No

Honey, what you're looking for is a man who understands gun safety in the family home and who isn't putting his crazy death wishes above the need to protect them at ALL costs.

Ok. Your right. Thank you. I have so much guilt and doubt to recover from 😔 . I am still struggling with my self worth. I feel like such a monster for isolating this man from his son. 😞 . Even though, deep down, I know it's what is right for my son and I . This man keeps throwing bible verses at me about working it out and becoming a better man. He acts as if I owe him our child at least, since he has changed... (For the time being...)

Its going to take a while for you to get over this.. but you need to change your number and do all communication through an intermediary for a while. He hasn't changed, he's manipulating you with religion. Again, thats emotional abuse. He's never changed and probably won't.

Are you following this up with Dr H? He encourages people to keep in touch with him.

Yes, he has continued to reach out to me! Which I find unbelievably considerate! He advises me to stay put. So I will. And to use an intermediate in communicating for our son. He also advices me to reach out to single mother programs and go back to school. Which I will do also. I reminded the ex last night that it was over and that I hadn't loved him for a long time and that I wouldnt have him. It hurt me to admit this to him but it's the truth. I asked him to stop making it more difficult. (He had been attempting to win me back with more religious quotes in how he was becoming a changed man and how love endures all for each other, overcomes adultery etc..) He did not respond until the next day (this morning); in Which he texted If the baby was awake. And it looks like he had tried to call a couple times.. But I was napping and forgot and didn't bother to call him back. I did text him later, to see if be wanted to Skype with his son on his dinner break, and then I tried to skype him around his dinner break time and I have recieved no response. Which I find odd, but I suppose it's a good thing.

Grrrr. I have such a hard time not talking to my ex. Somehow I still feel bad for him and still feel guilt in taking his son from him , it will be easier to use my dad as the intermediate once he returns from his business trip.

The sooner you can get an intermediary the better! The more you talk to him or text with him, the harder it will be for you to break away.

If you can, try to find an intermediate who is not as intimately involved as your father. It does not have to be someone who lives near you. The IM can work via e-mail. Your father is of course better then doing it yourself, but because he is invested, he can have more trouble being neutral.

What change is that then beside a load of yip yap?

Has he shown gratitude to you for getting his child to safety? Is he willing to be separated for a long period so he can show progress and prove his safety - to himself if no one else?

What help is he getting and how effective is the program?

Because even if you were married that would be a bare minimum. As it is you owe him Nada. He's had a very long interview for marriage and he blew it at every turn.

In fact all this gaslighting is proof of NO change at all.



You're kidding.

Not even betrayed husbands with cheating wives use religious quotes to preach at their wives - it would be profoundly disrespectful.

Everything you've are saying - especially his emphasis on the uncaring and lazy variety of unconditional love - makes me feel he is horribly controlling and manipulative.

He isn't making you feel in love - he's making you feel in guilt.

Which quotes? We have some pretty smart Christians around here who can debunk that for you.

People who have a beautiful faith which they use to make their families happy - not miserably obligated.

I'm no bible scholar but I'm sure there's not much in the vein of 'go back to your abusive boyfriend'.

Family members always a terrible idea. Do you have a good, level headed friend who will be very neutral and civil when she speaks with him?

God is against premarital sex and does not bless it.
so I assure you that nothing from the Bible will justify fornication

PWMS,

how are you holding up?
Have you tried working with an intermediary yet?
Are you and your baby doing well?

Maybe someone can post the link to IM school.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...amp;Number=2264548#Post2264548]IM School

I'm also wondering how you are doing.
Do you have any ideas what you'd go to school to study?

I messed up. Bad.


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Re: Urgent advice

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bharley@marriagebuilders.com

Hi********, I finally found the email you sent. Sorry for the delay. The impression I get reading your post is that you fell in love with a man who...

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to�bharley@marriagebuilders.com
6 minutes ago

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Dr. Harley,


He showed up unannounced yesterday with his mother and a brand new loaded diaper bag and car seat. We sat down alone and talked. He asked me to cooperate with him and come back to KS with his son. I refused. He proceeded to tell me that he paid a lawyer tons of money (I have no idea where he would have got this accept maybe from his mother's widowed life insurance) and that if I refused to bring our son back that i would be "common law divorce" served papers that would order me to return to the state with my son in 24 hours, that a schedule was already laid out for 50:50 custody. I had never represented us as common law but he says that there was enough evidence to claim it. I was furious and irate!! After a while, I became numb of emotion and then fell for his compassion and sympathy for me. He really does seem changed. He used to react so hotly and now he is calm and composed. I still want a different life, but part of me still loves him and wanted him to hold me. And after all, what choice did I have now?? He was once again in control. We had sex. Now I am riding back to KS with them and my son. I am starting to feel like a have made a gigantic mistake. I have no idea what to do now.

He also had his nerd friend hack my Facebook so I'm pretty sure he probably has hacked everything.

You need to delete your name out of this post you have left it in.

I think you should be seeing your own lawyer.

I know you've caved in but it's not too late for you. He's manipulating you back and trying to scare you in saying he has a lawyer. I highly doubt this.

Please see a lawyer immediately and find a women's shelter. You are not safe with him now more so than ever. You have seen now that he will stop at nothing to try and own you and control you. He sounds like he may snap at any time to get what he wants.

I'm really worried for you and your boy. Can you get a restraining order? I'm very fearful he may try and kidnap your son or hurt you if you don't do what he wants.

Please stop this insanity and go to a woman's shelter.
Trust me. They won't tolerate his nonsense.