We ended up having a nice lunch and beers, a friend joined us part of the way through and we both had an enjoyable time. Is it really that odd that my wife didn't like most any of the ideas?

It's not terribly early on - I've been battling this about a year and two months. I've learned a lot and there are times we make progress and time we don't. I've fixed a lot of my "lovebusters" by being reflective on how I can change. Also, we all have coping mechanisms right? It's better for me to carry on cheerfully and vent online so I can at least get it out.

I think at most I could get her to fill out the questionnaires. She has already said on a few occasions, one as recent as two weekends ago, that she is not interested in finding outside help. I am against counseling for this, these aren't counselors I'm shooting for. At this point I guarantee she would not talk to Dr Harley. My wife is someone that will retreat when pressure is perceived so I need to take it slowly. I plan on bringing up this plan over the weekend.

As far as the 20 hours UA(?) time this week, I'm trying to find a sitter. And again, I think going from our normal 2-4hrs to 20 will actually have a negative impact as that's going to be pressure for her to commit. We had a great conversation last night and she's more open to new people watching our children so I'm taking advantage of that today and trying to track down some additional help.

I appreciate the comments and feedback. I'm still trying to feel this forum and plan out to see if it's something that will work. I like the idea but also I think it needs to be taken with a bit of care and caution. The questions and advice are very cookie cutter and I think they need to be molded a bit to the person.

My unhappiness in the marriage is easy to explain. I'm not happy because she is not happy.

KPT, what Dr. Harley can do for you is teach you how to motivate your wife to even want to do any of this program.

If I were you (and I basically was, a few years back), I would start listening to Dr. Harley's radio show every single day, daily, and let him teach you what you can do to turn this around.

That's a lot more efficient than strategizing on your own all the time and weathering horrendous ups and downs.

Thanks for the help -
Sometimes when you are doing everything you can and nothing works, it might not be you apparently.
I will continue to fight though