|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
"Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question."
I know you're really scared but the Harleys are very soothing and if there's a way to save your marriage they will help.
Last edited by indiegirl; 04/28/15 02:24 PM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
I planned for it to has been influenced by him at all, simply timing. The dumb phone was never an issue with him, I just wanted a device that I could keylog and track via GPS. To me that made a smart phone the better option. I see your point and like your emphasis on spyware, but you must see this is like an alcoholic walking around with booze. It does not protect your marriage that your spyware can see him backsliding. GPS his car and spyware the home computer.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 27
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 27 |
Thanks. That is what I needed.
So in writing this email. My main question is how to proceed with separation and conditions for recovery.
What other information is important here? To me, everything is important cause I'm smack in the middle of it. But I don't want to email in a novel.
I guess important parts are:
-he failed the poly
-has had two affairs that I know of in the last year
-we've completed the checklist?
-he is willing to retake the poly?
Sorry, I just want to write the most productive email possible and am not really sure what they look for.
I guess I'm preparing for a separation? I don't know anymore.
I'm really glad to have all the opinions and insights from all of you-- even if I do feel defensive. So thank you everyone.
Last edited by silentnight; 04/28/15 02:55 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Tell them about the threesome and that your WH thinks an open marriage is acceptable.
Tell them the basics like your ages (of child too), length of marriage and courtship. I would also tell them that WH is going to school and you are the breadwinner.
Mention his porn use too. You can take you first post and cut alot of it out then add the more recent revelations.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
I am 25, my husband is 24. We have been married for 4.5 years and have a 2 year old little girl. We eloped after only knowing each other 4 months and have never looked back. Marriage has been wonderful and I never questioned I would spend forever with this man. That is not to say things have always been easy, getting married young and have a child young came with the big challenges and stresses to be expected. However, any problems we had were always resolved within 24 hours and we made sure to always say I love you even during heated times.
That being said, over the course of a week we have gone from what I thought was normal, happy life to my husband saying he no longer had feelings for me and was talking divorce.
In January, we made the strange decision to have a threesome with a male friend of his. Until this experience, I had only ever slept with my husband and my husband was much more sexually experienced. At first, I was not ok with the idea, but gave in.
Recently he had a childhood friend come into town. He spent a lot of time hanging out with this friend AND this friend's 18-yr-old cousin. My husband suggested a threesome with her and I tell him that I don't want to. My husband begins a sexual affair with this girl. Supposedly their affair is only a week long yet they exchanged "I love you"s...even talked about running away together with my daughter. This girl is his second affair. I also have discovered that my WH had a physical affair involving sexual contact with another woman.
Prior to discovering his affair with this girl, when I asked WH if he would ever cheat on me, he told me he couldn't promise faithfulness and asked if we should separate or "break up". I was stunned. He has told me he felt he needed to "experience other women." Add porn use, strip club, failed poly, etc. I
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 27
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 27 |
Thank you Black Raven. I will get this email out right now.
If I can get some guidance on separation that makes it seem less like a direct bridge to divorce and more like a necessary step to recovery, it makes more sense to me.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
You're welcome. You should also tell Dr Harley that the affairs have been exposed, that WH is still living in the house and that you want advice on where to go from here...Plan, A, B, D, another poly, etc????
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
You can link in this thread
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
Thanks. That is what I needed.
So in writing this email. My main question is how to proceed with separation and conditions for recovery.
What other information is important here? To me, everything is important cause I'm smack in the middle of it. But I don't want to email in a novel.
I guess important parts are:
-he failed the poly
-has had two affairs that I know of in the last year
-we've completed the checklist?
-he is willing to retake the poly?
Sorry, I just want to write the most productive email possible and am not really sure what they look for.
I guess I'm preparing for a separation? I don't know anymore.
I'm really glad to have all the opinions and insights from all of you-- even if I do feel defensive. So thank you everyone. If you include your phone number Joyce and Dr. Harley will call you before the show and ask you any questions they may need. They will make you feel at ease and are so sincere and easy to talk to.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
397
guests, and
97
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,038
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
