I'm searching through her kids pages too. The OW doesn't have any descriptions on her photos, so I don't know who they are. The one photo I did find, all it says is "mom".

How do I go about finding a legal detective in our area?

Thank you for the explanation Melody.

Just read this on the thread I posted to you.




I write this to underline how vulnerable you are - the affair needs you to be its punching bag. You write about feeling discarded, like an old rug (I felt like an unwanted pet) but it's actually far worse than that. They never totally discard you. They will show up at your door and blame you for any discord or unhappiness between them two.

You need SUPPORT from your exposure cavalry, shooting down your attackers for you, and you also need ESCAPE in the form of Plan B.

Knowing he is not really your husband, but an alien mind takeover won't make it hurt less. You are in the habit of believing him when he speaks and on some level will doubt yourself whenever he attacks you.

Don't fear Plan B it is amazing and life changing.

Found one. Waiting for a call back.

indiegirl, the info you shared describes me to a "T". You always have such great info.

I don't fear Plan B, not at all. I will welcome the peace and quiet. I just fear the days when he is here working on the garage. I have to be out of my home, my comfort, knowing he is here, alone. He broke his way into the room in the barn yesterday, but I don't know what he took, the boat motors are still there, along with the wood he wanted. He took the boat without communicating with me, and the officer just let him take anything he wanted, saying it's "marital property". I get that, but shouldn't we both be in agreement?

I am going to load up the most valuable things, put them in my horse trailer, and bring them down to the neighbors. I don't trust him not to take, take, take. If he would do it by communicating with me, and he and I deciding what we each get........different story completely.

This won't work. He shouldn't be hanging around if you are in Plan B. How long will it take for him to finish the garage?

I am the one who mentioned you can file for legal sep at a court house in the family law dept.
Yes. Talk to a lawyer first about the best way to do that.
But, you can do it to save money.
A lawyer doesn't need to bill you time for filling it out or filing it if you go yourself.
There are, as far as I have seen, people at the court house in the filing area to help you go through the steps.
The plus to doing it is that once it is filed, your H is messing with the law if he runs up more debt and you can legally extract yourself from the restaurant debacle sooner rather than later.

She was planning to go into Plan B on Wednesday, after he's finished his few days cleaning out stuff.

Read this thread on Plan B preparation.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787

Ginger, are you certain he will be done with the garage next week? Because once you go into Plan B, it will be important that he is not hanging around.

Also, since you are his wife, he can't put the house on the market without your signature. Does he believe otherwise?

You know I missed this bit. Really hilarious if you think about. To a wayward, their right to secrecy is like oxygen. They couldn't do half of what they do without it. Who would sleep with a married man if they had to go tell their mother about it afterwards?

They get genuinely outraged and honestly believe the police and courts will force other people to keep their secrets. Whatever nutjobs!!!!!!

But she gets arrested herself because her moral compass is THAT broken!!!!!

Just waltz off into your Plan B sunset now my dear. Leave them to enjoy each other's drama.

I'm not sure, Melody, but if I had to venture a guess, knowing how lazy and procrastinating he's been with everything else lately, I'd say a good month if not more. The insurance only gives 180 days to get it done, and we got the check about 45 days ago. I know that I do not want him here.

The amount they gave was based off of a quote given by the construction company he chose.......a customer of the restaurant. The deal was, H was going to help him do it, so the construction company wasn't going to have to pay any employees. I am going to contact that construction company, I know him well, and talk to him.

The other thing I need to speak with the lawyer about, the check from the claims department for the garage damage was nearly $7,000., if he is going to do it himself, I need to know if any left over money is to be split between us.

I am making a "to do" list, and have included this for next week. Thank you!!

Yes, I am aware he cannot sell without my signature, but what it will come down to is how long we can continue to make house payments. I know he will be able to go back to the job he had before the restaurant, so he better get his butt in gear, and get on that. I know he will slack though. I know the boss well, can I message him, and tell him to contact my H to speed it up?

No, there is no way he will be done with the garage in 2 days. Not him alone working on it. I need to call the construction company, and speak to them.

I know, isn't that just to good! I laughed so hard!

I do already have my IM, and he has agreed to it. I chose my uncle, because I felt H would be a bit more restricting as far as any crap he may try to say, vs to a woman. My uncle is very firm, and will do a very good job.

I contacted the owner of the construction company, who is a friend, and explained the situation to him. I explained that I'm not comfortable with H being here, and that my main concern is for the garage work to be done as quickly as possible. He is going to contact H, and work out a time to get this done quickly, he will get back to me in the next couple days he said.

Wouldn't this also be considered another exposure, too???!!!

You are not entitled to keep excess funds from an insurance claim payout. That would be insurance fraud.

The negotiated settlement claim was based on the contractors sworn writted proposal.

Typically, most HO-3 homeowners policies allow for ACV and RCV payouts. The ACV, Actual Cash Value after depreciation, is what you get if you do not complete the repairs and do not submit the final Certificate Of Completion, swearing the job is done.

The RCV, Recoverable Cash Value is the Held Back funds, which insurance lingo calls Depreciation. That dollar amount is only legally payable when the work is completed.

You may have a different policy than a standard HO-3 Policy, such as a Farm policy, since you mentioned a barn though.

It is VERY Easy to request an extension from the claims department to allow for additional time to get tbe work done.

Another point, the longer you are allowed to delay, then their pricing database gets updated with increased regional pricing and you then request that the claim be paid out to the future current timeframe to pay for the work.

I WOULD NOT LET THE WH SET FOOT ON THE PROPERTY TO DO THAT MONTH LONG PROJECT.

A true contractor can accomplish that in much less time.



LTL

Good point, it's likely he will drag it out so as to keep a fingertip hold on her.

I would send him an email saying he has two days maximum to clear things out because you need to reorganize it. That way you have it in writing that you gave him an opportunity.

Part of your prep might mean having some people round to clear anything he's left there after deadline. Get anything he could reasonably describe as his (stuff you don't want to be tripping over anyway) and send it to a storage facility or relative - You can tell him where in the letter.

By the way, thank you for posting that the POSOW was arrested when She contacted the Police.

That made my night. I was in pain from having just had 2 teeth extracted and couldn't sleep and that news made my night go more smoothly.

LTL

When Plan B goes into effect put alarms and locks on your garage. If he complains to your IM she should say she's been told the lawyers are sorting that stuff out.

He obviously doesn't know that you have made any withdrawals of your portion of the marital assets yet, does he?

When he finally figures it out, tell him to speak with your attorney about it.

There. No More Drama.

But, he will explode. Count on it.

LTL