Do you have a lawyer? Are you documenting all off these things?

Brain,

Yes, I did have initial consultation with a lawyer, and I also call Child Protective Service and "asked" them what action can be taken to prevent her taking the children against my & the boys will. They said it is a civil case and can do nothing, but they did get me a reference number for the call in case I need it later in court.

Neither of the boys wanted to go, but reluctantly decided to go along after 30 min of "persuasion" from WW.

I did not want to make any love bank withdraw, so I repeatedly protested about her taking the kids out of State and let them go, without angry remarks. The 13 yr old had to tell her couple times there was no need to yell... kinda funny to think about it.

This Labor Day Weekend Sucks. actually lost interest in College Football first time in my adult life...ok, just lost a little, still watched most games to keep my mind off.

Quick update:

WW is planning on divorce. I apologized enough for what I did, and she wont let it go to stay mad at me, and using it as the ONLY reason against me & the causes for her divorce, and that I dont trust her & she cannot breathe. (extraordinary precaution on my part) Funny actually, if you are looking in from 3rd party perspective.

I did make headway trying to reach her family oversea. I have a friend who contacted her sister & told her the whole story. I have a handwritten letter to her parents (heavily borrowed from MB, of course) that my friend translated for me. Once we can get her parents address, he will personally deliver the letter & translation to the parents.

However, since her sister is the only lead at this time, and it is possible that the sister may be protecting WW, it is still no guarantee.

She told the big boy that I'd be angry when she files for divorce, and watch out for my insane outburst. lol, I doubt it. Heartbroken & sad, yes. Anger? Got that demon under control. Amazing what transformation one can do if truly desired.

Think I will head over to divorcing forum...

Let us know if you ever hear back from WW's family. Are you having your lawyer put in the D decree that your kids aren't allowed around OM?

Did you ever hear anything from your certified letter to OM?

Were you ever able to find OM's family and expose to them?

What are you children saying about their mother's affair? You did expose to them, correct?

"Planning on divorce" is a strategic ploy to get you to stop bothering her. If I were you, I would follow through on your exposures. After all this time, exposure will be of minimal value, but it may help a bit. The reason she is still so foggy is because her affair is still active.

And certainly, stop your angry outbursts.

Also, the longer you put off exposure, the less impact it has and the more entrenched the affair becomes. This is why it is so critical for an affair to be exposed immediately.

So sorry Melody & Brain for the delay, I have been away with the boys.

My sister in law, after a day of hesitation, finally gave my friend WW parents' address. But sil did tell WW what I am trying to do & WW wasted 15min of her wonderful vocal yelling at me.

Currently my friend is going to WW parents' house & hand delivering my written letter (english) and translation. I asked him to elaborate my outburst in detail, and offered to have my 13 yr old speak to the grandparents, if we can get connected.

I think WW is pretty serious about divorce as I found at least 2 lawyers she had consultation with, She is also getting financial support from one of her wealthy female cheating divorcee friend (great role model, lol)

At this time, I do not believe WW has met with OM since Mid July, and I have received no reaction or feedback from the certified letter I sent to OM.

Also, I have only being focused on WW parents, because I know no one in Iraq (OM side)

On reaction from Children on exposure, 13 yr old asked her to stop the affair multiple times and she got very angry with him. Just as soon, she'd placed the entire blame on me each times, which led to my resentment that built up to my outburst. The 7 yr old was just sad mom & dad were fighting.

She actually told the 13 yr old that sometimes in adult life you have to lie to people... (after the 13 yr old caught her lying & confronted her) Fog is thick with this one.

WW is extremely angry with me for exposing the affair to the children (they saw OM walking WW to her car at his apartment) Oh well.

Currently she is calm with the children and behaving as the good mother she once was. I have to give her credit for that. To me, I am her sworn enemy.

I will ask my lawyer to put that decree in when we countersue, as I do not plan on filing first. Countersuit will allow me to paint my side of story regarding infidelity & child abandonment.

Would be even more interesting after today. I will update once I hear back from my friend.

thanks everyone.

My friend delivered the letter to WW's mother. MIL cried after reading it, but said not much she can do to influence WW, because WW has not contacted her for over a year, and when MIL tried to contact WW several times, she was not successful.

I tried to have my 13 yr old call his grandmother & tell her the boys are OK. We could not get connected after 20 minutes of trying and he had to go to class. We will try when he gets home this evening. the 13 yr old was visually saddened that WW has not called her parents for over a year.

MIL told my friend that thru WW sister, she hears that I had jealous outburst & nothing about the affair. Now WW side is exposed, but I don't realistically expect much influences from WW's family at this point.

