We've been working on all those checklists. He has been cooperative on most things. The last sticking points are no transparency and refusing to say goodbye. So I started the monitoring (no sign of anything wrong). I'm reading through MB and I'm going to implement Plan A and try to avoid love busters and all that. But like I said... I'm at the end of my rope and this is going to be my last attempt at making him understand why he can't hold on to her before I ask for a separation.

When I found out about the kiss, she sent me an e-mail to apologize for hurting me and promised to keep the friendship within appropriate boundaries while they were working together. He met with her husband to apologize too and we've worked on forgiveness. It's been months now and he finally found a new job. But now he thinks they should be allowed to stay friends and I'm not buying it.

I think even if they had put distance between each other for the past few months where they worked together, they saw each other every day at work so that met some need of his. But now that he doesn't get to see her everyday, he's fighting to stay in touch with her. He says having me be part of their friendship is what will keep it safe. I don't buy that for a minute. But he fully believes it and accuses me of not cooperating to save our marriage and having to have everything be my way (aka, I'm controlling him). I need some advice on what to say that will cut through his wrong thinking.

He is an addict trying to get his crack back. You shouldn't believe him. And he has refused the most important parts of the plan.

Plan A for 3 weeks if you haven't already then Plan B.

You can't change his thinking. Tell him this is what you need to feel safe .

Opposite-sex friendships should be off the table. They are not something that is open to negotiation. Tell him that you will only agree to a marriage where neither of you has opposite-sex friends. If he won't go along with that, then separate.

You should separate from him immediately and go into Plan B. Unless he leaves that job and ends all contact, and completes EVERY item on the list, you have NO HOPE of recovery. No hope. You are facing years of his affair and with that will come emotional and physical breakdown. Plan A lasts THREE WEEKS and then you should separate.

Hanging around making yourself available as an option makes it less likely your marriage will recover because you make yourself look so unattractive. Please prepare for Plan B.