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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
This will be blended into the other studies we are currently doing. My wife did promise a list of deposit and withdraw items a week or so ago. I might ask her again if she can deliver on those. Not sure what you mean by "other studies" but if you plan on adding to, amending, or making up your own "plan," you are wasting your time here. We are here to help you follow the MB program, not to support you in your own plan. Keep on doing the good work here, MelodyLane. For some of you others, watch being combative with folks seeking help here. Regardless of how arrogant or misguided they are. It could drive folks away from the marriage builder forum. And sometimes that is good thing, though. If someone comes here, is arrogant and misguided and won't listen, they are wasting valuable time that could be spent on others who are here to learn. The moderators typically lock those threads. Our goal is not to keep people here at all cost, but to help those that are serious about learning this program. I realize some people thought I'm wrong about my wife being in love with my on our honeymoon, but this is coming from people that read a post and made a judgement with no evidence. And I'm not bringing my wife into this discussion online to verify that she was in love with me on our honeymoon. This misses the point entirely so I am not sure why it was brought up again. Like I mentioned previously [several times] women need TWO THINGS to desire sex: an emotional attachment and the prospect of enjoyment. If either ingredient is missing, she will not desire sex. Any way, we are here to help you with Marriage Builders if you are serious. If you are here to blog about your own plan, you are in the wrong place. Best wishes......
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389
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Joined: Oct 2011
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Hi MelodyLane,
It does appear that I ignored your last posts, but in reality, my wifi access package ran out in my hotel and my last post did not come through.
I did want to log in here again to express my deepest appreciation for all your assistance and the time you put into this. I do assure myou it is making a difference. And I have listened.
When I get home, the 15 hours of undivided attention will start to happen. I'll continue to work through the love busters items. I'm not going to impose any of my needs on my wife, rather focus on her needs.
This will be blended into the other studies we are currently doing. My wife did promise a list of deposit and withdraw items a week or so ago. I might ask her again if she can deliver on those.
I'm traveling home right now. I probably won't be on the forum again for a while since many things in this post would probably hurt my wife if she read them. I've debated even deleting this account.
The remark on my part about being misunderstood by some on this thread was not directed at you.
I realize some people thought I'm wrong about my wife being in love with my on our honeymoon, but this is coming from people that read a post and made a judgement with no evidence. And I'm not bringing my wife into this discussion online to verify that she was in love with me on our honeymoon.
Again, thank you for everything. I might pop back on some day when my wife isn't around. But that is rare because we are ALWAYS together.
Keep on doing the good work here, MelodyLane. For some of you others, watch being combative with folks seeking help here. Regardless of how arrogant or misguided they are. It could drive folks away from the marriage builder forum.
Take care. The problem is not that people are "harsh", it is that you do not allow people to be honest. I strongly suspect your wife cannot not be honest with you, for fear of being DJd or LBd. A wife cannot be in love when she is treated like this. Until you are willing to learn, people cannot help.
Last edited by alis; 06/23/15 08:59 PM.
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968 Likes: 1
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Joined: Sep 2014
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I realize some people thought I'm wrong about my wife being in love with my on our honeymoon, but this is coming from people that read a post and made a judgement with no evidence. And I'm not bringing my wife into this discussion online to verify that she was in love with me on our honeymoon. The comments about your honeymoon statements are about this: It's a basic foundational principle in MB that you do not speak for how your spouse is feeling or felt about something. You let them speak for themselves, and you listen carefully. You do not make assumptions (no matter how reasonable) about those things either. IF you size up how well their emotional needs are being met/were met FOR them, you might as well hang it up because the program cannot work like that. You NEED their feedback exclusively in order to meet their needs. You are flying blind otherwise and certain to lovebust them by the truckload out of ignorance, not malice. The level of alarm that was directed at you about this comment is due to how serious of a problem it is that you are effectively muting your wife in this way. We don't want you to destroy your marriage, which this attitude will. What if your wife simply concluded that you didn't want sex since you are sticking around and paying the bills despite only having it every 7 months? It would bother you, no? Same thing when you speak for her. I said what I said specifically because it was a very easy way for me to tell you were not very far into your reading. It wasn't a comment about your honeymoon itself.
Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders" 2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more. When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29 Married: 7 years Together: 8 years D-day: 10/5/2014 D filed: 1/22/2015 D Final: 6/4/2015 My story
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 48
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I'm traveling home right now. I probably won't be on the forum again for a while since many things in this post would probably hurt my wife if she read them. I've debated even deleting this account. Hopeless, stay in MB. There is a treasure of information here. It WILL change your lives. You can't really delete your posts here unless the moderators do so for special reasons but go ahead, try out the plan, READ and apply and eventually do share this site with her, as in the info on website, the books, the links, not necessarily You need to post if you are being able to follow fine. If you both run into trouble following the plan, people here can guide you. If she has no idea how you feel, yes, I'd say this post would definitely hurt. There are more effective ways of communicating than by reading what you are writing about your feelings she is unaware of and won't take it good. i don't know what other posters might say about what I will say because I don't think you are allowed to open multiple accounts, but it wouldn't really be multiple accounts if you abandon this one and start a new one.... this AlienGirl display name is actually another account because first post name change because I was told to snoop and I didn't want him to know I was snooping and the next account I opened because we had an incident back then and I didn't want him to read the advises, but there is really no reason for you to hide future posts if you are careful on how you write to explain your point without being disrespectful.... create a MrX and MrsX and you can both post if you run into trouble and it will be actually a shared learning experience. Anyone, please correct me if I am wrong what I just wrote.
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