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Thank you! THis is extremely helpful. There are still some though that have threads/stories that are too old for this method, but I will check it out. I don't think that can be true. I've used that method for really ancient posters and their threads. I've successfully looked at threads from 2000, and I've never been denied access because of age. If there are many threads, then at the bottom of the page there are page numbers. Go backwards through the pages to find older threads. I have to say I really struggle to do this - tried many times. I can find old threads but not really 'their' thread. A lot of times the first 'help me' post gets abandoned and its not clear where it picks up. After hours spent looking at their fledgling advice to other people - You give up! I think some people are great at finding this and others like me are a bit rubbish. I was really grateful to posters who used to pull out threads for me that they thought applicable. Neak was also awesomely helpful by putting her story in her sig.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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need to define the "success" that they are looking for.
For example, divorce is sometimes the best outcome, but would you really be creating a thread looking for divorce stories? My suspicion is that you are defining "success" as the recovery of the marriage. People divorce all the time, and they don't need MB to do it, but only the successful use of MB can lead to an "MB" recovered marriage. When I first came here, I wanted success stories, I.e. recovery. But it was only a matter of weeks before I understood that Plan B had a one of two-possibilities successful result, success no matter what the WS's decision. Posters dug up and linked a lot of Plan B threads to me of various results and they really helped a lot. In all cases, people were happy. I would not have done Plan B well if I'd thought it was about marriage recovery. Those posters are not all here these days and they knew the archives from memory - making it much easier for them to search for things. I dont have a solution to that but I have noticed the problem too!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I have to say I really struggle to do this - tried many times. I can find old threads but not really 'their' thread. A lot of times the first 'help me' post gets abandoned and its not clear where it picks up. "Their" thread is almost always findable using the Topics Created link. It's almost always obvious when the topic is about their story, and when it is about something else. Even when they abandon an old thread and start a new one, the thread title tells you whether it could be an update. And if in doubt, it only takes a second to click on a topic, read the first post and realise that it is only a discussion thread or a joke thread, and click the back button to the Topics Created page, and work systematically through each topic from where you left off. I've spent many hours doing this, for many people. It is time consuming because it is absorbing, but it is not frustrating or unproductive.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Much appreciated, Piglet. 
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Vets would have to correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure there are some solid success stories with a long Plan B. I think sexymamabear was one but her story predates me. Funny you mention SMB's thread - I was going to recommend it as a good overall thread to read for any newbie. I learned much about MB reading it and was just inspired by SMB. Anyway...to answer your question, no, she did not go into Plan B. She has posted some great stuff (that I have quoted to others) about the importance of Plan B and how she feels staying in Plan A too long harmed her.
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"Their" thread is almost always findable using the Topics Created link. . AHHHHHHHHH! Igedditnow. Seriously never saw that before - makes a difference! I've spent many hours doing this, for many people. It is time consuming because it is absorbing, but it is not frustrating or unproductive. That is most certainly true. Before your very helpful tip I would get sidetracked for ages by a funny or dramatic thread and then it would get dark outside and I would be none the wiser re the original thing/poster I'd gone looking for. Vets would have to correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure there are some solid success stories with a long Plan B. I think sexymamabear was one but her story predates me. Funny you mention SMB's thread - I was going to recommend it as a good overall thread to read for any newbie. I learned much about MB reading it and was just inspired by SMB. Anyway...to answer your question, no, she did not go into Plan B. She has posted some great stuff (that I have quoted to others) about the importance of Plan B and how she feels staying in Plan A too long harmed her. That must be it. I think there were some Plan Bs posted onto my thread, but that means sifting through it...
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Yes, Sugarcane's suggestion is most helpful. I just read Indiegirl's thread! =)
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I have a hunch that most plan Bs eventually work when the plan B is done by a woman. Men stay in love far longer than women and do not seem to lose love over time.
What often happens is that there comes a point when the woman no longer wants him back. More naturally monagomous than men, once we move onto a new relationship, that is the end of that.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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Yes, Sugarcane's suggestion is most helpful. I just read Indiegirl's thread! =) 
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I have a hunch that most plan Bs eventually work when the plan B is done by a woman. Men stay in love far longer than women and do not seem to lose love over time.
What often happens is that there comes a point when the woman no longer wants him back. More naturally monagomous than men, once we move onto a new relationship, that is the end of that. I think about half of the long term plan b women end up starting affairs of their own.
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I have a hunch that most plan Bs eventually work when the plan B is done by a woman. Men stay in love far longer than women and do not seem to lose love over time.
