I agree pigwig. I doubt he has even requested this - it was almost certainly his lawyer's idea.

Have you Documented Every Time he could not meet the current minimal status quo visitation timelines?

LTL

Yes, there is documentation plus text messages with my IM

Rad.

Don't worry too much. Most of these guys are totally transparent. He might get some more, considering that he lives close, but 50-50 is unlikely given his history. Also know that if he gets more time and keeps shirking it, you can always take him back to court to get time reduced.

I am worried some. And also I just feel sick. I still don't want any of this.

I know the feeling. It is terrible. I cannot imagine with some many kids ranging from infancy to teens. Just know that you can ALWAYS fight for what is right for your kids. I would be much more worried too if I lived near the stbX.

I told my lawyer that I didn't want to change the visitation and she's 100% supportive of that. She said we'll just make that our counter offer.

So, 2 weeks ago, on the 4th, I got a message from my IM that WH wanted me to switch cable/internet providers because my current one is raising rates (and our financial agreement through the court is that he will continue to fund the joint account where all of the household bills are set to automatic withdrawal). One week later, before I had a chance to research/think about it/respond, the internet was cut off. I checked and it was due to owing money. Not the full bill, but what I'm assuming is the difference between the old rate and the new. I had my IM notify WH that it was off, and he said he'd sent an email about that and hadn't gotten a response. He really is living in his own world. My IM let him know that I would respond when I'd made a decision and in the meantime he needed to pay the bill. He didn't answer her, but I guess he paid it because it did come back on the next day.

I took the kids out of town this week, and was gone while he would have had visitation. I did let him know in advance and gave him the option of dates before I made the plans. He didn't give me any trouble at all with that. We got back last night, and he had messaged my IM that he wouldn't be able to get the kids as scheduled today because he has court. (I assume this is for work. He has taken them with him before, though, so I don't know why this time is different.) He also said he can't take them overnight Tuesday - no idea why - or see them on Wednesday - again no idea why. He will get them as scheduled next Friday and wants to know if he can have them overnight Thursday instead. My inclination is to let him. I don't have anything scheduled.

How in the world does he think he could take them 3 1/2 days a week when he can't manage 1 1/2??

I wouldn't change the schedule. It sets a precedent. But your lawyer may advise differently.

You mean don't let him have them Thursday night? I wasn't sure what to do since he missed visitation because of me this past week.

I get what you're saying about precedent, though. He didn't ask for another night when I had them out of town, he asked for a change when he needed to cancel a visit.

What should I tell him? I don't want to say no just to be #;@&* and I know he'll see it that way regardless.

Anyone else want to chime in? Should I just tell him no?

I don't think it's a big deal if you let him have the children to make up for his missed visitation in this case. If you are never willing to switch days then you will also have to abide by the schedule and never ask him for an exception either. It goes both ways. Document all his cancellations...as you said he can't even handle 1.5 days much less 3 days.

That was my first thought, Raven, but I wanted to run it past you guys. Thanks.

Just to be clear, changes should not be a regular occurrence...that would lead to too much chaos and problems. That is why it is vital your decree has a schedule that works for YOU. Changes should be a rare exception and not a frequent occurrence.

Raven, yes. I made the change last week because I went out of town with a friend and had to also take her work schedule into consideration. Under normal circumstances I have no need to make changes.

I hope it's OK that I changed my screen name. Without going into it I felt like I needed to.


My IM called me this morning and asked if I can find someone else to be my IM because she is finding it too difficult to continue being neutral with him and not telling me what a jerk he's being. Which is too much to tell me in itself. I'm not sure who I can ask to take over. I'm trying not to stress out about this, but it just feels like one more thing.

Sometimes, one if the Females on this site have stepped into the IM shoes for a dedicated Plan B'er such as yourself.

It sounds like she integrated too much emotionally with your WH. Being an IM would seem to require total detachment from the Wayward and ONLY dealing with the proposed issues, rather than continuing any ongoing dialogue.

LTL

LTL, yes. She's too emotionally invested to be able to IM. Not that she hasn't done an amazing job of it, it's just too hard and emotionally damaging for her. Plus I think he is purposefully pushing her buttons. It's a side of him I've never seen.

Can you find another IM?

I have been thinking about this all day. I have friends that would do anything for me, but I feel really uncomfortable asking anyone who knows WH because he seems to be making things personal with my current IM - to the point where she doesn't want to do it anymore. I don't want to put someone else in the same position.

And I know this sounds crazy, I know it does, but I am struggling with asking someone who knows me but not him because I don't want someone to only know him like this. I can't really explain it. I guess I need to just get over it.

Your IM could be anyone and they don't have to identify themselves. It is easy to create a new e-mail account, specifically for the IM to utilize only for the "Necessary" correspondence.

They also have to diplomatically inform your WH which portion of any particular message will be passed on to you, as most is Wayward gibberish, which is irrelevant to the required dialogue.

LTL