I still can't, unless it's being the exact opposite of me:

She's a woman (!!!), I'm a man.
She smokes, I don't.
She drinks beer heavily, I hate beer (and can't hold my liquor anyway).
She's a slob, I like clean for the most part.
She curses like a sailor, I view cursing as something that shows a lack of intelligence.
She's a liberal, I'm a conservative.
She's an atheist, I'm a Christian.

Moreover, from what I gathered from pre-A conversations, the OW is emotionally unstable.

The OW might have a slightly higher income than me, but definitely not enough to drool over.

Dr. Harley's suggestion that my ex simply woke up one day after all the love bank deposits and found herself "in love" with this person is the only explanation that makes any sense at all.

Sorry, I'm bumping this so that it doesn't get lost in my tangent.

I don't want to pay lawyer, but I am afraid that he will use it as an excuse to start pulling IM into an argument.

Do you think paying the doctor out of pocket would be cheaper than the lawyer? You could call and get a quote...Maybe the fee would be negligible when you consider the co-pay, anyway.

No, I need it for me too, to get my medication, which is mucho expensive. I really need a full-time gig with benefits. It's just hard to find things in my field (research economics) in socal.

I see. In that case, I say have the IM contact him. It's quite possible he's got a one-track mind and cannot think about anything but the affair. It may have slipped his mind to keep the insurance up-to-date. If he does argue with the IM, they know to ignore him, right? A simple, straightforward reminder, and then if he still doesn't do it, get the lawyer in on it.

She sent him a gentle reminder. I told the lawyer as well. If he is argumentative, she'll tell me and I will have the lawyer send his lawyer an email.

I think that's perfect. I'm praying he goes ahead and pays it regardless of the reason for his delinquency.

Yes, I get this. The OW in my case, is the poor man's version of me and seemingly wants to steal my life. She is still in college at 26 and wants to go to the graduate school I went to and have a similar career. By the time I was 26, I had graduated from graduate school and was running international development programs in Asia. So, she has a long way to go for her real career. Also, she is a fake blonde with crazy eyebrows. He had always seemed to like women that looked like me with dark hair and eyes, but who knows? Also, she comes from a bad family, causes drama everywhere she goes, obviously doesn't care about God and lacks empathy.

All I can think is that her complimenting his CrossFit coaching made such massive love bank deposits in his account that he fell in love with her. And knowing him and now understanding what emotional needs are, I can see that with him. He needs a lot of admiration and affirmation. But almost everything else is totally illogical.

Happy Father's Day to all the betrayed dads out there doing the heavy lifting for your kids!

PW (and little PW).

So I overpaid the taxes a little bit and just got a 200 dollar check made out to BOTH of us. Ugh. He doesn't get half because our federal pay out more or less equaled our state refund.

Does anyone know any way to deal with this that does not involve us jointly cashing the check or putting the check into a joint account (which we clearly no longer have)?

In a similar situation, I signed my ex's name and wrote "For Deposit Only" underneath. Deposited it in my bank account without incident.

Hmmmm...could probably get away with it, but I don't want any potential check fraud allegations, etc. EVERYTHING affects custody, so yeah. I might just sit on the 200 until we are near finalizing the divorce and then get him to write a notarized letter or something through this lawyer. If it were 2K or something like that I'd be more anxious about it.

Yeah, in my case my although she hadn't given me explicit permission to sign the check, she had agreed the account was mine. I just didn't want to go through the hassle of asking my lawyer to talk to her lawyer. If your WH has already agreed that the refund is yours, I'd take that as permission, but I'm not qualified to give legal advice.

Hey PW, what happened with the insurance? Did the issue get resolved?

He put us on the insurance and can't drop us until the divorce is final. More accurately, he can't drop ME until the divorce is final. Little PW he'll probably be required to keep on it, although when I get a FT job, I'll put her on my insurance since it will inevitably be better than the Obamacare plan we have.

Over the weekend I broke my Plan B.

He was sitting in his mistresses bedroom while on a FaceTime chat with our daughter. I usually never see or hear anything, but my Mac is broken (it's won't start up) so I have been unblocking him and letting her use my phone (yes, I know--change the number. I've had to use my phone before for her video chats, but I cannot afford two smart phones). When she uses it, she tends to come out of her room. She did yesterday because her nose was running and I saw him sitting in this woman's room. I knew better than to say something, but did anyway on the order of " it's nice that you are calling our daughter from your mistresses bedroom." I know it's her room because of the green walls. When her facebook account was open and I was doing exposure, I could see her millions of selfies, and her room had green walls. Anyway, he just said, "that's not where I am. You're an idiot." I just put her an the phone back in her room. I was obviously sarcastic and he was just mean. I don't think any of this matters in terms of reconciliation because he's not ever coming back and I'm not taking him back. It just broke my peace and made me feel icky. Plus, I don't want to act like a sarcastic you-know-what even if he is acting horribly. I just don't want to have anything to do with him.

I'm trying to get the Mac fixed ASAP so she'll stay in her room. I might be able to get an iPad so she'll stay in. if that doesn't work, I'll switch to skype on my PC. In fact, I'll download it now on this new PC. The slip up was totally my choice and I chose wrong.

PW - ugh. What a trigger to see him sitting in that room. I saw my WH this weekend, just walking through a parking lot and it was hard. I can only imagine. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just move on from here.

~gingerfly (formerly jkwpurple)

Yep. Slip ups happen and you can see and feel the affects, which are not good. So don't touch the hot stove again.

He's the idiot IMO. Now back to Plan B...

It's like that old Richard Pryor joke, "Who are you going to believe? Me? Or your lying eyes?"