Just tell him: "I am willing to work towards a romantic, fun marriage but you must first end your affair"

I thought I should do an update. I exposed the affair to everyone and made him move out. He proceeded to beat me up and then committed suicide. This has been the worst week of my life. I think if I had started doing the marriage builders program when I first found out in November the outcome would have been very different. I am thankful that he didn't kill me first and that he is no longer in pain.

I'm so sorry to hear this, Brookity. Thank God you are safe. I don't think the outcome would have been any different. Please don't second guess yourself. You can't control the actions of another person. He obviously had serious mental issues. My ex is surely upset over how I handled her affair, but we are the victims, and they are the abusers. We respond to the best of our abilities. Your response was logical and reasonable. His reaction was illogical and unreasonable.

I am so sorry to hear this Brookity. I can't imagine how difficult this must be. I am praying for you.

You did the right thing here and I pray that nobody tries to guilt you about what your husband decided to do. He was a very dangerous person to you, both emotionally and physically as well. You had to protect yourself and you did.

Again, so sorry to hear this. Praying for you. Find friends and family to lean on if you can and if not find a church in your area that can help support you through this. This is a terrible situation you have found yourself in, but there are people around you who love you and will help you through this.

Stick around here as well, we care about you and want to continue to support you and help you heal from this tragedy.

I am so sorry that this happened to you. How is your daughter handling everything?

I echo the other responses: we hope that you'll stay here and that the good folks on this site will be able to continue to support you and help you recover.

I too am very sorry to hear of this outcome Brook, and am very thankful to hear that you are safe!

I watch shows like 'Snapped' all the time and so often it is a murderous or suicidal outcome to adultery, but shockingly it is not the betrayed spouse, the victim, who 'snaps', it is almost always one of the affairees! It is a testament to how deep and devastating the fog is. How much being a cheater tears your inner character and sanity down. I just hope you know that this suicide was a result of mental instability and affair fog, it was NOT a result of actions that you took to fight for your husband and marriage, or to protect yourself. I am thankful for the actions that you took to protect yourself, or this could have turned out much, much worse.

I'll say some extra prayers for you today!

Brookity, I am very shocked and upset to hear this. I hope you and your daughter are getting support from your family during this terrible time. What a terrible way for your marriage to end, and what an unspeakable way for your daughter to lose her father.

I'd like to ask whether you could make any trouble with the police department over this.They seem not to have taken your husband's violent behaviour seriously in the past. He seems to have been connected to them in some way; was he employed with them? And you said OW was his direct report, so were they aware of this workplace affair, and, if so, what did they do about it?

I know you will need time to grieve, but your story suggests that there was some degree of corruption in that force, and I hope, if so, you will not let this lie.

I'm sorry you are going through this, Brookity. Stay strong; his sin is his alone.

Brookity, Im so so sorry for your loss, and for your daughter's loss. Im praying for you and your family in this time. Please remember this is not your fault.

Thank you all so much for your kind words. He was a police officer and a marine and had a full send off with military and police honors. The ceremony was absolutely beautiful. The OW has been exposed and fired after she threatened to kill herself after my husband died. We actually got her committed so that she couldn't show up to the funeral. I have no doubt that this isn't that last I will hear from her though and a restraining order is already in the works.

My daughter is doing ok but she hasn't fully grasped the magnitude of what happened. Unfortunately we had to tell her the full truth because I could not hide my bruises. It will be a long road for both of us but I think we will be okay.

I relieved that this chapter of my life is over. I am just very sad that it had to end this way.

I think I would probably feel the same way.

So glad to hear that the OW has been fired, kept from the funeral, and will be kept out of your lives.

Brookity,

I wish you strenght to overcome this difficult time.
It is always sad when a person chooses to use their potential in the wrong way. From what you have told us about your husband, his untimely death spares you a lifetime of hardship and bad influence in your daughter's life.

You will be her rock in these confusing times and she will thrive in the future.

Brookity, I am so sorry this has turned out so tragically. I am thankful you were not killed.

Brookity, do you plan to get out of that environment, now? You can take your daughter to your family for support quite legally now. You should do all you can to stay away from OW, who, as you said, will probably not leave you alone.

I'm so sorry for all your excruciating pain.

to you and your DD9

How are things, Brookity?

I'm doing okay, SugarCane. Thanks for asking. These past few days have been exceptionally difficult because I have moved past the stage of being in shock. Except for the first two days after his death, I haven't really cried until this week. There were tears here and there but on Monday the waterworks started and haven't stopped yet. I am somewhat relieved to be moving on to the next stage of grief. I was beginning to get worried that I would never feel again.

The gravity of it all has finally set in. Knowing that the first bullet that he shot was probably meant for me except that he changed his mind at the very last second has been very hard for me to accept. I also made a gruesome discovery last week due to the incompetent people who cleaned up after the incident. Finding pieces of your dead husband's skull should never happen.

I have started getting rid of items that he used during his affair. Getting rid of his truck was easy on me but very difficult for my daughter. I have been very lucky that the other woman has been shunned by the police department and has not been seen since.

Financially, I am better off than I ever was before so I am lucky that way too.

We just keep chugging along.

I literally burned most of the stuff in a bonfire.
Its quick and easy. The heathens used to burn items to send to their gods and give it to them

My sister's income doubled when she divorced her cheating husband. Waywards are a drain on finances in spending and in lost productivity.