It's not a big deal to you....it was just an effort to forget her

You realise it is NOT an issue to the person who was not betrayed? To the person betrayed it is worse than rape, or losing a child.

When their spouse returns home it is like getting someone back from the dead They are so happy at the chance to end the pain, they will accept any blame for the 'relationship issues' and will even accept shack up offers and being called a 'significant other' - yuk.




What would you call her role in this mess? The Other Significant Other? The woman outside the marriage is the Other Woman. Fact.



Breatakingly casual about what this must have done to your wife.

Would you be so suave if an OM was 'not an issue' for her in leaving you? For him?

I'm certain such a betrayal would still be an issue for you!




No because you are a dreadful risk to any woman. You swap women out like collectible sports cards. You see no value in marriage and have no remorse when you cheat.

It's not an issue to you - and that makes you a dead cert for doing it again unless you are kept sufficiently happy and appeased.

Your poor wife must be terrified of not pleasing you in that set up.

No, but why do you ask? And, I really feel it's inappropriate to bring up a thread that was closed. It was closed for a reason, correct? [/quote]

Nice little attempt at side stepping the question. It was closed because you weren't following the program so it is very appropriate to ask if you are STILL not following the program. I haven't seen any evidence whatsoever that you are here to use this program. I haven;t figured out why you are even here since you are a) not married, b) shacking up and c) have all but jeopardized your dating relationship by keeping your OW hanging around the fringes.

I don't get it.

If you are serious, ask your wife to come by and introduce herself.

Where's the fog horn clip?

Good grief.

Markos,
She has been asked, several times. In fact, I read to her from MB website, as well as print articles and read to her. She is not interested in computer forums, but I'm sure she is more than welcome here.

And, thx for your offer to review other comments you've made to other folks, I have done that and I like your style of making positive comments.

Here we go again.

This issue has been covered in all of your threads. The obvious is pointed out to you, you agree and acknowledge that this was an A and this was an OW and then you come back later, start a new thread and do the same thing, again.

It wasn't closed because we were not allowed to ask you those questions any more! It was closed because you refused to use MB solutions to your problems.

We can still ask you those questions on a new thread. A locked thread is not carte blanche for you to bypass your history.

And by the way, you can't use MB practices in a living together arrangement (that is an oxymoron), so nobody here is going to help you do that.

Just thought I'd pick this up for one more effort...

Does anyone care to offer support, rather than criticize? Overall, there's a lot of knowledge here, and I'm trying to break thru to getting some of it.

I've been called a lier, cheater, unfit for any woman, using inappropriate titles for people (like OW) not following the program and other things. I could defend all of the above, but would rather not argue, but it sure is easy to be provoked.

Am I worth help at all? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Most (if not all) of you have had serious marital problems, and it certainly takes two to have these problems. If you have been successful (as I'm sure most of you have), can you share what worked for you?

WE have told you. You won't accept it.

Homelover, can you help me out here by summarizing the thread - what parts of the program are people saying you won't follow?

I will try to help anyone who will try to follow the program, time and other constraints permitting, of course.

Markos,

I'm not sure... there have been a LOT of negative comments and lot of misunderstandings. I did change a few things, so I'm really not sure where I stand.

Right now, things are going reasonably well with my SO. Just want to keep them that way.

Why don't you read back through your thread and find out?

I did... read the whole thing from the beginning.

What questions do you have about the program?

What things are you doing to follow the program?

Markos,

Thx for the reply. I have many questions, and will probably continue to have questions.

As for following the program, I have gone over all of the basic concepts, and letters, Q&As, etc. I have sat down with my SO and read to her the whole thing to make sure we were on the same page, which we basically are. Both of us have no issues with any of the concepts.

However, as time goes on, I'm sure we will have issues and questions as a lot of couples do. I'd like to be able to post those issues and get positive response to what is best as well as what are the options.

I believe for now, we are still in a tender part of our lives, with a TON of history and experience to learn from. We will probably always be in a tender situation, as I firmly believe that a relationship has to continue to grow, so there can always be issues and things to address. It seems like the good times go fairly easy... it's getting thru the tough times that can make or break things.

Sound reasonable?

Sure, if you have a question, post it.

But you do have an issue with the whole concept of marriage, as you argued in an earlier thread. That is why you have chosen to live together and not marry. And the fact that you have been married to each other before suggests that you have specific reasons for not wanting to marry each other again.

If you do not want to get married, you shouldn't live together. If you want to live together, you should make the full commitment, become buyers, and marry.

Really, everything you need to know about how to make your relationship work is contained in this article: Fear of Marriage

Oh, thanks, Sugarcane, now I see.

Yes, Homelover, the program would specify that you get married, or not live together. If you're not willing to take one of those steps, I would suggest that you not expect good results to last.

Well - that wasn't a question that Homelover asked, and he might well do what he did on a previous thread, and ask me what I did to cause my husband's affair. I think he was trying to show me what it was like to be offered irrelevant advice. Of course, I don't see any advice that I offered, including this, as irrelevant.

From Dr Harley's point of view, there is a great difference between being married and living together. Indeed, you don't have to follow Dr Harley's philosophy to see that living-together relationships are more fragile and unstable than marriages.

It's also true that marriages today are much more fragile and unstable than they were 50 years ago, and there may be many reasons for that, but anybody who wants a stable, and also happy, romantic relationship for life needs to become a buyer. The only way to become a buyer is do all the things that Dr H recommends in that article; marry because you are in love, meet ENs and avoid hurting each other.

This program also encourages the unfaithful spouse to make just compensation to the betrayed spouse and to express remorse about the affair. Homelover finds this objectionable so I can't see how he can follow it.