What often happens is that there comes a point when the woman no longer wants him back. More naturally monagomous than men, once we move onto a new relationship, that is the end of that. I think about half of the long term plan b women end up starting affairs of their own. I was thinking more long term. I know my XH decided he preferred marriage after 7 years of plan B. Then again, he may have temporarily had enough cake, (who knows or cares).
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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What the? Now I MUST read your story living well!
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I have a hunch that most plan Bs eventually work when the plan B is done by a woman. Men stay in love far longer than women and do not seem to lose love over time.
What often happens is that there comes a point when the woman no longer wants him back. More naturally monagomous than men, once we move onto a new relationship, that is the end of that. I think about half of the long term plan b women end up starting affairs of their own. Wait what? From this board? Or just in general during long separations? I can't imagine that happening. Honestly, it would be very easy for me to do it if I wanted to, but I would never add cruelty and wrecklessness to the list of things I need work on. Also, I would feel icky. Heck, I have mixed feelings of even dating after a divorce because of my daughter. But I might be the exception.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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What the? Now I MUST read your story living well! I found MB very late in the day so there was no exposure which I still regret to this day. End for me was when I caught him sneaking back for 'lunch'. Very different story from yours because it was a 25 year marriage that ended with discovery of serial adultery over a 16 year period more or less continuously. What MB did for me was to show me what a good marriage looked like. The plan is awesome. I am so happy now.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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I just read your thread, LW. I am so glad your found happiness in a new marriage.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I have a hunch that most plan Bs eventually work when the plan B is done by a woman. Men stay in love far longer than women and do not seem to lose love over time.
What often happens is that there comes a point when the woman no longer wants him back. More naturally monagomous than men, once we move onto a new relationship, that is the end of that. I think about half of the long term plan b women end up starting affairs of their own. Wait what? From this board? Or just in general during long separations? I can't imagine that happening. Honestly, it would be very easy for me to do it if I wanted to, but I would never add cruelty and wrecklessness to the list of things I need work on. Also, I would feel icky. Heck, I have mixed feelings of even dating after a divorce because of my daughter. But I might be the exception. I can understand the reality of that occurring, but I agree with you PW that at this time I have no interest in pursuing anyone right now or when the D is final. I'm going to invest in "Me" & My career first then down the road if someone is dropped from the heavens and they fit within "My" life I might consider it, but I don't see my self falling apart or going out to look for someone. So we might be the exception, but I think it is all relative and dependent on how comfortable the individual is with functioning independently. Some people just need to be in a relationship in order to function. I also agree it is icky and hypocritical to be in an affair while separated even if the D is in process but not final yet.
FS of 27yrs
BW
DDay 11/2013
Began MB Seminar 7/2014
H quit MB Seminar 10/2014
Filed for D 11/17/2014
PB 12/18/2014
D 07/29/2015
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) What MB did for me was to show me what a good marriage looked like. The plan is awesome. I am so happy now. That is awesome, glad you found happiness.
FS of 27yrs
BW
DDay 11/2013
Began MB Seminar 7/2014
H quit MB Seminar 10/2014
Filed for D 11/17/2014
PB 12/18/2014
D 07/29/2015
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I really hate it when you ask a Plan Ber how she will have high boundaries with men and you just get a 'Mmmm. Dunno.' Then she just disappears.
It's such a huge part of the plan that anyone doing it would be talking about how to keep that boundary high. It's quite difficult.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Jun 2011
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I have a hunch that most plan Bs eventually work when the plan B is done by a woman. Men stay in love far longer than women and do not seem to lose love over time.
What often happens is that there comes a point when the woman no longer wants him back. More naturally monagomous than men, once we move onto a new relationship, that is the end of that. I think about half of the long term plan b women end up starting affairs of their own. Wait what? From this board? Or just in general during long separations? I can't imagine that happening. Honestly, it would be very easy for me to do it if I wanted to, but I would never add cruelty and wrecklessness to the list of things I need work on. Also, I would feel icky. Heck, I have mixed feelings of even dating after a divorce because of my daughter. But I might be the exception. I think children make it so much harder to heal and to imagine being with someone. However pretty much every Plan Ber Ive suspect of having abandoned the plans had kids. They didn't divorce like the childless ones but stayed in limbo without those boundaries. Pretty scary when you consider how some men purposely look for vulnerable mothers and how high stepdad abuse is. Like you, a child would make me more careful, I'd hope.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I just read your thread, LW. I am so glad your found happiness in a new marriage. yes :-)))))
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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