He knows I don't love him. It is unfortunate but very apparent.

Are you going to separate and divorce?

Stlyn, it doesn't sound like you are reading my entire posts, and it doesn't sound like you've read the articles Prisca posted.

I have read all the posts. I will re-read the articles on Friday, when I have more time.

If I tell him I don't love him (which he knows) and I ask him if wants to do anything about it, his options are quite small. I don't want to talk so that takes talking off the table. I don't want to spend time with or go on a date with him. His only option to DO anything would have to exclude me. There's so many things wrong in our relationship but I can't discuss it with him or it'll be the same old broken record, my talking and nothing changing.

I am not sure what you are looking for.
There's a plan here to repair your marriage, if you want.
If you don't want, a divorce is easy to get.

If you are reading my posts, why aren't you answering my questions?

My thing is, I don't want to put myself over my children's security/happiness. Their ages are 13, 14, and 18. I just don't know whether to wait til they're grown or take steps now. Also, I feel a deep regret at the thought of not having a "marriage that lasts a lifetime" for the sake of being an example for them to follow. I got married with the idea tha marriage is forever; and it has taken many years for me to even come to accept the thought that divorce might be a good thing.

Dr Harley has methods to persuade reluctant spouses to jump on board but YOU need to stop blogging and start responding to the posters that are explaining Harleys methods to you.
Steve Harley can give you guidance with a step by step plan to get your husband on board but you need to be on board too, or It won't work.

Dr. Harley's research reveals that about 40% of all marriages end in divorce, 20% of married spouses are permanently separated, another 20% are in unhappy marriages and only about 20% of marriages are actually fulfilling and happy.

To have a happy and fulfilling marriage requires both spouses to build and maintain good marital habits. If one spouse is reluctant to participate in creating and sustaining a fulfilling marriage, then the other is bound to be very unhappy.

You don't really want your children to follow your example in putting up with a neglectful and abusive husband, do you? If your daughter was married to such a man, would you advise her to stay simply because "marriage is supposed to be forever?"

I totally understand your disillusionment and sadness over the lack of love in your marriage. I have been there, even before my H's infidelities. Thankfully, my H was fully onboard with MB and has joined me in creating a great marriage. If he had not, I would have been better off divorced, because the unhappiness would have affected my health. And you are in the same boat. Your deep unhappiness is affecting your health.

A really great plan would be for you to make sure you can support yourself financially, see a lawyer and find out what your H's financial obligations would be to you and your children, and get out of there as soon as possible. Make sure you eliminate your love busters.

Do you truly believe a divorce is worse than staying in an unhappy marriage and teaching your children it's better to be treated poorly than to set the bar a bit higher?

You sound severely depressed. Too tired to read simple articles. In your shoes Id be very worried about teaching your children that this is what marriage looks like. It's got to look 'quiet' at best - my parents were visibly besotted.

It's normal for a poor marriage to cause depression. There's very little a depressed person can do about anything.

A separation while you regain your breath and make it clear you need more might be the best thing for everyone.

When you feel better you can consider spending small amounts of time with your husband and building up.

What makes his company so unpleasant?

Well, my depression lasted for years, but I overcame it. Now I am withdrawn from him & his "junk" doesn't "stab me like a knife." As for his company, it's boring at best and annoying at worst. He only talks about running, bicycling, and random facts. All the while my insides were screaming for a man I could connect to emotionally, he stuck with being disengaged and speaking only of things he enjoyed or the weather or washing the car, etc. I never remember once having a true meaningful conversation with him. He will rattle on about some historical, non-fiction book he read, and if I try to speak of things that matter, he's silent, disengaged, ignores, and walks out of the room.

Also, everything about spending time with him is connected with a painful memory because of his neglect/abuse of me financially. Going places with him just brings back the painful 18 years of how he'd take us places, but wouldn't give me any money to buy things for the kids. How we'd be out for hours on a hot summer day, but I had no money to buy them something to drink when they said they were thirsty; and he wouldn't buy it.

It's not about feeling better. I just don't like him or love him. I can barely tolerate him; and am happier when he isn't around.

I read the When to Call it Quits articles

In this marriage all I gain is a disengaged, neglectful husband who can't even connect to the kids.

So are you going to file?

Stlyn this is not rational. Nobody 'needs to buy a drink'. Water is free. I never bought a drink for my children and neither did anyone ever buy a drink for me. You are depressed. Please let us help.

huh? Bottled water is 30% of non alcoholic drink sales in most convenience stores. Where does one get free water when out and about?

So what is your plan? Are you going to separate?