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I'm going to give it 6 months for that to work. Because he is back in the fold.
What I am asking is, what harm can it do if she is emailing, testing, or IMing him if they don't see each other? If they are still emailing, texting, or IMing, then he is not back in the fold. An affair isn't finished until the last email, text, IM, or other contact.
Last edited by markos; 06/19/15 09:11 PM.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Our past has been really really great until this small thing. Not to marry was my choice and he would have married me any time I asked for it since his proposals until possibly a few months ago.
I didn't even know about the affair because it happened at work. It was his sister who found out, exposed it, and swiftly got rid of her. I'm going to give it 6 months for that to work. Because he is back in the fold.
What I am asking is, what harm can it do if she is emailing, testing, or IMing him if they don't see each other? The affair has finished, or has been torn apart by his sis. Actually, he didn't have an "affair." He is not a married man and is a free agent. You should just accept he is free to pursue other relationships. He is not married, after all.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What I am asking is, what harm can it do if she is emailing, testing, or IMing him if they don't see each other? What harm can it do? EVERY single time that has happened to somebody on this forum, it has prevented recovery of the marriage. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. What harm can it do? It can completely prevent you from getting your relationship back. That's what harm it can do. I've been here for 13,490 posts. There are no exceptions. But if you don't believe me, take it from Dr. Harley. He has been counseling marriages and helping people survive infidelity for over forty years. He knows a lot more than me. Why don't you email him? What harm can it do, other than the fact that he will give you the exact same answer we are giving you.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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> You don't want an academic discussion about the effects of contact. You want your relationship back.
I kinda do. I already have my relationship back. I want to understand the psychological effect of light contact by her on him, if any.
Also, sis-in-law said the OW called him in Spain to ask him to stop what his sister was doing and he mumbled something like "I'm sure my sister will do the RIGHT THING". What does that mean? Does it mean he realizes separating from her is the right thing to do?
Last edited by jenni19; 06/19/15 09:18 PM.
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He did ask to marry many times around the 3 year mark, as I have said before. It was I who put it off and did not push for it. Maybe he is looking around for someone who would like to marry him since you turned him down? How can he explore other options if he is not seeing others?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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> You don't want an academic discussion about the effects of contact. You want your relationship back.
I kinda do. I already have my relationship back. I want to understand the psychological effect of light contact by her on him, if any.
Also, sis-in-law said the OW called him in Spain to ask him to stop what his sister was doing and he mumbled something like "I'm sure my sister will do the RIGHT THING". What does that mean? Does it mean he realizes separating from her is the right thing to do? The "right thing" means that he realizes hat getting rid of her and returning to us is the right thing to do for him, right?
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I kinda do. I already have my relationship back. I want to understand the psychological effect of light contact by her on him, if any. And now you understand the psychological effect: it will prolong his relationship with the other woman and keep your relationship from fully recovering. It sounds to me like you don't believe us, though. It sounds like you started out believing that it would be no harm, and you're here hoping that somebody will tell you it's no harm. But we're not going to tell you that, because we care too much about the people who come here to lie to them and help them whistle in the dark.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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He did ask to marry many times around the 3 year mark, as I have said before. It was I who put it off and did not push for it. Maybe he is looking around for someone who would like to marry him since you turned him down? How can he explore other options if he is not seeing others? He understands that it is a kind of gesture of love and trust. He's very rich,. I was kinda not so rich. I kind of wanted him to understand that it was him I loved and that I was not after his money.
Last edited by jenni19; 06/19/15 09:25 PM.
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[
The "right thing" means that he realizes hat getting rid of her and returning to us is the right thing to do for him, right? BUT....he didn't get rid of her: What I am asking is, what harm can it do if she is emailing, testing, or IMing him if they don't see each other? Is there a reason he should get rid of her?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He understands that it is a kind of gesture of love and trust. He's very rich,. I was kinda not so rich. I kind of wanted him to understand that it was him I loves and that I was not after his money. And maybe he thinks getting married is a "kind of gesture of love and trust?" Shouldn't he keep that option open while he is a single man?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The "right thing" means that he realizes hat getting rid of her and returning to us is the right thing to do for him, right? BUT....he didn't get rid of her: Sis says he pretty much stood back let her do it. She is very forceful and they have a close sibling relationship. Sis says he did nothing to stop her and he blocked his phone the way sis demanded he did when she saw the OW calling him.
Last edited by jenni19; 06/19/15 09:29 PM.
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Sis says he pretty much stood back let her do it. She is very forceful and they have a close sibling relationship. Sis says he did nothing to stop her and he blocked his phone the way sis demanded he did when she saw the OW calling him. Thats nice. So you won't mind if this new girlfriend stays in contact?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He understands that it is a kind of gesture of love and trust. He's very rich,. I was kinda not so rich. I kind of wanted him to understand that it was him I loves and that I was not after his money. And maybe he thinks getting married is a "kind of gesture of love and trust?" Shouldn't he keep that option open while he is a single man? I would welcome marriage. He knows that. We never saw the need for it and there was no difference until a few months ago. Marriage is not the issue here with either of us. In both our minds, and those of his family, we are as good as married. You can assume that we are married and there has been a brief affair that has happened. That non issue is taking too much of this thread.
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Sis says he pretty much stood back let her do it. She is very forceful and they have a close sibling relationship. Sis says he did nothing to stop her and he blocked his phone the way sis demanded he did when she saw the OW calling him. Thats nice. So you won't mind if this new girlfriend stays in contact? I can't stop the OW. I mind, but there's nothing I can do about it other than understand and minimize its effect on the relationship.
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I would welcome marriage. He knows that. We never saw the need for it and there was no difference until a few months ago. Marriage is not the issue here with either of us. In both our minds, and those of his family, we are as good as married. You can assume that we are married and there has been a brief affair that has happened. That non issue is taking too much of this thread. But....you are not married so I wouldn't assume something that is not true. So it is not an affair. It is a non issue to you because you would like to sweep it under the rug. The truth is that he did not have an affair. You can't ask us to treat your relationship more seriously than you have. It wasn't serious enough for you to make a commitment.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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we care too much about the people who come here to lie to them and help them whistle in the dark.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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It's a civil partnership. But let us return to the question of contact by her please.
So he initially cut her off his phone when his sis told him to. Sis says she also had her email blocked from all the servers at work. But could that be to get his sis off his back? What will he do if she contacts him from another phone or another email address?
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You can assume that we are married But ... you're not. What will he do if she contacts him from another phone or another email address? What would a druggie do?
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It's a civil partnership. But let us return to the question of contact by her please. I don't think you are listening. We can't help you if you don't take the advice. WE can move forward when you admit and accept that this is not an affair and you are not married. That is the crux of the problem. Your relationship is not a commitment that protects you from other relationships. Your boyfriend is a free agent and is free to marry others. Unless that is fixed and this is transformed into a buyers relationship, there is no reason to waste time discussing blocking his new girlfriend. We have given you a path out of this and you seem to believe you have a better plan are ignoring all the advice we gave you. Are you just here to blog about your closed minded, short sighted ideas?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's a great thing that sis-in-law can't stand this OW. She thinks OW is after his money, unlike me.
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