"Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery."

"The reason for the wide exposure is not to hurt the unfaithful spouse, but rather to end the fantasy. Your husband's secret second life made his affair possible, and the more you can to to make it public, the easier it is for him to see the damage he's doing. Keeping it secret does damage, but few know about it. Making it public helps everyone, including the unfaithful spouse and lover, see the affair for what it really is."

The affair is exposed to those we are comfortable telling.

Thank you all this far for your responses. I believe you all are correct, but of course she says differently. Let me expand incase it makes a difference. The guy she had this with has been a friend since high school. At the time of the affair in 2011, they had been friends for about 15 years. They were usually flirty and even made out one time that I know of in those 15 years, but never actually dated. Late 2010 / early 2011 things were rough between us and we both were not giving the other wha we needed. I remember this time clearly because I remember thinking divorce was looking like a real possibility. She turned to this guy for support and it turned into an emotional affair only (he lived out of state) until he came into town one time. She met up with him for dinner and drinks and ended up getting smashed and unable to drive home. I have has numerous conversations With this guy recently including texting him from her phone (all done with her full knowledge) pretending to be her and essentially baited him into sharing the details of what happened. He confirmed how drunk she was and a lot of the rest of her story. I have also had phone conversations with this guy and I believe that this was the only physical contact they had since we were married. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. We were again having difficulties (not terribly serious) and I sensed there was something she was hiding. After pressing her for a few days she knew I knew something had happened and that the only way to move forward was to tell me. She asked if we can talk one night and that is when she came clean. Mostly clean anyway as she didn't tell me everything that night. Since the actual physical contact in 2011, they stayed in touch for a few months. Initially she admits she still wanted attention, but swears she never wanted anything more. She also says she was extremely regretful since day one, but kept in contact as she didn't want to loose a long time friend. Eventually she said she made a decision not to remain friends and in contact with him. I have gathered what emails and texts I can and for the most part that is true. He did contact her a handful of times over the years (all initiated by him that I can see), but she did respond and admittedly accepted a phone call once (20-30 convo. she thinks) last contact I know of was about 2 years ago. All of it that I can see was very platonic. We have had 2 kids in that time and overall good times. It hasn't all been roses, but some of our best times were in this period.

Having said that she still has pictures on our computer of the night in question, the dress she was literally wearing when they had sex (never took it off) still facebook friends and his number in her phone. Also, in the weeks after the night they had sex she added a picture of them to her old phone so when he called the picture popped up. To be clear it was taken the night they had sex. Now that was in her old phone and not any new ones, but would someone who was truly regretful and living with this guilt for 4 years still have these things or keep avenues of contact open?

I Believe the other guys wife knows because she responded to a text I sent him.