Thanks for the update, agcruffler. Did you tell the friend to tell the mother about your outburst?
I am unclear why the focus was on the outburst and not on the affair? Do they actually know about the affair?

Hi Melody, I have been reading tons of your posts. thank you.

After my friend's visit, MIL now know. WW's sister was made aware 2-3 days ago.

I am a bit of methodical person, and I hate it when people distort or lie about events. The whole outburst has been blown out of proportion, as it is the only excuse for her to rationalize the divorce. I am not certain, but I suspect WW is using it to take focus off her with plenty of embellishment. Since the police was called, WW felt it justify her accusation. The cops simply asked me to go drive around for awhile & cool off.

WW has informed her family about that single outburst, stating that it was a jealousy outburst, NOT resentment built up from the affair. Thus, they were shocked when they realized the true cause of the outburst, and my letter was asking them to influence her to stop the affair (if it is still ongoing) and stop screaming divorce.

In short, WW family has false info on the outburst, and no knowledge of the affair. My letter to her parents contain some details of the affair (OM name, address, etc, as shown from Exposure 101) and I want to further expose more of WW's lies & deceits. My friend has plenty of info on the affair, & he told the family what he knew.

I feel now my friend did convey enough info on the affair (he was there for over 1 hr) and I just want to set the record straight with WW family regarding the BS excuses WW used for her desire to divorce.

that was a long answer & rambling for a simple short question...

Thanks for the clarification!!

This is a great example to all the betrayed spouses out there why you keep you cool, you expose far and wide in one massive effort.

This wayward followed script exactly, blaming everything on the BH and spun her tail of angry outbursts, etc., before the exposure could be fully done. Exposure now is less effective than it could have been. It also shows that a cornered wayward will go to the police immediately to get you scared, intimidated and set you up.

Exactly, he handed her the ammunition to use against him... WS's are always looking for ammunition, because it can be used as justification for the affair!

Great warning to learn spouse's native language also.

learning OM's language, well, that is just too much work even for extreme precaution.

Recent exposure to WW's parents stirred things up quite a bit. WW has plan to move out to an apartment, and potentially take the 13 yr old or both boys.

She has borrowed money from some questionable "friends" with "her" sob stories. However, without steady source of income, and 9 years of her spending habits, she will run up personal debt & credit card debts in no time, if she plans to maintain current lifestyle.

what are any legal defense I can do, for financial separation, such that debts incurred by her will be her responsibility instead of community debts in case of divorce?

There is all indication she'd want to date/resume affair while separated. I wish I can find a way to convince her to follow Dr Harley's guideline on separation, but her independent behavior & still in the FOG making any discussion with her near impossible.

At this time, one small step is to protect my finance in case of divorce.

any help / advice would be appreciated.

Forgot to mention, my wonderful state does not have legal separation.... Love Texas, but good god I am getting hosed.

You can file for divorce and protect yourself legally. I would take her off any of your credit cards and move your money so she doesn't wipe you out, if you haven't done that already.

Melody,

I have isolated the paychecks from her reach, and I have canceled joint credit card. I fund our joint checking account just enough for daily family expenses. However, I think she may get liberal with her own credit card spendings, which will become community debt if we do divorce.

From Dr. Harley's teaching, shouldn't I maintain the separations and NOT file for divorce? As she is still in the fog & I am giving her time to come to her sense. she is so angry at me (her family exposed recently) time apart may not be a bad thing.

I do have lawyer, but do not yet have enough savings for retention to file for divorce anyways. If necessary I will ask the lawyer to get court order for Suit Affecting the Parent-Child Relationship (SAPCR) if WW becomes unreasonable. Finance, however, I don't see a whole lot of help.

Still want to give WW some time to get out of FOG without actually filing.

From Dr Harley's teachings, you should file for separation or divorce in order to protect yourself legally. You are in a state where they do not have legal separation, so folks file for divorce. Nowhere does he advise leaving yourself at legal risk to accommodate a reckless spouse.

Melody,

I am contemplating the exact dilemma, as I am very reluctant to file for divorce & I still want the marriage to work. WW behavior may be attributed to the FOG. My concern for WW spending is more of a precaution that I wish to guard against. Seeing no legal separation in our great State, I am hoping someone else may have a better method to circumvene & offer protection.

The way I look at it, in the future, I'd regret not doing everything to repair the marriage, & I sure wouldn't care I lose a few thousands. In the mean time, I am taking in as much advices as possible to formulate my decision. It is not making my life easier.

I am still looking for help to bring her out of her Withdrawn State & back into Conflict Stage. Hoping for her to change, I fear, I may be losing valuable time.

Thanks.