How did you try to reach her? Did the OM intercept your communication? I would make SURE you contact her.

And how do you know she wants nothing to do with her husband if you haven't spoken to her?

Thank you. At the minute she doesnt want 2 men, just the OM. Hopefully I can damage the whole thing with exposure. ..

Tried twice via Facebook messanger. Seen on her Facebook profile her posts and the tone/message of them is pretty clear. Also changed her status to separated.

Did your messages go to her spam folder? Because unless you know how to send them to her inbox, she wouldn't see the message.

Can you call her on the phone or go to her house?

I dont know if she seen them, they just say delivered. I have read the exposure thread and know about the $1 thing, is this still applicable on the current Facebook messanger?

When in my messanger, how do I even see this 'other' inbox? I have googled this to no avail, sorry- I am not very tech savvy.

Another question- The OM is IT systems administrator at her work, It would be very easy for him to filter, stop, or delete emails once he realised what was going on.
How should I handle this? Physical letter in the post?

Also, do you think I should confront the other man? I have my suspicions that his parents are separated, my wife just speaks about him staying at 'his dads', so his dad is probably a supporter or at the very least an enabler of what his son is doing.

Thanks for all the advice, just getting all my ducks in a row before I start this. I do know that my wife is ashamed of this and probably deep down knows it is wrong, but what has been happening is that she has been drip feeding her side to people as and when suits her, avoiding people who are against what she is doing, including lots of her own extended family.
People need to know the truth of what it is, a sordid act of adultry like any other, not a make believe happy meeting of fate.

Try to call the OM wife on the phone.

This is wayward 101, it is called 'rewriting history.' Every wayward spouse at some point rewrites your history to make it sound horrible, and decides that you are to blame for all of it. Since affairs are immoral and WRONG they need to tell themselves something to feel better about being immoral. They also try to spin this story with everybody else to explain why their immoral act is justifiable, that is yet another reason why exposure and telling people the truth is so important.

When you say messenger, what do you mean? On what device? Your computer? I would not just assume she has your messages. I would contact her directly and tell her about the affair. As far as you know, her WS intercepted them.

Yes, you should confront the OM AFTER you have exposed to both of his parents, family and friends. We expect many of the OM's family and friends to be supporters of adultery. You still expose to each and every one.

I am in the middle of a affair too. You know by exposing the affair i found support were i was not expecting. In my case i had wished there were more to expose too, both my wife and POSOM have few friends and hes does not have social media.

Its hard work just keep up the good fight, oh most important any of your kids over 8 years tell them.

Thanks. Wtf do I say to him? Threaten him to stay away? I'd be worried I would hit him....should I take someone with me as a witness?

Also the OM's BW- she knows all about this. I know that for a fact. She has written about it on her Facebook wall. What will I say to her? She doesnt want to repair her marriage & is done with him. Should I tell her about my exposure plan or that I want to save my marriage? Why would she help me?

Yes, take someone as a witness. Tell him you will fight for your marriage and that there is no future for him with your wife because he will be eternally hated by your son and the inlaws for his part in breaking up your family.

You do this after you have exposed to his family and friends.

Thank you everyone, plan in place, need to get this right. She has had it far too easy so far, surrounding herself with 'yes' people and avoiding anyone who disagrees or tries to dissuade her. Also, these 'yes' people have been filled with all her concocted reasons to excuse her adultery.
Afraid my mouth or fists will run away on me when I meet the POSOM.

She is also using me as a babysitter and dogs body, doing all our daughters washing, cleaning etc. I know she isnt in the home with us anymore but she could make some effort. She drops our daughter back with a bag of dirty clothes.

If you cant control yourself around OM then dont confront him.
Going to jail for beating him up won't do any good for you

Dr Harley recommends telling children of FOUR years and over.

Your daughter is 4. Tell her about the affair, so that she knows why her family is in turmoil. Tell her that Mummy has a boyfriend, and that is wrong because she is married to you.

Sorry, I thought I read 8 and above.

Ok, getting my list together here. There is an old mobile phone of hers here with her contacts on it. Might text them as well as the Facebook messages, at least I know they will go through. Will post a draft of my letters tomorrow for appraisal.

Contacted a good friend of hers privately last night to see if she would meet to chat about my wife, that I was worried about her (I am), she said she wouldn't feel comfortable talking behind my wife's back. This is someone who when my wife broke 'her news' to her, was initially horrified & told my wife she was crazy. Guess with all my wifes 'reasons' for leaving me and listening to her spin, she is coming round to her way of thinking. Disappointing.

If nothing else is achieved by me exposing this, it will give my side of the story and stop my wife picking her allies and drip feeding her excuses for leaving without placing emphasis on her affair.

Also bought a voice recorder. Going to go and meet the POSOM next week after all, my brother will come as support/witness.

Having trouble getting in contact with OMs BW, tried messaging again but don't think they are going through. I have her address, worst case I could doorstep her but don't really want to do that, she is an injured party too after all.
She would be able to help me with his parents contact details though.

You need to contact the wife.
She is your top exposure target