First I am no advising anyone of anything... I asked a question.

post in a reply y Dr Harley to J.R.
"The Policy of Joint Agreement identifies issues that create incompatibility in marriage. When you can't enthusiastically agree on a decision, it is an issue that has come between you. If you brainstorm solutions, you give your mind a chance to break the barrier, and create compatibility. Regardless of the importance of the issue -- church, finances, friends, you should not make any decisions without your wife's enthusiastic agreement. In fact, the more important the issue, the more essential it is to have agreement."
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5041b_qa.html

Aparently I didn't realize that the piercing was coming between them. It also stated that there should have been some negotiating. It wasn't until he suggested she tried a temporary that it appeared there was any negotiating.
Please correct me if I am wrong.
jaeRN13

It would be great to start your own thread so you can ask questions.

And yes, POJA is for everything. (the little foxes spoil the vine.) Dr. Harley often refers to changing annoying habits, such as leaving dirty socks on the floor.

Excuse me, but "How about enthusiastically get behind something that would make her happy. Espicially when it's not you getting the piercing. " is not asking a question, and neither is "What other ways do you use POJA to get your way?"

In both cases you were telling the poster off for expressing his view about her piercing, which is a profound misunderstanding of POJA. It was also advising him from a position of ignorance. You know nothing of POJA if you tell him that he should not have told his wife that he did not like that kind of piercing, and that doing so was controlling.

Thanks. FYI, when the conversation first happened I wasn't really prepared with any alternatives, and my W was not interested in discussing it further because she was annoyed with me. But when I approached her with an alternative a couple days later after we had both cooled down on the topic, it actually worked pretty well. Maybe it was an imperfect attempt at the POJA (which is inevitable if both people aren't on board with it), but it did seem to work out for us even so.