok. Hang in there, sister.

By the way, I know the thread says not to go into plan B quickly. However, he did you a favor by leaving as many refuse to leave and continue their affair in their spouse's face. Take advantage of it! Change the locks as soon as you are able.

Thank you guys I have told his family and I know I will have their support- they are very traditional and avid supporters of marriage so I know they will support and be very disappointed in him

I will post my plan b letter.......

Mary,

You wrote, what do I do now.

Thank your luck stars you didn't catch an STD from his GF.

Be thankful this did not go on for years and years more.

Be glad he left which allows you to change the locks.

Wait for their affair to self-destruct, and it will very quickly since they are both now painted scarlet.

God Bless
Gamma

Dear xxxx

I truly love you but I feel living in this situation will aggravate things more and I don't want that to affect my love for you. That's why it's best we do seperate and have no contact, while we both take the time we need to work out how we want to move things forward.

I thought we were happy in our marriage, but it seems that something is missing that led you to feel the need to have such an intense emotional affair, I will acknowledge that there is something I haven't given you that could have led you to this.

I am willing to work on our marriage and I do believe there is hope, we have great memories together, I love being with you and have always been proud to have you as my husband, and we have worked hard to get where we are, I don't want that all to be in vain.

I am open to working things out if it's what you truly want, however that can only happen once she is out of your life and out of your head. I think you also need the time out to work out what it is you want, and what led you to feel it was ok to have the affair.

I can't help what I have found out, I know what I know, but in order to move on you need to be 100% truthful with me about what's happened, what you want to happen with us and have zero contact with her. If you can do this and show that you are fully committed I believe we have a strong chance, and then I will be willing to talk.

Please respect my decision for no contact until you can show the above can happen. It's not healthy for us to keep arguing, and I need the time out for myself so I can heal from what has been the most emotionally traumatic time in my life.

I want you to know that I am open to reconciliation so long as you can give full disclosure, honesty and be willing for us to seek counselling.

Love you always

The letter looks good to me but wait for a little more feedback from others as I am not as experienced as they are. You don't have to give him this right now and its best that you have an intermediary first.

Is there a friend that can be one for you?

Oh god he's just come back! It's 1.30am here so no chance to change the locks.....I am in bed and am not going to say anything to him now.... I don't know how I will get him out now

I think I will use his sister as an IM

The letter looks good to me but wait for a little more feedback from others as I am not as experienced as they are. You don't have to give him this right now and its best that you have an intermediary first.

Is there a friend that can be one for you?

Just be calm and avoid him. If you feel threatened, call the police. Take time to think what you need to do to get into plan b

Can you find someone more neutral or a friend? Relatives from his side aren't always a good idea.

Has anyone from his side told him to end his affair? His parents?

Oh yeah- his dad has gone mental- told him if he continues he will disown him and wants nothing to do with him

His sister also - who is much better at communicating calmly - she has spoken to him, told him it's wrong, the affair must end its not right or fair on me and she just can't understand why he's done it. She's told him that marriages take work etc etc ( she has been married for 27 years)

That's fantastic that they are putting pressure on him and now get into the protection of Plan B.

What about her family? Are they putting any pressure on the affair?