Is there a Court Order for skype calls?

There isn't a court order for anything at all. However, how you conduct yourself with regard to access matters prior to going to court.

The more reasonable I look, the better. We crafted an informal arrangement through attorneys when he wanted to do that post-nup debacle.

I so far, have allowed him access (which is reasonable) and he has flouted and changed visitation times and hasn't paid any support. He is hanging himself by his own rope. So that is good. The only thing he can say is that I am forcing him to use email/third party for communications, which is not an issue for the court. He just thinks he is entitled to text me and be a jerk for the next 15 years.

The more it is like, "hey, she is reasonable; he's being a jerk" the better. I just asked my lawyer to ask the court for:

1) monitored communications
2) One skype call per week with phone access to her through her burner phone (although this is subject to her availability, which the court knows. she wouldn't be under any obligation to answer when she is say, at a soccer game, just because he calls. She could call him back later).

For now, I just had my IM tell him she is camping and that the call should be moved. That's all. If he causes problems, he causes problems. I told him, so I covered my butt. When I get a court order, I'll be more protected.

I finally received a custody hearing date for a little over two months from now. I am also ordered to do mediation with him, which is just about the worst thing I could ever imagine. There isn't anything to mediate. We live 500 miles away from each other. One of us has to have sole physical custody and that person is obviously me since I've been doing it this whole time. I just need a judge to be captain obvious and tell that to WH because he lives in lala land. In fact, I would like the judge to say:

"Sir, you live in lala land. Your wife has had sole custody de facto for 10 months. Before that, you left your dd with her all the time so you could go curousing with a brazen hussy. It's clear that you are just doing this to punish your wife because you are a wayward affair crack addict right now. Your kid stays with her mom. If you had cared you would have done something about it sooner. You owe ms. PigletWiglet thousands in back child support from the date of separation. And lastly, stop putting dumb non-disparagement clauses designed to protect your brazen hussy into your parenting requests. The first amendment guarantees the right of scorned wives to out brazen hussies on the internet (I'm pretty sure this is what the founding fathers intended the first amendment to be used for)."

And then he will bang a gavel (because that's what judges do) and declare my victory!

Ha, just kidding. But a girl can dream.

His rights have to be considered. But I vote for your way!

Can the mediation be done separate rooms?

I know. The mediation thing is just done automatically. They didn't even look at the filing or the custody declaration probably. It's just the law here. If it doesn't work, then we go to court. It is the state's way to make a good faith effort that there be an out of court settlement.

Yes, I think mediation can be done if separate rooms. That actually might be standard since most people try to settle custody out of court. Once you get to the stage where you are asking a judge for custody, you probably can't be in the room with the other party. There are no attorneys though. He might actually ask to phone in mediation since he isn't here.

I don't know about your state but in some states mediation is avoidable or at least separate rooms can be done when there is an issue of domestic violence. Given that you filed a police report when WH pushed you, I would use that as a reason to at the very least request separate rooms. Look into it and bring it up now vs waiting.

I will try to at least get separate rooms. I just read the court website and I see that they don't usually do separate rooms unless there is DV. I will request it.

The sheet said if there is DV OR "if you are concerned with meeting with the other parent...", so I think I can get it.

I get the shakes just when he comes to the door to get my daughter. I wonder when the medical establishment and family courts will acknowledge that trauma from the emotional abuse of infidelity is real? Probably never.

I found a very good guide on how to manage your divorce for battered women, which I think is also very valuable for non-battered women, going trough a divorce where there are children.

National Council for Juvenile and Family Court Judges

So her internet exposure was culled somehow to an internet porn site. I did NOT post anything else about her and now she is threatening criminal charges. This internet posting thing seems hardly worth it.

Who told you that? What would be the charge? Defamation of character is a civil complaint. Publicizing an affair is not a crime.

I agree. Her tort attorney. The thing is that I didn't put up anything else. The charge would be harassment.

Criminal charges are a pipe dream in this case.

They would have to prove 100% beyond any reasonable doubt that you placed whatever details of her on the internet porn site yourself, and I'm not even sure what exactly this would mean since you did not (I assume) post any pictures or videos of them that are pornographic in nature. Correct? Perhaps her name being attributed to someone else's pornographic content, or what?

If you post something on the internet and someone else aggregates it to their own filthy or otherwise unflattering website, that is not defamation on your part, even if the information being hosted on that site suggests something defamatory in nature. You weren't the person that placed it there.

If the exposure itself wasn't criminal, it certainly isn't made criminal by someone else reposting the content on their own site. They're probably trying to rope this in under a cyber-bullying statute but good luck with that. Those laws already have trouble clearing 1st amendment concerns and unlike a bully you actually have just cause for doing what you've done.

Hasn't OW already threatened to sue you? Anything come of that?

Reminds me of my ex going to both the local PD and the sheriffs office to try and press charges about having the vehicle she was driving GPS'd. PD actually contacted me regarding it but the detective I spoke with conceded I was within my own rights and I never heard anything again about it.

I think the motivations here are similar. This woman is just having a temper tantrum.

I would relish the fact that she is expending so much of her time and effort on her frustrations with being exposed. She's just letting you live rent free in her head all this time, even with your WH right there with her.

I would probably laugh if OM in my situation was still this frustrated. I still laugh thinking about how deer in the headlights he looked when I showed up unannounced at his business.

I doubt this dude knows the whole story or anything close to it. Knowing all of the details would probably burst his bubble.

I agree Ax, it's just a temper tantrum and they would have to prove that I put it up, etc. I had her name even blocked as a search term on my computer, so I didn't even know about it. The content is exactly the same as what I originally posted, so it's not pornographic content of her at all.

Does your divorce lawyer practice other types of law as well? I think you actually may have a case for harassment against the OW. With these unfounded threats and having the police talk to you, there's probably enough to prove harassment on her part.

A strongly worded letter from your lawyer might put her in her place.

No, he doesn't practice other types of law. More than anything, I just am tired of dealing with this, which is what they want, I know. I really don't think anything will come of this.

Yeah, I didn't want to suggest hiring a new lawyer. I was just thinking if you could make a formal demand for her to cease and desist contacting you any further contact would probably constitute harassment. Don't let it get to you. It will all go away in time.

That the post made its way to a porn site is pretty funny, though. I hope you can step back and enjoy a good laugh about it.

One more thing. You've made the world a better place. At least we know when the OW gets dumped by or dumps your husband in the next year or so she won't ever date another married man. She's been badly burned by this. She may even warn her slutty friends to stay away from married men.