Also another thing-- I think WHs are more likely to try to keep contact than WWs. Mine feels very entitled to me, even though he is just doing whatever the heck he wants. But I don't know, maybe others can shed some light on that.

I think Dr. Harley has agreed with this thesis on his Radio Show. The men remember the women for years. Harley would follow up with the men he counseled because they kept the women at the back of their minds.

Funny thing about the car.
My wife's main concern was the car too. It was the only car I bought new, before I met her. She argued and argued about it. It was her main focus, her main desire.
My attorney and I didn't care. He told me that I was young enough to start over and he was willing to go to trial if necessary to protect my children. That was all he cared about.
In the end I got the kids and she got the car.
I prayed to God and called mt parents, thankful that the kids would be safe with me (ww boyfriend is a convicted child abuser).
I later found out that ww called her sister as she walked out of the courtroom and her words were: "I got the car!"

I wouldn't try to get in your wife's head.
Just get a clean break and be thankful that you don't have kids involved.

Oh there is a good divorce movie to watch too...
War of the Roses.

* "sexually" is a typo!!! Lol.

Is a restraining provision similar to a restraining order by itself? If you had kids, you could put an equally 'offensive' clause in that prohibits her from having men in the house after a certain time. I don't know how much that could even be considered since kids aren't involved, though.

Where are these states that you can restrict communications and boyfriends/girlfriends? You can't do either in CA. I've tried!

I think that without kids such a clause would be like asking the court to deliver ice to the Devil in hell.

Once the divorce goes through and they get their "freedom," I think the reality will hit them that we were not the cause of their unhappiness.

I can't really presume that to be honest. I don't think it's that simple. I think BSes are often responsible for the WS being unhappy (or at least their contribution to a poor M), it's just the solution for the WS's unhappiness that is the problem.

If I felt like I hadn't made mistakes in my marriage and given my wife less than my best, I wouldn't have fought nearly as hard as I've fought to save it. It would have made it easier for me to walk away from if there wasn't any regret and realization that I wasn't doing the best job I could have done meeting her ENs and providing her extraordinary care. When I look at the MB program, I see tools that I think could have radically improved our marriage, because I see answers to a lot of problems I didn't have an answer to before.

To be honest, from reading what former waywards have said on here and on blogs online, I don't think that realization of a mistake being made hits them until they come out of the fog, assuming they ever do. Many waywards have no remorse and forever look at the marriage as damaged goods or the BS as a bad partner if no recovery ever happens.

I don't estimate that my wife will end up happy with her AP because I can look at his legal track record with divorces, abandoned children and finances to see that he is not marriage material. Dr. Harley has said affair relationships are often less rational for the WS than the marriage because of how recklessly they begin, and I think that is definitely true in this case. I also think the things motivating her to make the choices she's making are very self destructive in their nature. This will be her first time in her life living on her own and she may find that grass to be less green than she thought.

But for all I know these two will get along famously and their little business will take off. I wouldn't bet any substantial amount of money on that happening, but I don't believe there are any absolute rules on their future.

I just can't worry about them, really. My focus is making sure I learn the most I can and improve the most I can about myself and my relationship skills as a husband. I'm much more concerned about not making the same mistakes than I am about what my wife decides to do with her life at this point.

I'm proud of having fought for my wife and having given her a strong Plan A with no LBs, but she deserved better from me in the years before our separation and I want to give my future partner my best whether it is WW coming out of the fog in the next few months, or another woman in the future. That's what really gives me hope about the situation. Since I've found MB I feel like I understand how to do that. I'm a guy who's big on processes and MB is process-oriented, very practical and step-by-step. I love that.

I understand what you're saying completely. I feel the same way myself. But we were ignorant. I didn't intentionally neglect my wife, and I don't think you did, either. I'm also sure you, like me, were not having all your needs met in the marriage, either. But you and I didn't have affairs. Affairs are not the solution to marriage problems. And our wives will not find happiness if they think that the solution to falling out of love is to find a new partner rather than working with your current one to fix the problems. I'd be willing to bet good money that if you and I both go our separate ways with our WWs that our next marriages will last, but theirs will not.

In Nebraska, if there are kids involved, you can prevent the wayward from having members of the opposite sex at the house after a certain time (9 pm we'll say).

A co-worker of mine got that put in because she wanted him to pay for her and their kid while she lived with OM (who'd recently been through a divorce where his wife slept with seemingly everyone but him). She also wanted part of his retirement account and literally stole tens of thousands from their bank account just prior to leaving. Similar to ax's story, there was also social media interest that seemed strange to my coworker by OM. He told me that she shrugged it off, they've known each other for 'a long time', but it was a sudden interest, as well.

Being your are married 6 years, both 29, I doubt she would get any of your retirement.

I would gladly give up a car if needed to keep her out of your retirement.

With this settlement she offered I get to keep both, so I don't have to make that choice at this point.

Sign it and get it recorded ASAP, ax. You are lucky you don't have to fight with a WS through a nasty divorce.

As for the contact, I think in general when women are done they are done and that's the end of it. That's why drawing a WW back into the marriage can be rough. You also don't have any children to deal with. That alone is a big reason NC is easier...no little people to consider.

Despite your divorce, you are another MB success story!!!

^^^^ yes.

You're a MB warrior!!

Thanks guys. I'd be a real mess these days without all of the help and experience that has been generously shared here.

Yes he is a success story

I want to say you are a very strong person and yes, a success story... You have learned so much here, so as many of us, that you'll do great when time comes to use the tools here.