Sorry NM. Well, at least you'll be able to move on knowing you did everything you could and can make a very clean break. You and Ax are lucky, in that you don't have any kids, so you won't be dealing with wayward behavior regarding kids for years on end.

You can travel the world! Take up a new hobby! It'll be painful for while, but the pain will be finite. You have a lot of good things ahead of you.

Yeah, it's fortunate we didn't have children. And we were in the process of adopting, so thankfully that didn't happen before the affair.

Sorry to hear, nmwb77. I know it's been a rough ride.

If I can pass anything along as advice, I would encourage you to think and pray about how long you want to stay in Plan A, as well as focus on building new friendships.

Ending my Plan A and finding new well-grounded friends (mostly at church) has really helped me with moving forwards. While I'm sure I won't be gleeful whenever my D decree is issued, the fact that it is happening is actually a relief to me these days. All I see when I look at my STBXW is a trail of chaos. She's still a complicated topic for me, but the D doesn't bother me at this point. I've also really got involved at my church and I would be remiss if I didn't say that God has turned this all into a period of spiritual growth for me.

Between that and getting back into weightlifting/working out, I feel more content than I have in a long time and I'm in better shape that I have been in a long time. I am a bit shocked how well I'm getting along compared to 6 months ago. When I go out with friends and family, I am able to just enjoy myself and have fun with everyone, and it wasn't that way at all 6 months ago, I was too depressed.

Not sure if that rings any bells or sounds familiar. Hopefully it is helpful. Praying for you and your situation.

One thing I love about MB is being able to compare notes. Doesn't it just seem like "hedging and waffling" is the philosophy of choice for most waywards? At least mine and most of the ones I see on here!

I swear conflict avoidance is some sort of way of life for waywards.

Thanks, Ax. It's a long story, but the ex put a restraining provision in our divorce agreement, so I'm in Plan B. I plan to wait in the wings for six months and then reevaluate. I'm very active at church now, and that's been great. I'm also working out, but I have to admit I've been skipping a lot recently because I've been feeling down about the divorce going through (I know, vicious cycle, but I'll go back to the gym soon).

Sorry for hijacking your thread, PW.

For him, I am not sure it was conflict avoidance so much as wanting to hang on the the possibility of both me and the OW for as long as he could. Well, too bad. I'm gone. He has to make that train wreck full time now.

Honestly, I don't think I want him back anymore. All the hedging and waffling is just unattractive on top of the huge betrayal he is not even sorry about. He seems quite weak and indecisive to me now. I know what you mean by looking back and just seeing chaos, Ax. My life is drama-free and peaceful now and I can't believe all of the crazy I put up with.

I am still not thrilled about being a single mother and potentially ending up a lonely cat lady (or dog lady, really. I'm not into cats), but I am doing well without the affair drama.

Hijack away! Praying for you!

Well, he didn't file a response. I will be filing a default motion to continue the divorce without his participation.

Well good. Ask for everything you can...no overnights with women while he has DD, no exposure to skank OW, can't take DD out of the county without your consent, etc. I wouldn't allow for so much phone/skype contact either. If he was worried about it/anything, he would have responded. You can always permit things later if he ever gets himself together but get what you want in there. Dot your "i"s and cross your "t"s.

ETA: And file it ASAP

You can't do any of the non-overnights in Ca. The courts won't enforce it. But I will ask for reduced calls, etc.

Nevermind. My lawyer called saying he filed a response on time

I don't know why, but it made me feel bad that he responded.

Don't worry. It will still work out. It might take a little longer now, but it will still come to a conclusion.

I guess I was thinking he'd walk away quietly at this point after everything he has done. I'm just tired and battle weary. But he is wayward. He wants centrality and to keep sticking it to me.

I have to get it out of my head that he cares for me at all. He doesn't! After everything, you'd think I would know that.

My kid is gone for a week. Boooo!!

Divorce is horrible.

What Plan B self-care do you have planned for yourself this week?

I'm at a friend's birthday party right now. It's weird. I am not used being single-ish.

sorry PW, I can't relate personally, but I imagine that it is unsettling to be without your daughter.

Here's hoping that you can relax a bit and enjoy your friend's party.

Being single can be lonely. Better than going crazy dealing with a wayward.

Wait, what?

Single Chick here. Fun stuff to do alone, and very random and diverse. Some may or may not be your cup-o-tea. Pick and choose as food for thought.

Go run a marathon and get healthy! LOL. OK, we all need to do that. But, while you plan on doing that, try these as ideas to get you thinking.


1) Google and find the oldest cemeteries in your county and go walk through them. NOT a sad place, but rather historical and very interesting to see the family connections. Read headstones from 1813, for example, and the history. It's really cool and heart-warming.

2) Go to movie all by yourself. I do this 1X per month, and it's a blast. I love people-watching, and I text the pic to family of the movie of choice for that matinee. Then we talk about it later. Me? Just saw Mad Max!

3) IF you live in your hometown, go to the library and find pictures of friends and family in yearbooks, take pics and send to them. I realize how mundane that sounds, but try it. You will connect with family and friends like crazy, and in a way that will bring great memories and also reconnect you with people you may have lost touch with. And, it's your choice. When is the last time you were in or used a public library?

4) Go scope out a local Walmart or Kmart and do some stalking. Find a "victim" that has a cart of needs (not wants), and pay a bit for their stuff. Not all? Just kick in 10 bucks. Careful, as this can be very addicting!

5) I hate weeding. HATE. Go drive your neighborhood and just pull over and pull weeds on just one bed that needs it. Not the whole house, just one bed.

6) Back to that cemetery? Find one that is unattended, and add something that is high maintenance.

7) Go to dinner! Take yourself out! This is one of my favorite things to do! I absolutely love doing this! You get used to it, and it becomes a "thing".

I know all of this sounds kind of "meh", but trust me. These are just ideas...