I believe that my wife has some degree of admiration for me, in varying amounts, at various times.

There are time when my wife is more involved with thinking about her challenges and concerns, so she does not think to mention the admiration that she may actually feel, towards me.

My wife has responded positively, most of the time, when I have asked for words of admiration. Yet, I feel I would like more words of Admiration, so I am looking for more ways to ask for words of admiration, more often.

This is a Link to the Marriage Builders description of the Need of Admiration.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_ad.html


"Could you tell me that you appreciate my contributions to the marriage and household?"

"Could you say some words to let me know that you think I am important to you?"




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How much UA time do you spend together each week? Would you say she is in love with you?

I see you've asked this question several times over several years. Have you implemented any suggestions? Has your marriage changed?

I recommend that you enrol in the online programme. With that, you are coached through the lessons. A coach will work with your wife to get this emotional need met effectively.

I make it a point to listen to my wife's ideas at least 15 Minutes per day.

For some reason, my wife seems committed to the marriage. I think she is a gift from God.

I have made changes, and things have improved, in that time. I re-read a different attitude in my 08 Posts.

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I will look into that. Thanks for the suggestion.

That is not enough to sustain a marriage. It takes 15 HOURS a week to sustain the love in a marriage. 20 hours to create, 15 hours to just maintain. Do you think you could maintain your job if you only spent 15 minutes a day on it?

I agree. Why not try Marriage Builders? If do-it-yourself has not worked after 10 years, it might be time to accept that you can't do it on your own.

My requests for admiration are intended to allow my wife to reject my request, gracefully, anytime she may ot be in the mood to give me admiration.

Two other request phrases might be:

�Could you think of a way to mention appreciation for the efforts I make for the family?�

�Could you think of a way to express appreciation for the gift of a necklace pendent I got you for your birthday?�

huh? How about creating a romantic marriage so she FEELS admiration and passion for you? This is not a program that is about word smithing. It is about creating a romantic, passionate marriage.

How is the romance in your marriage?

I try to be romantic about simple things. A quick caress, or loving look. Did you have references of suggestions for being more romantic?

How to make your wife Happy article by Dr. Harley:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8122_wife.html



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It doesn't sound like you and your wife are both romantically in love though. And if you aren't spending any UA time together, then you wouldn't be romantically in love.

Have you seen this?
The Critical Importance of Undivided Attention

Are you going to sign up for the online program?

Has this picture changed since 2008? I am wondering about this because you are back here asking exactly the same question you asked then:

In addition to the coaching help of the online program, I would take a good look at the admiration chapter in His Needs, Her Needs. There is a suggested arrangement in there where you and your wife can arrange for you to do things that will meet her emotional needs in exchange for her admiration. This is in the 2010 edition of His Needs, Her Needs; I don't know about earlier editions. I always suggest getting the latest editions of Dr. Harley's books because even he has learned much over the years about getting his points across and teaching his program.

Also, following the policy of undivided attention will go a long way to getting this need met for you. A spouse in love will frequently agree with this statement: "__ has many personal traits that I admire."

This is admiration on an emotional level. A person in love will feel a feeling of admiration - often for somebody who is not very admirable at all. Just look at a teenage girl in love with a grown man who is using her. Or a person in an affair.

I suspect your wife feels that on a logical level, you do many admirable things, so she says she admires you - but the feeling of admiration is not there because she is not in love with you. She couldn't be in love with you with the amount of time you described the two of you spending together when you were asked about UA time.

Get into the Marriage Builders online program so you can get a coach to help you guys do these things.

Start listening to the Marriage Builders Radio program every day so you can learn how to turn this ship around. (Install the app.)

If your wife won't do UA time with you, let me know, and I have some great suggestions. But if the problem is just that you didn't know you're supposed to spend fifteen hours a week with her if you want her to be in love with you, start doing it! And start listening to that radio program so that you won't miss important stuff like this any more.

By the way - this is so amazingly common here. The wife thinks she should be happy - her husband is a good provider, or spends time with the children, or whatever. But emotionally she doesn't feel she's getting what she really needs. She wonders what's wrong with her - she thinks anybody else would be happy to have a husband like she has.

Sometimes her husband even lectures her about it. He or she or both think that the basic problem is that she needs to learn to be more content and be more appreciative of what she has. But that doesn't solve her real problem: she isn't getting what she really needs. When her husband learns to solve that problem for her, I guarantee you she will feel appreciative!

Thank you everyone for the ideas of how to enlarge the love in my marriage. I have tried to spend more quality time with my wife, and seen some growth of Love.

Actually, I feel there is enough love in the marriage, but the Love from my wife sometimes gets overlooked, as daily concerns increase and flow.

So I am thinking of keys, in phrases, to open the door that displays the love in my marriage.

Sometimes genuine concerns are voiced in a manner that seems unkind, but I know there is love behind the words and attitude, so I would like to improve my skills in guiding emotions of concern, to reveal real feelings of admiration.


This is a link to an earlier MB thread I started on Coaching Admiration:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=153100&Number=2159235#Post2159235



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The key word here is 'quick' - its totally possible for quick gestures to have an effect on men's lovebanks. A quick word of appreciation, sex doesn't take hours to please him either and if its all done by an attractive lady, the needs are being met all around.

The needs typically expressed as most important most often by women; affection, conversation etc take HOURS to meet adequately.



You should be her escape from all that - on four x four hour dates a week OUT of the house in which you give your UA to her and her problems.

As for the necklace and maintainance of the family - those things are important but aren't really very good at creating a bond. FS and Fc are not intimate needs. You don't fall in love with your boss when he writes checks or was to give you a company car...the necklace is sort of affection, but gifts are a very quick method of affection.

Focus on the intimate needs of RC, SF, affection and IC.



She cares for you and remembers your romantic side but she isn't romantically in love with you. Not possible when there is simply no time to bond with her.