It's critical that you wrap up these exposures and not drag it out because trickle exposure is not nearly as effective.

Don't disappear - please stick with us today and talk to us about what is happening so that we can provide the support and encouragement that you need to get this done.

I would encourage you to read other threads here about how to deal with affairs and how thy are turn out. I have found it helpful and in site full.

In the middle of doing the exposure, been at it for 5 hours now. Have a knot in my stomach. Some of the messages, even when I paid facebook to send them, came back with a message 'Your message could not be promoted and has been sent to the other inbox. Your money has been refunded.' I guess something to do with that persons settings.
Sent all the emails to her work from a new email account so it shouldn't be filtered, but might send some physical copies in the post to be sure.
Sick to my stomach. Probably sent like 100 messages so far and only 1 person has replied saying she will pray for us.
People are going to think that I am being heavy handed or controlling but I cant help what they think- doesn't really matter I know.
A lot of her friends will feel that they are caught between a rock and a hard place by trying to have some loyalty to her while being sympathetic to my position.

Ok, back to it now, say a prayer please.

Ok, Done... Phew. Only 2 people have came back to me so far, but I am not expecting replies, just wanted to get the truth out there.

Tried phoning OM's dad, no answer, will try again this afternoon. Met up with OM's BS last night, she is lovely and gave me some useful info on which family members to target etc.
She told me categorically that she will never have him back, she is done with him, but that's between themselves- I only want my wife back.

My sympathies are with the OM's BS though, and I apologised for my wifes part in wrecking her marriage. She seems strong. She doesn't want to confront my wife though and I won't force her. I am strongly thinking of going to confront OM to let him know that he will never be living in my house with my wife, loads of people have advised me against it though, they think it's a bad idea.

That POS is sitting waiting in the wings to step into my home and life with my wife. His BW told me that was their plans, and that I am the only stumbling block- they had expected me to crumble by now...

It's a bad idea to confront OM if you can't keep your cool. You cannot threaten him. You can tell him to back off and that you're going to make whatever changes are necessary to repair your marriage and that you'll never give up. You would also need to take a witness so that he can't beat himself up and claim it was you.

Here "I Encourage BHs to Confront OM" Dr. Harley

Whatever happened to conviction and courage? It blows my mind how conflict-averse people are. Friends recommend against confrontation when they know your spouse is being banged by some low life? Doesn't make a bit of sense. I would have confronted this [censored] roach immediately upon learning that he was romantically involved with my wife. Just keep your cool but show that you are strong and a man to be reckoned with. I'd give him straight, unrelenting eye contact the entire you talk with him. No physical threats, but let him know in no uncertain terms that he's to stay away from your wife and you will be fighting for your marriage.

When and if your wife learns that you confronted him, deep inside she will like it that you're fighting for her. It shows you care. More importantly, you're letting the affair partner know that his affair isn't going to be a walk in the park. There is a heavy cost to it all.

Good job on exposing! She is going to be steaming when she learns about it. She will be apoplectic. Don't apologize. Be calm and let her know that you are fighting for your marriage. That is it. No reason or explanation will appease her anger at the moment. But down the road, if her fog clears, she will understand and appreciate what you did.

You've taken the first step in eliminating fear by exposing. Now carry out the plan by confronting the other man. Once that is done, be strong on the surface. Try to meet your wife's needs without being weepy or smothering. Be as strong and upbeat as you can (hard to do) and show your best self to her at all times. Make yourself look good and stay "neatly pressed" with polished shoes and the whole bit.

She is the one who is going to be depressed because her fantasy is shatttered and her affair is a dead end road. But she's still in the fog and it takes a long time for the affair to crumble, the addiction to die, and the love bank deposits you make to set in. Have patience, courage, and faith.

Good luck.

Who exactly did you expose to and what did you say? Did you follow the instructions in Exposure 101?

And, yes, I would send physical copies to be sure.

Yes, followed the instructions and templates there.

My wife and the other man just deleted both their Facebook accounts and history... she and him weren't actually friends on facebook, but her and I still were. Don't know how I feel, a bit sad that i have hurt her, but hey, she broke my heart.

