I know, I would like to talk to her. She does know all about this already, OM has left and is living with his parents, as has my wife. So its not really exposure, more comparing notes. She might not talk to me...

How do you know she knows about this if you haven't spoken with her?

I would go to her house and tell her in person. Can you find the parents on the OM's Facebook page? That will be a CRITICAL exposure, so you need to get that lined up. I would even suggest going to their home to tell them.

What makes you think she knows if you haven't spoken to her?

I've seen her Facebook page & profile, it's very clear, couldn't be clearer. Also changed her status from married to separated.

I don't understand. She said on her Facebook page that her husband is committing adultery with your wife? And names your wife?

Yes.

I should clarify- my wife isnt named on the Facebook page but she does know who. Regardless, I
have to meet the OM'S BS, if only to compare notes.

My copy of SAA & His needs, her needs arrived today so will study up. My wife has gone on holidays an hour ago with our daughter and her parents, they will be gone til Wednesday.

Thanks all for the replies.

When do you plan on talking/meeting with OM's BW?

I would focus completely on exposing the affair. Once you have exposed you can read Surviving an Affair at your leisure. The advice that we are giving you to expose is from Dr. Harley so there is not anything more you need to learn before you expose.

OK, Exposure letter to my wife and I's friends and family. Critique welcome...I took the template as a guide and added to it.

Dear Friends and Family,

I am writing this message to you as you are an important person in the lives of W and I. As some of you know, W has asked for a separation on the 4th July which has shattered my heart. To my shock, she told me the reason is that she is having an affair with an office co worker of hers, OM from xxxx. He is also married and has walked out on his wife and 2 young children. The reason for the separation is so that she can continue the affair.

My world has been turned upside down beyond comprehension and as much as we try to protect our daughter xxxx from this, she is aware something is going on and is all over the place. For those of you who already knew about this, I want you to know that despite whatever reasons you may have been told to justify the affair, we had a very happy marriage until W was seduced and propositioned by OM. We had been planning on trying for another child as recently as May/June and had our holidays booked away as a family. Like most marriages, we had our problems too, but nothing major or insurmountable. We always got through our issues together as couples should and I had no reason to suspect that anything had changed.

I am aware that, by posting this, some people will see it as an attempt to embarrass W, canvassing for sympathy, or an act of desperation. I promise you that it is for none of those reasons and I am doing this purely through unconditional love of my wife and family. I am willing to take the risk that people will think less of me for it- I can�t do anything about that.

W refuses to end her affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on W, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with W to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

Lots of people have told me that she isn�t worth it and I should move on. I know that she is. It would be easier if I thought she was a bad person but I know that she is a brilliant person inside who has just gone astray. We have been together 15 years on the 23rd August and married for 6 of those. I know that she is worth it.

I would appreciate your support and prayers for our family.

Exposure letter to OM's family & friends:

Dear friend of OM,

It grieves me to have to write this letter but I think that all his friends and family should know that OM is having an affair with my wife ****** *****. This has been going on for some time without my knowledge but they decided to take it further and have both walked out on their families at the start of July.
I can happily provide evidence of the extent of this affair to anyone who asks.

Despite what you may have been told to justify their reasons for having this affair, I can assure you that W was very happy in her marriage until she was propositioned by OM and we had been planning to try for another child as recently as May/June. I am heartbroken and although we haven�t told our daughter the full extent of the details, her little world has been turned upside down too.
I understand OM has walked out on his wife and 2 young children also, and my sympathies are with them as I know what they are going through. I don�t know anything about their marriage, but I know I would never do that to a wife and the children that I profess to love.

I would appreciate it if someone would ask his parents to give me a call on ***********

SB, this is good, but it is too long and has too much superfluous information in it. Longer is not better, because you just lose their attention. I would chop out the parts I have crossed off.


How old is your daughter?

Instead of saying you can provide the evidence, can you just provide the evidence in this email?

Thanks ML. My Daughter is 4.

I would tell her all about the affair and explain the concept of adultery. She has already been introduded to the OM so she is probably very puzzled by this. I was introduced to my fathers OW at age 4 and this confused me terribly because what seemed wrong to me was apparently not wrong to the adults in my life. I learned to doubt my instincts about right and wrong. I even remember seeing my mother sitting on the edge of the bed in her slip sobbing but this confused me even more because no one said what was wrong.

If you don't teach her right from wrong, your wayward wife will teach her that wrong is right.

OK,

The other mans wife got in touch with me last night and we spoke for an hour on the phone. She hadn't been getting my pm's and said she would have been in touch sooner if she had.

It was good to talk to her and compare stories. She said that in the immediate aftermath of her husband telling her that he was leaving her, his family were very supportive towards her, would be there for her, yada, yada. Now it's a different story as they are poisoned by his lies and she hasn't heard from them in 3 weeks, he is saying that she was impossible to live with and drove him away.
He is living with his father- his mother is dead.

Lots of pieces of the story now make sense. We have established that nothing physical happened between them before they left us for sure, not that that helps.

Doing my exposure later today, would there be merit in the OM's BS confronting my wife? I wouldn't trust myself to meet the OM at the moment, he would love for me to hit him and that would do no good for me keeping my home and daughter.
The OM's BS also confirmed that it was my wife and OM's intention to live together in my home, that I built, the only thing that didn't go to plan for them is that I didn't move out. Thankfully I found the strength from somewhere to not do that.

The whole thing is so airy fairy and fantasy land it is unbelievable. My wife is gushing about him like a teenager with a crush, how beautiful he is and how he makes her feel so good about herself, it was meant to be etc...He really isn't- he is a baldy 35 year old man who looks about 45.

Will check back in when I have sent out these exposure letters.

Oh yes, by all means let her confront your wife.
She is obviously deeply in the fog and a tast of reality might do her some good.
Please expose to all exposure targets also on OM's side of the family. And post a happy family picture on facebook as your profile picture.

Your wife will see her affair in a different light if people know what she has done. Even if she will not admit it, the affair wil become tainted in her mind. Right now, she is still keeping up her fantasy bubble. It won't last.

Can you take 2 or 3 friends with you to constrain you if you confront the OM? It might actually scare him if he sees that they have to constrain you not to put an end to him, which may not hurt. Dr. Harley reccomends telling the OM that you are not going anywhere and that you will be there for your wife. This will make him see that they are not going to ride off in the sunset with hummingbirds all by themselves, but there will be the eternal husband riding next to them, so to speak. But again, only if you can prevent getting in trouble with the police for it.

You need to contact his father yourself. Can you go to his house?


That is very doubtful, but is not in the least relevant. Being "separated" does not justify adultery.


Absolutely!!


Good for you. Most men just move out, to my astonishment.

Be sure and expose to the workplace today!!

My ex wife was (and remains) in love with a convicted drug abusing child abuser and thinks he is totally cool!