Good advice. I have a feeling that a courtroom judge would ultimately side in my favour, if my purpose was to help save our marriage.
Just want to let you know that I had a look in his email account, but no evidence of an OW there. I know this doesn't rule out an affair, but I thought I'd mention it. He doesn't sign out of his email, so I can look in there whenever I borrow his laptop. I deleted my snoop from his history, so I hope he has no way of finding out.
I also acknowledge he may have a hidden account, or doesn't use it to pursue an affair. He doesn't use facebook. Have to get the VAR asap. Velcro under the car seat will make it easier to place and remove. It will be somewhat of a challenge to carry out without him noticing.
Yes, I'm timid, and have a hard time with hiding things from people. I get very nervous when I've got something to hide. Maybe I'll feel much better about myself after going through with all the necessary snooping, because at least I'll know I'm capable of it.
Like MelodyLane said, the greater risk is losing my marriage.
I have to add a little "on the other hand" note. He doesn't seem to want a divorce. I get the feeling that he knows it's a bad idea, and we would all lose, ultimately, but is struggling with his own loss of love for me. He also seems to notice how hard I'm working to be a good wife and create a good home life for our family. Should I feel encouraged by this, that our marriage can be saved and love restored?

If you feel that he will notice your nervousness, tell him about something that is bugging you in real life that would make you nervous. That way, he won't be surprised if you look nervous.