after past few month i have not get full story about the affair and after i found this forum and get much infomation then i decide to ask my wife from the early of the affair.

i will follow the rule you say after i know the full story then i should not repeadly ask again. then follow the next step to recover. and i realy hope this will work.

thanks.

The best thing is to use the checklist that was posted to you, so you don't miss something important.

so after all had past 1 year since.

no way i can heal. try everything and the wife also trying very hard. trying to get thing back but the memory still coming. im looking for someone who can erase brain memory like formating a cpu. is that make sense?

It does make sense. I read an interesting article on emotional memory management by Joe Carver and it helped me a lot.

Your brain cannot process two memories at a time. So if you are reminded of 9-11, you can try to think of your favourite vacation and that thought will override 9-11.

A memory has two parts: information and emotion. About 90-120 seconds after information is recalled, emotion kicks in. If you find yourself thinking about your personal 9-11, within 90 seconds, think of your best memory and override the 9-11 thought. That way, you might be able to prevent the emotional part of the memory to do its harm.

Some people have a rubber band around their wrist and if they think of bad memories, they snap it. The physical act and the feeling on your skin distracts you, you are reminded to think of something else (you decide what you want to think of orwhat to do) the emotional part of the memory is not activated and you don't suffer as much pain.

I used to think the wrist band thing had to do with inflicting one sort of pain to replace emotional pain. After reading this article on emotional memory management, I understood my mistake. What it does, it prevents the emotion to resurface because you give your brain another task. So if you find yourself thinking of the past, within 90 seconds, do something to make your brain work on other things. Physical activity is also a good way to distract your brain.

I am not an expert on this and I recommend you do your own research on emotional memory management. If you understand how it works, you can in time learn to control the impact of your memories on your every day life.

I read your thread and would like to know about the checklist. Is everything checked off? The beauty of the checklist is it gives you directions on what to do, rather than sob in misery about what has happened to you. If you missed things, you will not be able to overcome your misery.

Surviving an affair gives you the plan and the tools to overcome those very emotions you are struggling with. If you follow the steps, you will be in a loving marriage and that is a huge part of recovering. If you sulk in the bad memories, you will not be able to get out of it and recover.

Have you read surviving an affair yet?

hi goody. thanks for the word.

yes i do all the checklist n also read the book.
just to be honest. i dont want to lie to my self. take vacation, spend more time together, always ring for each other. all done but still haunted me. i do forgive. sometime letting go is far more good than choosing to stay. i still believe this can be saved. to fake a happyness on my daily life is waste my time. its been a year.

that why im looking for someone who can format a brain.
and i know. there are no such person in this world..

Why and how did you forgive? Did you receive just compensation? From this remark, I conclude you haven't read or implemented important parts of the plan.
Read this:
www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5042_qa.html

I hope BrainHurts has an audio fragment ready, listening to radio clips often transfers info better than reading lots of text.

Did you listen to yesterday's show? It is very pertinent to your situation. It is still streaming until noon.

Please listen to the radio clips in here.
What is Just Compensation?