Keep in mind that since you exposed them, tension between them is going to start growing. The hotel stay is not going to be as romantic as your wife probably imagines it will be. She's going to start seeing his true colors. You've made a major blow to the affair.

Im sorry she causes you so much trouble.
i remember when my ex wife was spending nights with OM and it was very stressful.
I encourage you to exercise during this time. It will help you stay healthy.

Thank you all for your advice. On an unrelated topic, I was wondering if it would be possible to slightly change my username or how do I go about it? It's purely for security reasons.

Thank you

Click on "my stuff" and "edit profile "

Thank you, done.

No updates today. Very low last night & today, feel like there's no hope. I know there is, but there are gonna be days like today I suppose.
My wifes sister told me I need to let her go, for my own sake, but it's easy for people who haven't been in this position to give advice like that. I know she means well. She said that, for now, my wife isn't changing her mind.
My wifes sister absolutely thinks that she is making the biggest mistake of her life, and said there is no excuse for infidelity, but she won't listen.

I won't see my wife or daughter til Sunday morning now.

will January be the first time your daughter visits disney?

if so, your WW is probably mourning that. No parent wants to miss out on their childs "firsts".

I would invite her - like you plan to. But if she says no, let that stand. It will eat at her as the time gets closer. And she knows that she has no one to blame but herself. Breaking up the family means that she is going to miss 1/2 of her daughters life. She will expect OM to make up for that loss, and it will increase the pressure on him.

Hi Lexxxy,

Yes, it will be our first visit to disney. My wife hasn't replied as expected so I won't ask her again. Planning on taking my daughter on the train to Dublin tomorrow & visit the zoo- she has never been on a train. Will ask my wife if she would like to go, but know the answer already.

I am aware that this is not a blog of my feelings, but this is tough. After being pro active for a week or 2, I feel helpless and useless now. Low days, today and yesterday especially.

My wife will be dropping our daughter here at 9.30am tomorrow. Will keep to plan A and avoid LB's.

It's mad. Everything she had here and has walked out on. I am a great person and she knows it. This OM is not even good looking- everyone says that I am much better looking than him....I hope that doesn't sound big headed & I know it's not important, just venting I suppose.

Anyway, blogging over. God give me strength to get through this and restore my family. Will check in tomorrow, night.

It is very, very common for waywards to affair down.

Are you on antidepressants? You might need them short term to get through this.

Based on my observations, they almost always affair down.
There are some who claim that people always affair up and it is based on a premise that people always seek improvement. It is a false premise as any objective person can see that many people do not seek self improvement.
There are some cases in which people could affair up, a common one would be a "rescue" when an abused person is removed from an environment and latches on to the "saviour" before a legal divorce.

First, never expect your wife to mourn anything. As Dr. Harley explains on his radio show, when a person's "Taker" is in control they only care about themselves. It is narcissistic behavior.
As for pressure on the OM, you are assuming he will be expected to fill a void. He will to an extent but only enough to please your wifes Taker. Many women walk away from their husbands and children today. I've been told by old timers that its much more common than at any other point in their lifetimes.

Just try to focus on Plan A and not on what is going on in their heads. You have enough work taking care of a 3 year old.
also make sure you keep a journal of daily events including when she is in the home and spending time with the girl.

A lot of WW with small children still have a very high need for family commitment. She will expect the new man in her life to replace her husband as a father to her children -- he can't, and it will put a major strain on their relationship.

This gives the BH an advantage.

Some women do abandon their children for their affair, but many are drawn back to them. Many do feel torn and feel guilt because of the children. Do not discount this in your Plan A.

No update today really, my wife dropped off our daughter this morning but didn't engage with me at all, she couldn't even look at me. Guilt, I guess. She was here for less than 5 mins in total.
I had texted her last night inviting her along for the day today. Unsurprisingly, no reply. It's very hard to plan A when she won't speak or look at me, but will keep on being as nice as I can to her. Some of it has to sink in at some point.

2 good friends of hers who she has being avoiding since this began are planning to meet her this week to try to talk sense into her, they think her behaviour is ridiculous. I don't expect them to succeed, but it can't hurt for her to hear some rational views on it all. It's good to know that they support me too.

My wife doesn't see our daughter now until Tuesday evening, so it's a long spell for her & I know it kills her.

Try to invite her on outings, for example call and say "Hey we are going to the park and was wondering if you wanted to meet us there?"

I agree this is very good news. It inflicts damage on her fantasy to hear others.


Please tell me you are not allowing your wife to expose your daughter to her affair?? The OM is an unfit adult who should not be allowed access to your DD without a court order.

No, my daughter has not been exposed to the affair. I am certain of that. I don't want to divulge here how I know, but I do know for sure. That's not to say that my wife won't want her to meet him a few months down the line, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

I haven't told my daughter about the affair, I am hesitant to do so despite the advice on here that I should. I do agree that she needs to know what her mother is doing is wrong, so she can know the difference between right and wrong. It's a matter of timing I suppose, she is a perfect little girl & she doesn't deserve this any more than I do.

She's 4, right?
Another reason to tell her is that she's probably very confused, and may even be blaming herself for Mommy not being around anymore. No child needs to be carrying that burden.

I would keep it simple when you do talk to your child.
"Mommy and I are separated from each other because Mommy is dating another man. Married people should only date their husband or wife."

That is what I told my youngest. "Daddy is dating another woman. Married men should only date their wife."

Though my marriage didn't survive, all my children know what happened. They are not clueless about the destruction of their parents' marriage.

That is preferable to the alternative. A child not really knowing why the Earth switched axis and sent their family array.

"And it hurts Daddy a lot."

Read this
Exposing to Children