If the BH caught them kissing in December and they claim they slept together over a year ago this was not a one time roll in the hay. No way. Don't even let your WH gaslight you with it was only one time. Tell him you KNOW it was more than once so until he comes clean to not bother opening his mouth...it will just be more lies that will tear you up. This affair has been going on for well over a year. For them to have slept together even a year ago...there was a lot going on before they got to that point.

Do you want help or not? You have been reading on this site for months but it doesn't seem like you have absorbed any of the concepts of MB. Months ago, your WH (who you already admits has poor boundaries and travels a lot) is found kissing your best friend and yet there are no EPs in place and no exposure has been done. You are in serious denial if you think your marriage will survive if you keep heading down this path. Everyone understands you only found out about the sex recently but you also have been reading the website for months.

To then say that you don't need to explain what has/hasn't been done on the checklist is pretty arrogant. Either you want help or you don't. No one can help you salvage your marriage if you aren't willing to answer what is considered very basic questions to survive an affair. Sorry if that sounds harsh but that is how you come across.


I hope so. Your marriage and even your sanity depends on it. Sorry for your hurt, tracygrace. Posters want to see you survive this tragedy...not set yourself up for more pain and heartache. I hope you are able to get some sleep and have more clarity tomorrow.

Oh geez. I smell a cherry picker here.

That's going to backfire on you big time!

What am I missing here other than that what you are REALLY saying that you are not willing to do the entire list but don't want to hear anything negative about it?

Can you explain why you would post something like this to people who are trying to help you?

You don't need to understand "the web site" in order to end the affair properly and to implement EPs.

Your marriage is in the ER on life support, we are telling you what needs to be done to stop the life threatening bleeding and you are telling us you are going to read up on infectious diseases.

You need to focus on ending this affair, implementing appropriate EPs to end contact for life. Which has been posted to you but you don't want to discuss, apparently.

I would like to say

You don't have to come back and post your progress on the forum
but
you do have to figure out how to work the plans and then work them.

Coming here to post will help guide you until you figure them out.

If you post and don't give details, there will not be a full picture to help you. People will give you more vague information and appear to be chastizing you for not doing certain steps. If forum members don't know what you have been doing, they will be lacking the ability to help guide.

Waywards love counselors because they enable waywards to naval gaze and pick at a lifetime of old scabs to rationalize their hurtful choices and feel better about them. A wayward will drag this process out forever.

EXPOSURE is a more effective method.


Raise the bar tracy. Take control of your life and accept no less than the truth proven by a poly. Tell him you have scheduled a poly and expect him to take it and pass. My own FWH refused on "ethical" reasons...that is what finally knocked me out of my own denial.


I think it is interesting that you say you have moved to a town which is one town from OW and that your WH has been thinking about finding a new job with less travel.