Wow wow wow. Well said. Powerful words. Thank you, Indie!

So VERY Inspiring and Validating.

Truly, such a wise way to understand that a poor marital status does NOT cause one to cheat.

LTL

Sorry those words stung but the reality is your WH had waaayyy more than three months to file...he could have filed three months ago, six months ago, a year ago or before he choose to cheat or before your marriage was so horrible (in his head) but he didn't. WHs are particularly lazy and like to talk big about all the stuff they are/were going to do...but never seem to do anything so it falls on the BW. Usually if a WH files, it's because an OW is in his ear. Your WH is the typical lazy WH. Expect more laziness during the D process and having to do more to get things done. My exWH did nothing during our divorce other than complain.

Exactly, BR.

I'm not sure it's do much laziness as keeping the wife in reserve.

Not exactly sure what you mean by that but he can't keep you in reserve unless you let him. No WS can keep a BS in reserve. You moved, ceased contact and filed. If he is delusional to still think that is keeping you in reserve that is even more confirmation at how hopeless he is. He is lazy.

You mean not filing for divorce because he feels like he still has you as long as you're still married to you? I can see that. Like he's not ready to give you up as a backup.

Yeah. Why would he want to do the post-nup? It makes him feel officially "separated" so he can do whatever he wants while not getting divorced.

He was really pushing the post- nup thing. I think he thought that there was a chance for us to get back together even though I was in Plan B as long as we were not officially divorcing. It was a reserve strategy.

That's how I interpreted the post-nup. What's the point of doing that unless you intend to stay married (at least for the time being)?

I guess I don't see it that way. The post nup was a distraction so that nothing happened. He knew you wanted to move and used the post nup to talk in circles. If anything by no one filing he was able to hold off paying child support since there was no legal order requiring him to pay. I think that was his main motive for not filing...he doesn't want to pay and milked it.

What is going on inside his delusional brain is irrelevant at the end of the day. The posturing will continue...Oh I was going to do x, y, z too but I had a hang nail so you were able to before I could. Whatever he has to tell himself at night so he can sleep...good luck with that.

Yes, that's a possibility. Although I am not sure he knows he has to pay. When I was still in contact with him he said, "a judge won't make me pay child support because I live so far away and need to use the money to see DD." I am not sure. But ultimately, it doesn't matter. He doesn't want to do anything to save his marriage either way.

Wow. Very delusional. It's so hard to see our formerly sensible spouses acting so crazy. I agree with raven though, at the end of the day what's in his head and even what he says doesn't matter. Only what he does. And he will definitely be paying, regardless of what he thinks.

Sure. The judge's main concern will be making sure the cheating dad isn't inconvenienced over questions like supporting the child.

That sounds likely.

His lawyer is obviously a genius too!!!

That made me snort. Thanks for the giggle.

Just blogging here--

I've had high anxiety over the past few days since filing. My IM forwarded a benign email from my WH about a child visit, but at the end it said: "PS, thanks for not serving me until the end of my trip", referring to the fact that I had him served right after he dropped off my DD. My IM should have deleted that. It was just a weird thing to say.

I just keep telling myself that this is the best thing to do at this point. There is been no change in anything for seven months and we are going on a year since the affair started...so not really anything to save.

Wow, that is truly delusional.

You know I would be interested in Dr Hs take on whether you should stick this out for the full two years or call time. I knew, because I'd heard him tell others in my situation, to just move on. It's quicker and easier for a young childless woman to find someone else rather than two years Plan B and five years recovery.

In your situation your child is young enough to bond with someone else and I think Dr H has said he's not a great choice of husband for you? I'd be interested on his thoughts relating to you calling time on this and remarrying.

I honestly can't think of any reason why you should be waiting for him.

Stuff like that really rankles. As an IM for a lot of Plan Bers I see it even after months of no contact. The WS expects to be thought of and considered by the BS who is usually by this point happily oblivious to their nonsense.

For two years after the D my ex refused to sign a financial settlement. I was in work and could have done so easily with any bank.

Now, he wants to do it. Probably needs the cash/needs to remarry/has given up on me after three years NC (My IM will not even pass on a reconciliation message now because I'm done). However, I'm studying now and it's his turn to wait until I have a job offer. It's not my fault his timing is dreadful.

My lawyer said she was explicitly asked to tell me 'Mr X wants you to know he had no idea you had given up your job without other employment lined up'

Of course he didn't. He is legally a nobody to me and he wasn't even thought of when I made the decision. He never is. He has nothing to do with my decisions and it's none of his concern what I choose to do. However he still expects to be considered as though we have some kind of relationship.

Too bad.