She is away on holidays with her folks now, due back tomorrow so I fully expect a backlash from both her and her folks. I may have lost what little support I had. I text her a little while ago to ask about our daughter but no reply...

I have no doubt that he in particular will be fuming that I contacted his family, but f**k him. He completly wrecked mine.
I am shaking, bit scared of what I may have done. Everyone close to me advised against it, but I suppose you people on the forum have seen it all before.

[/quote] I have no doubt that he in particular will be fuming that I contacted his family, but f**k him. He completly wrecked mine.
I am shaking, bit scared of what I may have done. Everyone close to me advised against it, but I suppose you people on the forum have seen it all before. [/quote]

Most people don't know how to successfully combat infidelity. They are clueless and only are concerned about feelings. The advice you get on this forum is tried and true thanks to Dr. Harley whose plan has saved thousands of marriages.

Exposure is hard, and there are consequences for it. But Dr. Harley says it is the best tool that you have at your disposal and it essential in the effort to kill the affair. You are doing the right thing.

Don't forget to change your own facebook profile picture to a loving family picture of you, your wife and your child. People will be looking at your facebook, so it may not hurt to see the two of you lovingly together.

That's a great idea, Double H.

You have done a great job!! Most people believe you should just give up your marriage. But it is not their ox getting gored so it is really easy to have such opinions when they don't have to suffer the consequences, isn't it? The truth is that they have no earthly idea how to save marriages. They have no clinical experience, no education and no track record. The advice we give you comes from a clinical psychologist who has successfully saved marriages for 40 years.

So please stop shaking. You have done the right thing.

Focus on getting to the OM's father and telling him about this affair. Don't stop until that is done! you are doing a great job!!! Stay strong!!

Thanks for all your comments and advice guys. Still plan on confronting OM in a day or 2 at his home to let him know he is not untouchable.

My wife and his Facebook pages are back up now with me blocked from my wifes and all their friends lists are hidden. That would be all his doing as she has no clue about computers & tech stuff, but he is in IT. He really is a manipulative POS.
I have all their friend lists in my word document if I needed them, so too slow d**khead! His BS said he will be so pi**ed that I contacted his family.

A little worried about the backlash tomorrow...I am due to have my daughter home tomorrow evening. Hoping my wife wont do something out of spite like going for sole custody or something, or trying to get me out of the house....

Finish your exposures TODAY. Go to the OM's house and expswe to his father.

And just EXPECT and plan on the waywards to go absolutely crazy. Just do not let it upset you. Just imagine that you have brought a crowd onlookers into the crack house to watch them get high. They are furious because you have ruined their high!

So, if your wife objects, just tell her you are spreading the good news. What could possibly be wrong with that? And be sure and EMAIL or call her parents and tell them everything the OMW told you. Every word. Make sure everyone knows it.

You have a lot of great posters posting to you, both new and long term posters. Notice MelodyLane has over 84 THOUSAND posts. Yes, I am guessing she herself has read this very same exposure story thousands of times, and has given the same advice every single time.

But at the end of the day, it is not the advice of 'this forum' it is the advice of Dr Harley himself. This is not always the easy path, but it is the brave path, the only path, if you want to save your marriage. And frankly, even if you did not want to save your marriage and chose to divorce (which nobody would fault you for), wouldn't you want everyone to know the truth about why you were divorcing, instead of listening to wild stories about how terrible you are?

Exposure is necessary no matter what path you take going forward. It gives you the very best shot at busting up this affair and saving your marriage. And even if that does not happen, it is STILL the right thing to do.

Why confront at his house? I'd do it at his work place. Don't go on his turf. But do confront him.

Ok, my wife just texted me to say she will be home from holidays early afternoon if I want to have our daughter early...looks like she is going to pretend that nothing has happened, that she is not bothered at all. How do I play this with her? Don't mention anything unless she does? Be pleasant enough with her?

Just ask her to end her affair. Tell her it hurts you terribly. Tell her what the OM's wife told you about replacing you in your home.

Did you finish your exposures? Did you expose to the OM's father? Did you tell your father in law what the OM's wife told you? That will be very impactful and you can't afford to miss those opportunities.