I think part of why it stopped was out of fear. I have true evidence, including photos that could be shared with her husband at any time. Plus for my husband, I am the primary wage earner by far. He had a great deal to lose. So there is a part of me because he never really chose me and it was more than sex between the two of them. It was emotional...they routinely told/text each other how much they loved each other and how important they were to each other. How they longed to be together.
atgreen, not telling her husband was cruel, destructive and harmful to you all because it means they are free to pick up at any time. As long as you keep their secret the affair can start right back up. [if it ever ended] Do you understand that cannot stand? As long as you keep the OW's secrets for her, she is free to pursue your husband again, and vice versa. This man has been horribly harmed behind his back and needs to know the full truth.
That has to be the first step towards recovery. You can't imagine for a minute that hiding this affair from the other victim was a good thing to do? It helps no one and just makes it harder to save your marriage.
Until three months ago, they still worked at the same place. Parked less than 100 feet apart. She has since been transferred to another facility...again not at his doing.
Another problem. This means the affair did not end until 3 months ago, if even that. i wouldn't be surprised if you end up with post traumatic stress disorder. Seeing his lover at work every day only kept their feelings triggered while generating horror in your daily life.
Is there a valid reason why you would choose to live that?
He did close all social media accounts. But they were so tricky during the affair. While I don't truly believe he still is in contact with her, the conspiracy was at such a high level, I never expected in the first place, now has me doubting all possibility. He does provide open access to his phone and whereabouts.
Giving you access to his phone is worthless. I would slip spyware on it and put a GPS on his car.
How far away does the OW live?
Because it wasn't just the affair discovery and then closure...this went on and on and the all the deceit..there is so much damage. And because of how and when it was done. His connection to her and affair was so powerful that he couldn't stop communicating with her even while I, his wife, was undergoing emergency surgery.
But they worked together. So of course it went on and on.
Perhaps because it wasn't a clean break and the fact that I was forced to discover this all myself before he'd admit, I know so many many gross details. This lag in making a decision to heal our marriage, even while undergoing counseling, has put us behind in the process. I have such a hard time recovering from the "facts" behind all this. I am hoping we aren't too late for this approach. Thanks again for taking time to reply.
The reason you are so behind is because contact JUST ENDED 3 MONTHS AGO. Recovery was impossible before then. Every contact puts you and your H back to day 1 of recovery.
You are BRAND NEW to recovery. This is why you are in such bad shape. Dr. Bill Harley, clinical psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders, would only recommend that women endure such treatment for 3 weeks. You have been at this for over a year.
