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Just calm yourself.
Why would he tell you not to go home? It is your home!!
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If you want to save your marriage, you need to go home.
Why is your attorney telling you not to go home?
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She will not answer my calls but she is making alot of calls to others. I don't know what is going on and I don't know what to do. My attorney says not to go home... but I am missing my kids and I am not with them right now. Why are you talking to an attorney about this?! It's key you go home and look unflappable.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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He thinks she will call the police and claim abuse. I think I should go home and be with my kids. I don't know what awaits when I get there. My best guess is that she will lock herself in a room and not talk to me. I am a mess right now because she will not take my calls so I don't know what she is doing... I would probably feel better if I could hear her voice even if it's yelling at me.
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Take a voice-activated recorder with you so you can record everything.
Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
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You need to go home. Don't fight with her. Don't debate the exposure. Simply go home. Remain calm.
Wear a VAR if you are worried about allegations of abuse. But go home.
Keep in mind she will likely be VERY ANGRY. But that's to be expected of a WW.
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He thinks she will call the police and claim abuse. I think I should go home and be with my kids. I don't know what awaits when I get there. My best guess is that she will lock herself in a room and not talk to me. I am a mess right now because she will not take my calls so I don't know what she is doing... I would probably feel better if I could hear her voice even if it's yelling at me. You better go home and stay home. Keep a recorder on you at ALL times. (I slept with one in my pants when I was in similar boat)
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I am a mess right now because she will not take my calls so I don't know what she is doing... I would probably feel better if I could hear her voice even if it's yelling at me. You need to get control of yourself and your emotions. You cannot repeatedly call her or go home 'a mess.' You need to go home with a calm, collected attitude and one that knows you did the right thing and NOT be willing to give into her anger/allegations/demands or whatever she throws at you. Can you do this? What are you planning to say to her if she does answer? What is your game plan?
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He thinks she will call the police and claim abuse. I think I should go home and be with my kids. I don't know what awaits when I get there. My best guess is that she will lock herself in a room and not talk to me. I am a mess right now because she will not take my calls so I don't know what she is doing... I would probably feel better if I could hear her voice even if it's yelling at me. It's still textbook. Being treated like leper. Means you hit a target!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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One of her best friends is now on our side 
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Way to go Are you going to go home?
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I will go home when my work day is done. It will be the hardest door to open and walk through.
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I will go home when my work day is done. It will be the hardest door to open and walk through. Well do it. Whatever you do, do NOT let her talk you into leaving your home.
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Read this thread also about the dangers of leaving your home:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2795590&Searchpage=1&Main=147437&Words=%22men+do+not+leave+your+home%22&Search=true#Post2795590
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You know what is strange... my wife read his needs her needs. There is a chapter on surviving an affair which includes exposure. I told her in counseling that people would know if she did not stop the relationship. How could she possibly be surprised by this? Could someone be living in the fog that much?
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I will go home when my work day is done. It will be the hardest door to open and walk through. Apprehensiveness is harder to bear than action. Just get it over with. Once you do it, then it is done. As long as you don't lovebust or get drawn into a big conversation you're good. You know what is strange... my wife read his needs her needs. There is a chapter on surviving an affair which includes exposure. I told her in counseling that people would know if she did not stop the relationship. How could she possibly be surprised by this? Could someone be living in the fog that much? Yes, yes and yes. Come to that how could ANYONE believe that the spouse they have betrayed will keep it quiet for you so you can carry on your affair? Yet pretty much without exception they all seem to howl like you have not told dear loved ones the truth -but like you have stuck pins in their eyes and ripped their pants off and set fire to them. Her behaviour is atypical. If she were being OK with you - I would be worried you had missed a target. We've seen it all before. It is all just so much noise and is supposed to get you to back off and stop messing with her affair. Don't fall for it.
Last edited by indiegirl; 04/27/15 01:48 PM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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You know what is strange... my wife read his needs her needs. There is a chapter on surviving an affair which includes exposure. I told her in counseling that people would know if she did not stop the relationship. How could she possibly be surprised by this? Could someone be living in the fog that much? I told my wife that eventually everyone would know that our relationship ended because of her affair. She said she didn't care what other people thought, because she's going to live her own life from now on. But when I exposed the affair, she was furious! You could say I warned her, and you could say she gave me permission. Your wife is angry because she's wayward. They all get angry when their fantasy is threatened.
Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
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I told my wife that eventually everyone would know that our relationship ended because of her affair. She said she didn't care what other people thought, because she's going to live her own life from now on. Yup - seen that one too. The 'I obviously don't care so you should feel hopeless and give up' gambit. Every word out of a wayward's mouth is geared towards protecting the affair addiction.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Our neighbors invited me over to their house tonight to talk. These particular folks will be hard for my wife to ignore because we have a really special connection to them (I won't explain here). What should I ask them to say or do? I'm starting to create a strong line up of folks that can influence my wife.
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Our neighbors invited me over to their house tonight to talk. These particular folks will be hard for my wife to ignore because we have a really special connection to them (I won't explain here). What should I ask them to say or do? I'm starting to create a strong line up of folks that can influence my wife. TM, first CONGRATULATIONS on pulling the trigger. As far as what you say to anyone about this, is that you love your wife, you want to rebuild your marriage and protect your marriage and family from all harmful influences, you would appreciate their help your endeavor.
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