Ditto to all of SusieQ's recommendations. I did online dating for about three months and had a good time with it. Only one man I went out with was a total dud. Being newly divorced, I stayed away from any profile that was advertising the he was looking for THE ONE and/or ready to get married. No thanks.

I also recommend staying away from those who use skin shots to advertise themselves. It's one thing if a person is in a bathing suit because the picture is of her playing beach volleyball with friends or she is waterskiing (showing recreational activities she enjoys...which I like when people show these things vs just saying it) but if she is in front of a mirror, laying across a bed, has upteen skin pics or is spilling out of her clothes...no thanks. It says a lot about the type of woman she is and what you can expect from her no matter what her profile says.

Thank you very much ladies. That is invaluable advice.

No worries, I wouldn't spring for anyone who makes themself look like a slut.

After what I've been through, when I see a woman dressed like that what comes to mind is questions about their mental/emotional well being. Not someone I want to get involved with!

And hola to you Justthe3ofus!

The VBS bball camp went well enough that we're starting a regular basketball league at the church with pickup games! Just had the first organizational meeting today after the service. Lots of nice outdoor courts in my city so I'm pretty excited about it. Good outreach opportunity too.

The league will offer kids in your community a great opportunity to play and also be a part of a faith community. There is a great Asian basketball league where I live that his been around for many generations. Church membership is a condition of the league. The program has evolved over the years, they've built a great reputation for developing fundamentally sound basketball players. Many of their players go onto to high schools that compete at a very high level in the state of California.

I know that's probably not the objective at this point for you and your committee, but I'm just sharing with you the potential of such endeavors.

Good luck!

Safety in online dating is also important.
Here is a recent article from USA today about a girl that nearly died from a bad date:

http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/...s-horror-as-date-with-vampire-goes-wrong

Axe,
You can pay a writer to set up your profile for you.
There are a lot of psych grads on fiverr that will do this and they do a good job.

Women dont like to feel that a guy should not call them.
But if axe does this he can weed out future "friends" and find a good "girlfriend"

What I hear Dr. Harley advising is that girlfriends should come from the pool of friends.

I know there's an urban legend out there about the "friend zone," but I don't believe there's any truth to it.

But you didn't answer her question - is this Harley advice or just your personal opinion?

You were really negative on a past thread about dating in general and about making friendships of the OS. Dr Harley doesn't have any problem with it and encourages it.

I really shouldn't post further on this. Im technically breaking the Man Code by doing so.

So...I really appreciate everyone's comments on this. I may be a bit sheltered on this topic, but it's been sort of fascinating to see everyone's input on it. Guess it's just not the sort of thing I've ever talked much about to other people.

To be honest, my background or historical way of thinking is basically like Jedi's (on the topic of OS friendships when single), so I totally understand where you're coming from Jedi. I used to be very introverted when I was young (before I got into the business world) and never really set out to make friends with anyone. I had a lot of friends, but it was mostly because I had a lot of hobbies I found them through (sports, cars, computers, etc) and I had no hobbies in common with girls, so no casual friends that were girls. There were girls I was friendly with (I'm a nice guy), but not that I would hang out.

So this whole idea of a pool of female friends is a pretty new idea to me, to be honest. And a very interesting one. Since the only time I really approached women in the past was to ask them out, I totally understand the concept of a "friend zone" (though I am annoyed by how often I hear guys complain about it).

My ex and I were friends for a few months before we dated, but she pursued me and initiated the relationship, and she is the only woman I've ever had that sort of exclusive female friendship with in my entire life.

I am very comfortable around women now and most seem to think I have good sense of humor so I don't worry about making female friends. I am concerned that I fall too easily for women though and it will take me being disciplined to keep relationships at the proper distance to date 30 people without getting serious with someone early on. I would appreciate advice on how to navigate that part of the process.

This is going to sound awful, but it's the truth: I never would have picked my ex out of a crowd or a room to proposition because on the PA side of things she just didn't do much for me. It was not at all a "I saw her across the room and I knew I had to have her" sort of thing. I work very hard to keep myself in great shape and lean/muscular, and I respect others who prioritize fitness as well, and she never did.

As I got to know her I fell for her personality (which matched up extremely well with mine in a LOT of other areas) and I discovered that when she wanted, she could be VERY attractive when she chose to dress herself well, but most of the time she didn't. She would wear clothing that did not at all compliment her, and though she had beautiful blond hair I never really saw much of it because of how she wore it. She also put on a lot of weight after we got married, like 60-80 lbs.

I wouldn't even mention any of that (I'm not here to cheap shot her) other than to say I look back and realize I wasn't really looking out for my taker, so to speak, in getting into that relationship. We went way too fast from "interested and dating" to "serious".

How she took care of herself is her business but as a dating candidate if I would have been more honest, I would have forseen an unmet PA need very easily, and that did turn out to be a major source of unstated frustration for me in the marriage. It wasn't really until the end that we had some hard discussions about fitness and it was honestly late enough in the game that she may have already had an EA by that point anyways. I am certain I lovebusted her with the discussion because I had no concept of DJs or anything else MB, but it wasn't something I ever talked to her about for any of the time we were together up to that point. Most of our marriage I would frequently compliment her looks as a means of showing her affection but I was disappointed by how little she took care of herself.

Sorry for the trip down memory lane but I'm just concerned about how to avoid repeating that. I'm completely sold on the date 30 people concept because I think I have a LOT to learn about women, but I am a little concerned about falling too easily and settling too easily. Hope this doesn't come across in the wrong way...I just want to ensure I get matched up well and don't put myself or someone else in a situation that's unnecessarily difficult, whether the issue is PA or any number of other things that could cause problems.

Okay for clarification Dr. Harley doesn't necessarily encourage you to date a total of 30 women.
He encourages an interview process of up to 30 women.

Well, here's where we get into a terminology discussion again.

By date I meant "go out on a few dates/get to know" and not "long term committed relationship" with 30 women.

I think that's what you mean by "interview process" as well, correct?

That's what Dr. Harley means, as well.

Dr. Harley is pretty specific that dating should start out in the freeloader stage, simply spending some time together for fun and companionship and getting to know each other. The "date 30 people" advice means that, and it definitely doesn't mean "long term committed relationship." Dr. Harley's exact wording is that he feels that you'll find someone by the time you've hit 30 people, meaning if you find the person of your dreams on date 10, there's no need to go on and find 20 other people to date.

So potentially, you could be "interviewing" several women and then decide the first one you interviewed was the woman of your dreams, right?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but any time I've ever heard Dr. Harley speak about this concept the idea was that you would have a reasonably broad sample of people so that you'd have a better chance of finding someone who most easily/effortlessly meets your ENs and vice-versa.

I think going for the first person you meet defeats the purpose of this concept, because it would be like being a novice hiring manager and hiring the first guy that walks in your door. You don't know what you don't know, and you're trying to gain experience on what is out there.

I've heard Dr. Harley explain 30 as the number by which it's a near certainty that you've found a very good match for yourself in terms of compatibility and well-matched emotional needs.

My post about my history with my ex was to illustrate that I think our perspective becomes very skewed on someone's suitability/attractiveness once the love bank deposits progress past a certain point. Just look at how certain waywards are of their suitability with their AP.

I guess I didn't phrase that correctly. I meant that you interview say 10 women but decide the very first one you interviewed was best. That's a possibility, right?