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Yes..got the app for my iPad; wife is at work, I'm home listening. Still mulling over how to approach her with this. FightTheFight is right - don't worry about trying to approach her with anything or persuade her of anything, for now. You'll be interacting with her Love Bank rather than making a presentation of the program.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Is your wife aware of MB? If so what has she said to you about the basic concepts? I showed her this website. She doesn't seem to be a fan of online forums/coaching/etc. She's more hands on. She has also refused to read the concepts. You've already made an attempt to approach her. That's the first step. If your wife is not receptive to the program, then approaching her with it again is NOT the next step. Instead, the next step is for you to learn to eliminate love busters and make massive love bank deposits. I have been giving you some suggestions on how to approach her Love Bank instead of trying to persuade her about the program. I asked how you can get your wife to go on a date with you. This is an important problem you need to be brainstorming answers for. There may be some trial and error for you until you work out a solution. You might reread this whole thread and make a todo list. You might also check out my posts to other men whose wives are reluctant about Marriage Builders. That's the situation I was in for years, and I'm especially interested in helping men in that kind of situation, so a lot of my posts are aimed at that. Help yourself by benefitting from posts already written to others. 
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Here is how you approach her. Do this stuff religiously. Since conversation and affection are the most important emotional needs for a typical woman, try to become very familiar with what Dr. Harley says about these, and very good at meeting these needs. How to meet the need for affectionI suggest just taking the sample list Dr. Harley provided and doing those things, daily, customizing the list as you gain more insight into your wife. Here is the secret to meeting your wife's need for conversation: The friends and enemies of good conversation. Dr. Harley lists four friends of good conversation and four enemies of good conversation. (They are also listed in His Needs, Her Needs.) Spend fifteen hours a week in conversation with your wife, practicing the friends, and practicing avoiding the enemies. Re-read that article each day to refresh your memory, and practice until you understand them and are good at them. Stay in contact with her every day as much as possible. Call her during the day from work just to say hello and ask how she's doing. Use texting, instant messenger, email, or whatever other means of contact is available to you. Call her on your way home.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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You'll be interacting with her Love Bank rather than making a presentation of the program. Quoted for emphasis.This isn't easy. But just trust the process.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
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How did you guys manage to get started with the 15hrs of UA? I can imagine with kids it can get even tougher. I'm struggling with this mightily and have for a long time. For instance, this week she works 3pm to 11pm wed-sun so when I get home from work she's already gone and the next time I see her, she's asleep next to me and I'm getting up to go to work. She can't change lines at the hospital as everyone wants the day shifts and she can't switch hospitals either as the one closer to us is even more difficult to get into on a reasonable schedule. The best I can do for this week is 2-4hrs on both sat/sun before she has to get ready to go to work but we're still significantly short on the hours. I think she still resents me for "making" her move so far away from her work/friends when we got the house and I fear that she will resent me even more for suggesting she stop doing something she absolutely loves and is amazing at. What I'd really like for her to do is stop the photography on the side but she loves that too,  . I've never approached her on this one. Thanks again for the help. I'll focus on this as well as digesting all the information presented.
Last edited by llw14; 07/09/15 10:27 AM.
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Why don't you change your schedule then? Can you work from home? It is strange that you think she is the only one in the marriage who can make changes for the better.
Don't ask her to stop doing fun things. Ask her to go do fun activities with you. Do you enjoy photography? Could you do it together?
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Keep making Love bank deposits. No matter what is going on.
Stop acting like you are powerless. You found the time to date the woman before marriage. You can find the time now.
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How did you guys manage to get started with the 15hrs of UA? I can imagine with kids it can get even tougher. I'm struggling with this mightily and have for a long time. For instance, this week she works 3pm to 11pm wed-sun so when I get home from work she's already gone and the next time I see her, she's asleep next to me and I'm getting up to go to work. She can't change lines at the hospital as everyone wants the day shifts and she can't switch hospitals either as the one closer to us is even more difficult to get into on a reasonable schedule. The best I can do for this week is 2-4hrs on both sat/sun before she has to get ready to go to work but we're still significantly short on the hours. I think she still resents me for "making" her move so far away from her work/friends when we got the house and I fear that she will resent me even more for suggesting she stop doing something she absolutely loves and is amazing at. What I'd really like for her to do is stop the photography on the side but she loves that too, . I've never approached her on this one. Thanks again for the help. I'll focus on this as well as digesting all the information presented. But one of the reasons she is so enamored of her work and her friends is because she spends so much time connecting with those things. The grass is greener where it is watered. No man with a wife in withdrawal is going to get 15 hours UA straight off. But he is going to make enough lovebank deposits for her to become interested in being with him more and more. A great first date won't get you love but it will get you closer. Long term, when she's in love with you, shift work (which sucks for anyone's body clock) won't hold a candle to being married. Shift work is like cancer to a marriage. There are lots of different types of nursing work which don't require shifts and in the meantime she will hopefully have discovered that your company is more rewarding than friends'. What I'd really like for her to do is stop the photography on the side but she loves that too, . . How would you feel about joining her in that activity? Get her to grab her camera and take her to a scenic spot, like a lighthouse with a picnic and admiring her handiwork afterwards? If this is your idea of hell though, don't.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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How would you feel about joining her in that activity? Get her to grab her camera and take her to a scenic spot, like a lighthouse with a picnic and admiring her handiwork afterwards?
If this is your idea of hell though, don't. I'd do it anyway. At least to get started. Just you being there while she is enjoying herself makes deposits. Just don't make any withdrawals!
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
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I have started learning the photography and she likes what I've done so far and I have accompanied her a couple of times. Keep in mind this is a secondary source of income, not just a hobby. One of her photo shoots is hardly an opportunity for UA.
I would LOVE to work from home but that suggestion was shot down at work for me.
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