Yep. The proof of service has not been submitted yet, but that doesn't mean he hasn't been served.

Ugh.. I love my IM, but she misses the mark sometimes.

He sent over a message that said that he will open an IRA to reduce the tax liability and that he "expects me to pay the rest if the liability falls under 50% of what it was before the IRA.

She really should not have sent that over. I truly, truly hate this man. It's not even about the money, but what's the point in being a jerk about EVERYTHING. I don't respond to threats and will not be dignifying anything he says with a response at all.

He was just served outside my house after he dropped off my daughter.

The process server called and said that he had done it and he didn't resist or anything. He said WH said that "he was definitely going to do it anyway." Really? He has had the last three months and he hasn't. I am pretty sure that it was an empty threat, but it still stung to hear that.

No, he wasn't. He was still trying to get you to do the post nup.

Well, he was threatening to file if I didn't capitulate to his demand to remove posts of OW.

But yeah, the threats were from a place of weakness. He could have filed when he first saw the posts in January.

I'm still super sad all of a sudden.

Oh honey. I struggle with this feeling every day. I think it's part of how they act being wayward and the reason a dark plan b is so important. Any contact during this time just eats away at the BS until there's nothing left.

Yeah. He actually backed off this, which is good. I'm sad and tired. Going to a friend's house. It's hard to want someone to fight for you who just won't.

Im sorry honey. *hugs*

Going to a friend's house is a really good idea.

Don't be sad. You're an inspiration. I'm very impressed with how you've handled all this.

Thanks. I don't feel very inspirational. Whenever there is a big milestone of separation, I tend to feel like I did something to deserve this and "if I had just done xyz differently..."

Oh boy do I ever get this. I have to keep telling myself that even if I did something wrong, that one thing was not the cause of all this mess.

x100

I was having a rough night with things on Sunday after our evening service and called up a friend from church to hang out and vent a bit. Made all the difference in the world.

It's easy to feel like you're imposing on someone to ask to drop by (I did) but people around you know this is a terrible thing to go through, they will understand.

I never really struggle with feeling like I deserve it so much as thinking about things I could have done to prevent it from happening.

You don't deserve this, PW. Nobody does. There is no justification for it.

I think about prevention a lot too and how we had had a rough few months prior to the affair with his dad dying, a move and job changes. It was a lot and it was stressful, but I was actually making a concerted effort to connect more with him and he just wasn't having it (because he was trying to connect with someone else, of course).

Before our daughter was born, I traveled a lot for work. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. I was gone for like 4 weeks at a time internationally and he never did anything remotely like this (and I know for sure just by the way he treated me). I guess, I'll just never understand it. After I made an active decision to leave my super cool international job for us and have a kid and be more invested in everything, he bailed.

Anyway, I know a lot better now about everything and I can't change the past, I can only move ahead with what's best for the future.

And I have found that the people who care about you really want to DO something to help you. I think some people are relieved when you call on them for support because otherwise they just worry about you.

This. So hard to internalize it, but I know it's true.

People who have been betrayed and are now not having any needs met know exactly how easy it is to avoid adultery because if THEY aren't doing it, anybody can avoid it.

If poor marriages caused affairs, no betrayed spouse would escape one.

It is NOT your fault - you are LIVING proof.

Wow. I've never heard it put that way before. Thank you, indiegirl. I've had it way worse in these past 11 months than my WW ever had it, and I haven't so much as looked at another woman.

Yes! And I have been approached several times since I don't wear a wedding ring anymore. I have even been approached when I was with my kid. When I was still in Oakland, a neighbor of mine was super interested even though I was a mess (perhaps because if it. Glad I stayed away from him).

Well put Indie.