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I am in disbelief that a wayward husband would have the gall to speak so cruelly to a BS on a site that is for MARRIAGES.
Serious disbelief right now!!
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I don't see why anyone should give their free time to help you cut of this emotional tie when by your own admission you go around making them all the time. By the time youve forgotten your last mistress there will be a new one. Yes we know you and your wife did not expect the friendship to turn romantic. No one does - yet that's what happened! Pigeons learn faster than you my friend. Bottom line - is your MARRIAGE more important that this risk caused by friendships? And, yes we plan to live together and we haven't decided if we will remarry or not. That will probably be decided by financial decisions, not emotional. The renter song, eh. Just not husband material at all. I dont see how you get eligible women to date you much less marry you.. I've cut all communication, except we've agreed to occasionally text to be sure we avoid each other at a place which we both patronize. Like we said before you finally coughed up to your affair - your goal (to have them both) is obvious.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Personal attacks will not be tolerated.
ToujoursMB@gmail.com
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I have a strong idea about the Marriage Builders programme, but certainly not an expert. You are totally clueless about the MB program. Living with others and jumping in rebound relationships (one being an affair) is nothing MB advocates. You are totally clueless. ....... **EDIT** Do you see how the above questions are totally meanless, and not appropriate? That's what I don't need. You don't need to swear, it doesn't add any credibility to your posts. You're adding nothing but stress to the post and have little value and I'd rather not even hear from you. You sound like a bitter person with an agenda. I'm not that way. I was not looking to get beat up, just some help. I have given lots of help to others over the years, and now taking a turn to receive some. I will survive and be happy, regardless of this thread.
Last edited by Mizar; 05/14/15 02:47 PM. Reason: Refrain from personal attacks
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***EDIT***
Moderator's note: Do not discuss moderator action on the board.
Last edited by Toujours; 05/14/15 03:08 PM. Reason: TOS
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I've cut all communication, except we've agreed to occasionally text Then you won't be able to get her out of your head.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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You are in the fog. Come back when you want to change.
BTW - real support is not telling you what you want to hear. It is telling you the truth.
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Why would you text messages someone you want to cut out?
Are you willing to follow the checklist posted in your future marriage?
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You are in the fog. Come back when you want to change.
BTW - real support is not telling you what you want to hear. It is telling you the truth. Apples, OK, help me clear the fog... what thoughts would you have? What should I change?
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Why would you text messages someone you want to cut out?
Are you willing to follow the checklist posted in your future marriage? I would rather text than run into her. The text is simple, "I'm going to xxx tonite" The response is "K"... that's it. What checklist did I post?
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You can start by reading the basic concepts on this site and acknowledging that this is an affair situation and ask to have this moved to SAA.
You were told a while ago that this woman was an OW and you are here still acting as if this is a "dating" situation and attacking members who tell you differently.
You are talking about moving in with someone, having opposite sex friendships when that is not MB approved among other things, and again, attacking members who point out that this is not MB.
What is the point if you haven't read the basic concepts and aren't here to actually implement MB?? I am being dead serious. This isn't a debate forum or a forum for you to air your opinions that are in contradiction to Dr Harley's.
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Follow the checklist 100%. Move if needed to get away from OW. Read SAA. Call doctor Harley. Stop defending adultery. Accept 100% responsibility for all of your actions. Stop saying rude things to the people here. Accept that you are not going to "get it" for a while. Suspend your disbelief and work the steps you have been given, especially from people like Melodylane because they will give you the unvarnished truth. Expect us to call a spade a Spade.
Finally, hit "notify" at the bottom of this post and ask the moderators to move the thread to SAA because that is what you are really doing.
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I've had many friends of the opposite sex as my ex wife has had. There's no reason to believe that they all have the potential of an affair. This is the post to the person who told you that you are at cross-purposes with this forum because we are here to help people implement MB, that you attacked? Dr Harley advises AGAINST opposite sex friendship in marriage. Yours led to an affair. And yet, you are here, still arguing it? This isn't a platform for YOUR opinions. Do you realize that?
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Why would you text messages someone you want to cut out?
Are you willing to follow the checklist posted in your future marriage? I would rather text than run into her. The text is simple, "I'm going to xxx tonite" The response is "K"... that's it. Dr. Harley says it's usually impossible to recover a relationship if you are still living in an area where either of you might run into the affair partner. You are not going to be able to get her out of your head if you live in circumstances where you might run into her, and especially if you are texting her about your daily events. That's going to remind you about her all the time. You asked how to get her out of your head. This is how to do it.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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The text is simple, "I'm going to xxx tonite" The response is "K"... that's it. That's what I did to get my wife to fall back in love with me!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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What checklist did I post? It's the checklist that you were advised to read up on in terms of ending your affair/relationship with the OW pages ago. Did you even read it? No, that's right, you were too busy posting about how you believe opposite sex friendships are fine, even though yours led to an affair.
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The checklist for recovery from adultery was listed by a previous poster. It comes from the book "Surviving an Affair."
You should download that book on Kindle and Audible ASAP. Listen several times. Also start listening to the radio show. Dedicated study is the only way to internalize the concepts. Try to get your wife to read and listen too.
Last edited by apples123; 05/14/15 03:50 PM.
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From 2013: The MB position is that there are reasons for affairs, but no excuses. To the extent that you are using your BW's substance abuse as an excuse, it is inappropriate. Also, referring to the OW as a GF is easily seen an a minimization of culpability. Understand, thx. Yet here we are, still referring to the OW as a girlfriend.
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All,
Looking for advice on bringing closure to leaving a former girl friend. We were very close over the last year, living together, and were planning a life together. However, there were a few issues we couldn't solve (with counseling) that we both knew would be a problem. I left her just over a month ago, and we both knew the end was coming. I cared for her deeply and need to get past that and put her behind me. We have agreed to not contact each other, only as necessary to avoid seeing each other at place we both patronize, and have not seen, talked or emailed each other since we parted.
I'm with another lady, whom I've always cared about, and used to be married to. We have both turned over a new leaf, cleaned the slate and starting over, with a ton of great memories. She is very sympathetic and understand, but I don't want to burden her with my past relationship, but instead, promote an understanding and caring between us that will be meaningful.
Goal is to get the old girlfriend out of my mind. I am trying to keep busy, exercise, don't to things that remind me of her, but almost impossible.
Other thoughts? You were here two years ago and it was brought to your attention that this was an affair. You even told MelodyLane that you were ending the affair in large part due to the fact that she opened your eyes to how the relationship was an affair. Yet you come back here and are pretending like this is a girlfriend situation two years later? You realize that there are many BSs and FWSs here who don't appreciate dishonesty and manipulation, right? Not to mention that you have been here for two years and don't seem to understand the most basic of concepts, one being NC for life with an affair partner and avoiding opposite sex friendships in marriage.
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Homelover, unless we see a sign that you are serious about using this program, we will lock this thread. Threads like these take away from others who are in serious need of help. Please define your plan to use this program. Otherwise, this thread will be locked.
ToujoursMB@gmail.com
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