Can someone please answer my last two questions, especially #1. I need to be comfortable with that before I go sending out those letters to her friends list.

Well, he is a serial cheater. It doesn't matter that his first wife cheated too. And he even MARRIED an ow. This stuff is very hard to overcome with serial cheaters.

And the hope diminishes even more. I will still try to remain positive, he's older now, we have had 17 years together. Whether he chooses to remember that or not, I don't know. I need something to hang onto.

Please, can someone answer these questions.

1. By me sending letters to the OW's friends, can I get in trouble legally, since technically, I am co-owner of the restaurant she is working at?

2. Is it ok to say she is an employee in my letter? I assume so, but just want to be sure.

3. What do I do if he calls me after these exposure letters start going out? Should I avoid his calls?

Are you telling the truth?

If so, don't worry.

Ok, I reread the part about not avoiding his anger, so I got that.

I provide his contact #'s in the letter to our family, and friends, correct?

I would just say " a woman that he works with" instead of employee

1) no one can get into any legal trouble for telling the truth.

2) if you stick to facts (that yes she is an employee) then again you can't get into trouble legally.

3) ignore him until exposure is done and EXPECT anger and fury from him. The angrier he is the more it means your exposure was effective.

I believe the exposure letter was drafted by a person who works in the legal field and is worded in such a way that it makes it safest.

I would encourage you to post your exposure letter here before sending it, it has to be short and to the point. A lot of BS s add unnecessary details to the letter because understandably they are hurt and in an emotional state but sometimes this can be counterproductive.

Be ready to hear threats of a lawsuit.

Ok, great, I can do that in a few minutes.

They will likely try to bully you into silence. Document everything. You may want a VAR to document any threats. Most states only require one person (you) in a conversation to know that it is being recorded.

Dear friends and family,

I am writing to you because you are an important person in the lives of XXXX and I. As some of you may know, XXXX has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because he has been carrying on an affair with a woman named XXXX XXX XXXX who resides in XXXX. She is an employee of XXXX XXXX XXXX. The purpose of the separation is so that he can carry on his affair without my interference.

He refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence with my husband, please do what you can to get him to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with XXXX to persuade him to end his affair, and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if he would only end the affair. Please support him in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

XXXX: XXX-XXX-XXXX (restaurant)
XXX-XXX-XXXX (cell)

Warmest regards,

XXXX

By "they" you mean my H and the OW?

What's a VAR?

That sounds pretty good to me. Would you consider changing she is an employee of xxx to she is OUR employee? I'm sure the vets (mb experts and long time posters) will be able to comment on further with advice.

Have you finished the letter to the OWs friends and family?

VAR voice activated recorder.

x 100

I would withdraw all the money you have in the bank accounts. Given that WH is a serial cheater who is flaunting this OW (who is a drunk to boot) in your face, has moved out and you don't have kids, I would file for separation or D. Sorry I can't be more hopeful but those are vital things that can not be overlooked. A serial cheater is not the "typical" cheater and you will have to babysit him for life. Being a restaurant owner with not work either.

You should still expose regardless but be prepared for him to cut off the money if you don't transfer some/most of it. He will be spending your money on OW.

I like changing it to "she is our employee" and would also add she works as a waitress.

People may also slap WH by telling him the woman is using him for money given that detail.

If this is so hopeless, why even bother putting myself through all of this? Isn't there any hope, or something positive?

You should expose for a number of reason, Ginger but you also need to be realistic of what you are dealing with too. Exposure should ALWAYS happen. You get the support you need, it is the best shot you have of running off this OW, and you know you did all you could to salvage the marriage.

Recovery is possible but it will be difficult.

Also, have you confronted OW at work? It is your restaurant. If I were you, I would make my presence known instead of hiding from her if you have not confronted.